being called mum by nurses in hospital

[thecatsarecrazy]

I know its only a small thing and its probably because I've been here to long but the nurses calling me "mum" I'm not your mum, would it be so hard to learn my name? Has this annoyed anyone else?

Glad youre back home. As I've never managed to learn the names of the staff when we've been in hospital (and am quite often not sure if I've even seen any given nurse before - v poor facial recognition) I am in no position to object to anyone calling me mum.

So, in a shop barbarianmum are you saying you wouldn't mind if retail staff called you shopper?

Don't be pedantic!

Oh goodness, what a gorgeous baby!! I want to cuddle him!

So glad he's on the mend. I was going to say yabu about being called mum, I was called mum when both mine were in hospital, the staff are busy, shift changes, endless kids and parents but it's moved on since then and I am just squeeeeee! at your baby!!

I'm not being pedantic, I drawing a parallel. In any other walk of life it would be unacceptable. I also wonder if it is practiced as often in relation to fathers?

It's about power and control and left over from the outmoded misogynistic paternalism embedded in the BHS at It's inception. We are still supposed to be grateful for this free service. Except it isn't free.

My accountant doesn't do this, my solicitor doesn't, the estate agent doesn't, my children's teachers don't. At work, and I work in a very hierarchical environment, we don't do it.

Yes it is unreasonable to expect nurses to learn your name. I've been a peadiatric nurse for 13 years. Only the very long term patients parents tend to get called by name as by then they are part of the furniture. We have 16 beds and a quick turnover. It's hard s enough remembering the kids names sometimes. Let alone all the assorted parents and grandparents.

op. Tristan is gorgeous. Hope you get answers soon. Maybe if you are feeling a bit fragile AIBU probably isn't the best place to post!

Could you ask about weekend leave? Or is he to poorly?

Just realised he's home and thriving. Great news.

I accept they can't learn everyone's name but they could say "are you Jane's mum", rather than just call a parent "mum". I am not the nurse's mum.

How would you feel if parent's started calling you nursey? Nursey being a diminutive of Nurse as mum is a diminutive of mother. I bet you wouldn't like it because it would feel disrespectful.

Thank you for this thread, OP. I work in a hospital and I wouldn't think twice about calling a relative "mum" because it's hard to learn so many names, but you've made me think more about it. I'm glad Tristan is doing well and on the mend

So pleased Tristan (great name) is home and doing well. I hope he continues to be well.

I spent a little bit of time in hospital when my DC1 was a baby, I found it hard as I was trying to get used to being a mother as well as being worried about my baby. It felt like my baby belonged to them - which sounds mad now I think of it but it felt all encompassing at the time. I certainly felt very unimportant in the hospital setting, which as a new mum did get to me, so I don't know if that's how you felt OP, but that's why I focused on the hatred of being 'mum'.

I hope you have lots of lovely baby cuddles OP

Hi OP, I missed this in Feb & March. So sorry Tristan had a rough time, very glad to hear he's doing better! My son (almost 18) spend July-Oct in SCBU as a premature baby weighting 1lb 12 oz. I can't tell you the amount of times people said to me 'Oh my goodness, he weighed less than a bag of sugar!' It got on my nerves after a while but then the people saying it didn't know how many people had said it before them so I just used to smile and say 'I know!'

Because DS was a long termer the staff got to know my name, thank god. Because when they used to say 'how's mum today?' or 'What does mum think of this?' I was really confused because I thought they were talking about my mum. He was my first and only child so I'd never been called mum before and it took a lot of getting used to! As a single parent my mum used to come to the hospital almost every day as well, so I really did get confused with whether they were talking to me or her - on top of the morphine, stress and lack of sleep it would have been much easier to have been called my own name!

Thinking of you all, and wishing you very few hopsital visits from now on

YANBU, this would grate on me too. I understand nurses cannot learn everyone's names, and I wouldn't expect them to know mine, but what's so wrong with asking "How are you?" - like any normal person would. If anyone said to me in real life "And how is Lockheart today?" it would be cringey in the extreme.

"How is mum?" feels - to me - patronising and as though I'm being spoken to like a child. Talk to me like you would any other human being please!

Pastoral care staff in schools, some social workers and others use this form of reference too. It's toe-curling.

I think they imagine they are being like buddies or something similarly awful.

YABU. They have far more important things to do that learn your name.

Cow in that case don't call me anything. I don't see them calling other patients "Man" or "husband"

Why is it just new Mothers?

I have no problem with nurses and doctors not remembering my name when I want them to concentrate on my child, but I still don't see why that justifies calling me mum. They didn't call me wife when DH was in hospital.

This practice irritates me more, however, when used by people like council officers in meetings about children. I fairly regularly go to meetings about disabled children and it really hacks me off that all the official types get called by their names but the parents are trivialised by being called mum and dad. Mind you, I find it quite a good way to wrong-foot officious types - I wait till they're at their most pompous and say "Excuse me, but Mrs X is not your mum, and we're not calling you "social worker", so do you think you could use her name?" It works a treat to throw them off their stride, especially when it becomes obvious that they can't actually remember what the mother's name is.

It's very experienced mothers too. I don't accept it. Funnily enough it doesn't happen nearly as much in private settings.

Dd's private psychiatrist doesn't call me anything but is generally welcoming and professional and her secretary calls
me Mrs Roses.

CAMHS and our A&E dept were shocking and I don't think it had anything to do with pressure and learning names. In fact the CAMHS nurse called me "mum". I said I'd prefer Mrs Roses. Twenty minutes later she asked to use my first name; I repeated I had already expressed my preference for Mrs Roses. She then wrote a report about Dr referring throughout to DD and mum. Which might have been palatable if the report had recorded information accurately and correctly. It did not and the errors were serious.

It's a cultural issue not a pressure of work issue. It says to me I don't respect you, you are not my equal and I will therefore keep you in your place. Well my place is as my child's care and advocate not as an hcp' s subordinate - someone they feel is so immaterial they need not afford them an iota of courtesy.

Yanbu. Glad to see your baby is home now. What amazes me sometimes on MN is not just that some people are cunts, but that they seem to relish advertising their own cuntishness.

I hope you get some answers soon and you can take Tristan home!
We are frequent flyers in our local hospital and unfortunately all the nurses know my name ..... Even the ward clerk and the cleaners!
It doesn't upset me being called mum though. Sometimes they are just sooooo busy! I'd rather they didn't the time focussed on my DS rather than me!

I hope you get some answers soon and you can take Tristan home!
We are frequent flyers in our local hospital and unfortunately all the nurses know my name ..... Even the ward clerk and the cleaners!
It doesn't upset me being called mum though. Sometimes they are just sooooo busy! I'd rather they didn't the time focussed on my DS rather than me!

Yabu
But I get really annoyed when midwives refer to my unborn baby as simply 'baby' I find it so fucking irrationally annoying to the point I want to stab them!
Like 'oh goodness baby doesn't want to play today' (when they can't get a clear scan pic for example)
Or 'baby seems very happy in there'
I know I'm being completely unreasonable, as unreasonable as the OP but I just can't explain why it annoys me so much!!!

OP I don't think you really want to know hunni, but some smart arse posted pictures of decapitated bodies on here whilst you were sound asleep, so called on mods to clear it as the photos were vile, nothing to do with Tristran, but didn't want you or anyone else seeing them. I'm so sorry.