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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by the delivery man?

140 replies

dontpullyourbrotherswilly · 10/02/2017 14:34

I know I am BU actually but still feel annoyed!
The delivery man (who has been delivering parcels here for a while) yesterday decided to address me by my first name.
Why? I don't know your name why the bloody heck should you address me by my first name (or any name, but the use of first name by strangers always grates me)?! To me delivery situation is very simple- no need to use anyone's name (unless id required for passport or similar). Not saying I'm usually rude, I obviously thank the person and sometimes there's comments about weather etc that's quite usual i think.
Then he came back today- firsty he rang the doorbell and immediately banged on the door which is frustrating as LO napping but obviously he wouldn't have known that.
Then he told me i look tired today !
Since when is it ok for a virtual stranger to tell you that you look crap basically??!?
Makes me irrationally angry right now!

Please tell me I'm being ridiculous and how would you react in similar situations??
Next time hold out my hand and say " nice to meet you and your name is?"
Or
"You look shit too, thanks!"

I'm just about done with my unreasonable rant!
Angry

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 11/02/2017 15:34

He was the one providing a service to a customer- he got it wrong. Presumably he, and it would seem you too, are incapable of seeing the uneven dynamics in using a person's first name when that person has no idea what his name is.

Meridien · 11/02/2017 15:34

Meridien - whether they are calling you by your first name or surname seems irrelevant one you start refering to yourself in the third person!

This is a chat forum, a conversation, not an English class. I used a method of describing a situation that seemed to me to make clear what I meant. So judgy...

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 15:35

Uneven dynamics! Get over yourself, its a 30 second interaction with someone dropping off your shopping fgs.
It's Mrs Bouquet, isn't it?

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 15:36

And if you so desperately need to know the name of your servant delivery person, shop at Ocado and they will text you their name as well as the type of van they are in. Then your "dynamic" will be less uneven as long as he remembers to doff his hat

Fluffy24 · 11/02/2017 15:37

, perhaps he doesn't feel less than equal to someone he is delivering shopping to? She isn't his boss, or his superior, or someone he needs to be particularly deferential to.

It's not about him being deferential, it's about him not making someone uncomfortable and putting them on the back foot.

It's the same as if he did it with physical contact but just more subtle.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 15:38

It's the same as if he did it with physical contact but just more subtle.

It's not remotely the same and its very silly to suggest it is.

TheAtheist · 11/02/2017 15:43

She isn't his boss, or his superior, or someone he needs to be particularly deferential to

She is, albeit indirectly. She paying for this delivery service so is his 'boss' in the context of this professional exchange.

Do you really not see that this is how society functions? Centuries of social norms have recognised this dynamic, and tbh I'm pretty sure do too.

CatchTheRainbow · 11/02/2017 15:43

they don't need it (I checked with their head office) and in these times of identity theft etc it makes me feel very vulnerable.

Oh sweet baby Jesus.

AQuietMind · 11/02/2017 15:47

Delivery drivers, who are complete strangers to me, demanding my name pisses me right off - they don't need it (I checked with their head office) and in these times of identity theft etc it makes me feel very vulnerable.

Just when I think mumsnet has given all it has to give someone comes out with this Grin

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 15:47

Do you really not see that this is how society functions?

do you really not see that your opinion is not any proof of anything, and perhaps other people see things differently?

The functions of a society are constantly changing, and what was once not acceptable is not expected. Perhaps you are just old fashioned and out of touch?

Fluffy24 · 11/02/2017 15:48

*It's the same as if he did it with physical contact but just more subtle.

It's not remotely the same and its very silly to suggest it is.*

No it's just very subtle so you've missed it. If he'd given you a hug or touched you in the arm etc you'd probably think it was inappropriate. Using your first name (for many people normally only acceptable by someone you know, or at least a stranger you have been introduced to which balances up the relationship) is similar but much much milder form.

It's a bit like personal space - we'd mostly all feel uncomfortable if a stranger came into our personal space, even if they were just being friendly. Doesn't mean we think they're not fit to be close to us, just that we don't like it.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 15:51

Of course I'd think it inappropriate if he hugged me, that is in no way the same or analogous to using the name he has for on the bloody delivery form.

Sweet jesus what is wrong with some people?

TheAtheist · 11/02/2017 15:52

My opinion is the status quo though, the default, the state of affairs that has been the accepted norm for a very, very long time.

Just because a handful of people bring a challenge to the status quo, that doesn't mean that the necessary tipping point has been reached for there to have been the paradigm shift that you seem to believe has occurred.

TheAtheist · 11/02/2017 15:53

No it's just very subtle so you've missed it. If he'd given you a hug or touched you in the arm etc you'd probably think it was inappropriate. Using your first name (for many people normally only acceptable by someone you know, or at least a stranger you have been introduced to which balances up the relationship) is similar but much much milder form

^ this

Redglitter · 11/02/2017 15:54

Dpd driver calls me by my first name. It's never bothered me. Bit then they send your delivery confirmation with the drivers first name so possibly they're going for the friendly approach.

I can't believe people actually get upset by a delivery man calling them by their first name

Fluffy24 · 11/02/2017 15:54

Of course I'd think it inappropriate if he hugged me

Exactly! In some cultures that might be OK but you don't like it because in our it generally isn't.

Using a first name is not universally accepted in our culture though clearly it's changing, hence the split in how we feel about it.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 15:57

Not exactly! Unwanted physical contact is in no way the same as using your name, which IS accepted very widely in our culture.

YOU might not like it, but it IS now widely the norm. Get used to it!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 11/02/2017 16:22

It's the same as if he did it with physical contact but just more subtle.

It's not remotely the same and its very silly to suggest it is

Oh the irony of posting that ^ followed up by

do you really not see that your opinion is not any proof of anything, and perhaps other people see things differently?

To quote you Narky

Do you really not see that your opinion is not any proof of anything, and perhaps other people see things differently?

Using a first name, especially without asking, is not a universal norm, no matter how often you say it is.

TheAtheist · 11/02/2017 16:27

Very true.

It just isn't reasonable to take a challenger opinion and somehow suggest that it is equal in standing and weight to the established norm.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 16:30

Using a first name, especially without asking, is not a universal norm, no matter how often you say it is

Fine, then it isn't rude, no matter how often YOU say it is. See how this works?

Either way, it isn't an opinion that unwanted physical contact is not the same as using someones name, thats a fact. Ask any woman who has had unwanted physical contact, she'll soon tell you that Hmm

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 16:32

It just isn't reasonable to take a challenger opinion and somehow suggest that it is equal in standing and weight to the established norm

I could say the exact same to you. Mine is now the established norm and you are the old fashioned challenger!

TheAtheist · 11/02/2017 16:35

I'm just picturing you poking your tongue out at us while you stamp your foot there Narky Smile

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 11/02/2017 16:40

Tongue yes, foot no (I'm in bed). Smile

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 11/02/2017 16:44

He sounded like he was being friendly. I became on first name terms with my old postie and we're now friends on fb too.

I'd have said please don't knock next time as the baby maybe napping.

Biscuit
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 11/02/2017 16:44

It just isn't reasonable to take a challenger opinion and somehow suggest that it is equal in standing and weight to the established norm

I could say the exact same to you. Mine is now the established norm and you are the old fashioned challenger!

Why then do many organisations ask what one's preference is? Why bother if it is the "established norm"

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