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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

being called mum by nurses in hospital

375 replies

thecatsarecrazy · 08/02/2017 20:06

I know its only a small thing and its probably because I've been here to long but the nurses calling me "mum" I'm not your mum, would it be so hard to learn my name? Has this annoyed anyone else? Grin

OP posts:
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 29/03/2017 08:19

He's gorgeous, and so glad he's better OP! That a brilliant grin!
Incidentally, I was on a children's ward last week and got asked twice if I was 'Mum'. At different beds... by the consultant whose ward round I was on. And had to remind him both times that I was a medical student Confused. So yes, I think brain space for actual names is probably a bit lacking in some HCPs Grin.

londonrach · 29/03/2017 08:27

Its what staff are told to say. No one watched those daytime 999 programmes as it gives the reason why. I didnt mind when my 8 months dd got rushed in last week by ambulance as her medical needs Were more important than what the staff called me. Excellent care and home eatly morning.

londonrach · 29/03/2017 08:28

Op..your little boy is sooo cute! 😍

ClaryBeanHorshAndMe · 29/03/2017 08:31

Well, my grandfather calls my grandmother (his ex wife) mum (well, mamma, but it's basically the equivalent of mum)... Which I have always thought to be weird, even when I was a little child and didn't even know they were dovorced/understood what it means....

Anyhow, OP. Maybe they just can't pronounce your name and don't want to be rude? Wink

Or maybe they're just trying to validate you?

He is an adorable little boy.

Sunshineandlaughter · 29/03/2017 08:33

Omg - yes! Drives me mad - it's so rude especially when they see you for days on end. It makes you feel a non person. It's not hard to ask someone's name is it.

ClaryBeanHorshAndMe · 29/03/2017 08:42

Just want to tell you again: He is so adorable. His fluffy hair and that cute smile!

I'm so glad he's doing better.

Congratulation, Tristan is such a cute little baby Flowers
(and I personally think his name is awesome, btw!)

ICJump · 29/03/2017 08:46

I don't like either. It feels weird. But I don't think they should have to learn my name. I'm not sure what a good solution is.

robinia · 29/03/2017 08:46

Oh - just realised the thread moved on!
He is gorgeous and glad he is all better now Smile

Idefix · 29/03/2017 09:10

thecats what a lovely update! Really pleased to see that you and Tristan are home. Tristan looks georgeous Smile

placemarking · 29/03/2017 09:11
Biscuit
Levatrice · 29/03/2017 09:15

I use the terms mum dad and baby a lot of the time instead of using actual names because if im
Going between many patients a day i would rather use generic terms than say the wrong name at a crucial moment! Of course if its a day of one to one care i will learn and use names particularly in labour. It is annoying and de personalising especially when i get this myself but i can understand why it happens and its just one of those things! Doesnt mean any offence

mmgirish · 29/03/2017 09:17

I'm glad it went well in the end. Tristan is a wee pet.

They do this at the hospital I go to with my children too. I think it's fine. My nanny actually calls me mummy too in front of my children which I think is hilarious but I think she finds my name difficult to pronounce.

Postagestamppat · 29/03/2017 09:19

It has always irritated me. I am a teacher and it really annoys me when other teachers use "mum" or "dad" instead of a name - or miss out a pronoun "his mum" or "the dad". I just really bugs me from a grammatical point of view as anything. In regard to myself, i would prefer to be called "you" rather than "mum". Same goes for using "baby" as a name.

RedDahlia · 29/03/2017 09:37

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MiaowTheCat · 29/03/2017 10:02

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thecatsarecrazy · 29/03/2017 10:56

When we got back to the local hospital there were only a few nurses and they asked my name, and one of the doctors said what's your name I don't want to call you mum and it made me feel human again.

OP posts:
Sahara123 · 29/03/2017 16:36

On a different tack I hate it when I take the cat to the vet and they refer to me as "Tiddles' mum" ! As far as I am aware it is biologically impossible for me to give birth to a cat. Or a dog. Or a guinea pig. Next time I'm asked this I'm not going to be able to help myself and I'm going to actually say this instead of shouting it in my head and I'm going to look a right loon. :)

OhTheRoses · 28/05/2017 01:20

Actually my vet at least has the courtesy to call me "Tiddles's" mummy. The last time dd was in hospital the doctor introduced himself with his title and last name and said "you mum?". It is reductive, subordinating, ungrammatical, incorrect and wholly unacceptable. I simply shook his hand and said "I'm Mrs Roses, xx's mother".

One day an HCP will say "you mum" and I'll reply, "no I'm not, I actually have the full power of speech". And the fact that it's written in reports "dd's name and mum attended the appointment". They can't even be bothered to write dd's name and her mother attended the appointment.

My children call me mum, or mama, or ma. They are the only people in the world who are entitled to use that term. Nobody else is. It is incorrect for anybody other than my children to call me mum. I don't look up as a doctor arrives in the room and say "you doc". It would be extremely rude. I don't expect it to happen in reverse.

On a similar subject, I don't expect a doctor to use my first name either whilst expecting me to address him or her with a title. If they want to use my first name they can introduce themselves with their first name. If they want me to call them Dr Jones, Smith, Brown, then they can call me Mrs Roses. It isn't negotiable; it's an equality issue. Simple as. I am not their subordinate.

anyway I hope Tristan continues to do well and that his mother is now fully recovered from the upset of the first month of two.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 28/05/2017 01:40

I am glad your DS is doing better.

I live in the Southern US so everybody calls me 'ma'am' and DH is 'sir', apart from the vet's where I am JackelopeCat's Mommy Confused.

I agree with OhTheRoses about doctors and first names too. If someone expects me to address them by their formal title, then they should address me by my formal title too, unless they are trying to revive me when yelling my first name and slapping me around the face would be entirely acceptable.

Justdontgetitatall · 28/05/2017 01:49

Fingers crossed for you & Tristan OP x

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/05/2017 02:27

:)

That picture has a real "YAAAYYY" feel about it! Happy that he is doing so well.

I remember when DC5 was in with breathing problems and the littlest things pissed me off because it was easier than focussing on reality.
Glad that you are both doing well now xx

Designerenvy · 28/05/2017 03:25

I don't like it and I worked with sick children for a long time. It's the same as a colleague calling me pet/ darling/ dotieHmm..... I don't like it but a lot of my colleagues did it! I never understood why.
I usually referred to the parents by their first name and if I couldn't remember ( a lot of the time) I just didn't use any title etc. You can manage (very effectively ) to talk to a parent without the use of any name/ title ....I perfected it over the years Wink

Designerenvy · 28/05/2017 03:31

Just saw cutie photo of Tristan. He's adoreable. Enjoy him and I hope he continues to recover well for u!

user1492315100 · 28/05/2017 04:04

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MissEDashwood · 28/05/2017 04:11

What the actual fuck!

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