being called mum by nurses in hospital

[thecatsarecrazy]

I know its only a small thing and its probably because I've been here to long but the nurses calling me "mum" I'm not your mum, would it be so hard to learn my name? Has this annoyed anyone else?

I remember a thread about this a few years ago where EVERYONE said they didn't like being called Mum and many really objected to it. Strange.

The hardest part if peadeatric nursing must be dealing with the parents.

Why? I can think of many reasons but if it's that they won't go overboard with deference and be overjoyed when you call them 'Mum', then probably just as well.

No HCP I've ever had who does it knows I dislike it. But I do find it affects my relationship with them and how completely I'm willing to trust them.

Beautiful baby - congratulations!

I always disliked being called "Mum" as well, even though I'm sure it's because they have too many patients and parents to remember everyone's name (and, as a pp said, it can be a bit of a minefield). I also find the faux formality of schools a bit irritating as well, even though I know there's a huge element of the "too many names to remember" there as well. I suppose it's just one of those things that happens when you have a relationship with someone who simultaneously has exactly the same relationship with dozens of other people.

We go into one of the local shops regularly and the proprietor thinks my DH is rather lovely. She always calls me Mrs Osipova, albeit in a very friendly way. She's older than I am and I've always been slightly uncomfortable as I don't want to come over all "lady of the manor"ish. So - one day, I said "oh, please do call me Natalia"...at which point she looked rather embarrassed and said she was terrible at remembering names! So I felt I'd misjudged that one. She was just pleased to have recognised a regular customer and was trying to make me feel welcome by using the name she'd remembered because she'd clocked I was Mrs DH. (If that makes any sort of sense!).

When we were at our local hospital they took a photograph of Tristan and put it over his bed saying my name is Tristan and my mum and dad are... As for nurses they always tell me their first name.
He's pulled his feeding tube out several times, its not being used now I'm giving him bottles but it was stressing him when we first got here so they fed him that way. I've woken up this morning absolutely covered in milk because I didn't express last night.

I hope that means you did manage to get some sleep - and milk is probably the least worst fluid to wake up covered in!I hope Tristan gets his examination and then appropriate treatment today so you can both go home soon.

He is gorgeous OP,I'm sorry he's so poorly.I hope they give you some answers soon and that your both soon back home with your family where you belong

and for what it's worth I agree with you,I wouldn't be keen on being called Mum all the time,only my 5DC get to call me Mum.

Thecat it's so hard expressing in hospital, I stayed in a room a corridor away from the nicu and the nurses would ring me in the night when my son woke up hungry, on my way down hearing the babies crying my boobs would leak everywhere! I wasn't prepared for it as he was born so early!!!!

cats if you want support with feeding /expressing do ask - there will be someone who can help. I do feeding support in a neonatal unit, I don't routinely go to PICU but I could if someone needed me. I've been a mum of a sick baby expressing in hospital, I really feel for you.

How's little Tristan doing now op? He's a cutie pie.
Abbey road, that is so funny!

I'd personally rather have "sorry what was your name again?" rather than Mum. For many reasons.

1. I'm a foster carer. For a number of children, I'm not actually Mum at all. Tell them Mum's coming in a minute, or make references to me as Mum, and they will think someone completely different is coming through the door. Try explaining that one. Again. To the child who both loves and fears the woman they do know as Mum.

Maybe that's exceptional, but if it weren't the default for too many people, it would be far easier for staff to stop themselves from doing it.

Next reason. It depersonalises and de skills me. Maybe it's subtle. Maybe not. But sit in a formal meeting about your child. One with a note taker, one with legal standing. Go around the room "hello, I'm Dr. smith, LittleBlue's paediatrician.""Hello, I'm Mrs. Jones, physiotherapist" Mr Lee, Miss James, Mandy Brown (nurses don't get to be mr or Mrs or ms), round and round the room. And then "And for the records, this is Mum."
I introduce myself by name; the note taker references me as Mum. Throughout the written report, professionals are addressed by name. I am called Mum.

Don't call me Mum.

I don't for a second believe that no one cares; the staff I've met do care, very much. It's habit, that's all. But it's one they could make the effort to change.

As several PPs have pointed out/suggested, a board by the child's bed. With names on. They do it the other way round - my nurse for today is Helen, my admitting doctor is Mr. Jackson. It wouldn't take seconds to look up and read "my parents names are" and fill in the gaps.

I'm an older parent now; it's not beyond the realms of possibility that I could have birthed some of the nurses on the ward. Don't call me mum.

I wouldn't like them to keep asking my name, imagine a medical emergency situation, id rather they shout "mum you need to step back" or something of the like. They have so much shit to do, all day, that stopping to ask a name repeatedly is pathetic to expect.

I don't think anyone would object in an emergency situation, but they are rare. Many of us have spent weeks or months in hospital with a sick child. And I work in healthcare, and it's not that hard to check names.

Dh and I had it when our lo was in NICU/ SCBU. I had more important things to worry about

Beautiful boy hope you get home soon

I hate being called 'mum' I have ever since the first MW did it. I think it can strip you of identity, independence & it's also confusing! My kids don't call me mum, the only people who have ever called me mum are patronising MWs & health visitors...

I definitely noticed a correlation between the staff in hospitals and HVs and school staff etc who make an effort to call me by a name, or at the least "hello MiniC's mum", who tended to treat us all as individuals, and the ones who just called me "mum" all the time who tended to also be really patronising.

In emergencies I wouldn't care less - "get 'her' out the way" was perfectly acceptable in the circs.

I think when you go a long time just being called mum it wears you down it's nice to hear your own name from time to time

Thecats how is your son today? Have they suggested an endoscopy yet?

Bless his little heart, he's gorgeous. I hope he's on the mend now

Look at his lovely hair! Gorgeous boy.

DD was in NICU then SCBU and we had this a few times and I really hated it. I felt so depersonalised and desperate already and it did not help.
Fortunately our consultant and most of the nurses and staff made a huge effort to find out what we wanted to be called. It helped so much. It was a very traumatic time and we had plenty of other things to be worried about but it was just one small thing that helped.

You've gotten some shitty answers here from some absolutely atrocious cunts. Honestly, who thinks "oh, she's got a baby in special care, I'll just belittle her and call her parenting into question?" - you would not do that in real life, I am pretty sure. Doing it anonymously online doesn't make it ok.

I hope you get some answers on what's going on with Tristan and also that you get called by your name...

I understand that it sounds a bit clumsy and found this weird myself, but I totally get why childcare providers and HCPs do this.

It's much the same as working in a massive secondary school. Everyone calls you Miss (or Sir) which I found odd at first but then realised how much easier it made things.

Just read the full thread. Tristan is beautiful. Wishing him a speedy recovery and no wonder you are a bit narked by the mum thing

I absolutely hated being called mum by the nurses. Hope your lovely baby is soon better

Good luck to your boy. and to you.

Perhaps you could just introduce yourself with your first name "Hi, I'm ....and you are ?"

I agree it's depersonalizing, but no criticism for rushed nurses or doctors with a high turnover of patients and emergencies (though the whiteboard or even chalkboard is great and presumably is in the notes).

Where it becomes really depersonalizing is when you are old and people call you by your first name unasked. And all of us would get antsy with people who phone you unasked and say "can I call you first name, first name?"

Tristan is a lovely little guy, and I so hope he gets all better soon. It is horrible and lonely and terrifying (but also very very boring) just waiting in the hospital, whether you are the patient or the family member. Hoping you get some resolution soon and get home to the rest of your family.

I'm an HCP. You can't remember everyone's name, but you don't have to call them "Mum' - it's patronising.