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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When people compare labours?

81 replies

Simonely11 · 07/02/2017 21:52

How do you feel when people comment on how your labor was? For example mine was very quick first time round, 4 hours in total. I've had a few people say to me that I had a 'breeze' of a birth and I'm so lucky to not have gonethrough hell like them, (20 hour labors etc). If I remember correctly it was hell! It was excruciating and I couldn't have any pain relief. My sisters friend also said recently that I cheated birth and didn't experience what it was really like because I'm a 'cheater' I was biting my lip thinking yeah ok then! Definitely not an easy process, although I know it beats a 2-3 day labor hands down.

OP posts:
ninenicknames · 07/02/2017 21:55

I had a long labour.

I've heard a quick labour is worse physically & mentally.

I love hearing labour stories, I never compare as everyone is so different in how they react to pain etc ....

Smile & nod.

littlewoodentrike · 07/02/2017 21:57

I guess it's that we all think ours was worse than anybody else's. I've had fast and slow labours, and the fast ones were waaaay more painful, but thankfully over quicker! I'm not sure which I'd prefer. Hopefully she'll have another child and a fast labour with it, and she'll realise it's really not a walk in the park!

GinIsIn · 07/02/2017 21:57

I'm due any day and have a family history of very quick labour. This scares the shit out of me, as I don't feel like I will be prepared for the pain and DH has a 2 hour commute. Whenever I try and discuss it with friends or my NCT group, everyone tells me I'm lucky and should be grateful....

Nicketynac · 07/02/2017 21:57

Cheated? WTF?
I was in labour for four days with DD and three and half of them were a breeze so long labour isn't necessarily worse.
Everyone is different, every baby is different and length of labour is not a good way to judge it. Either tell them to eff off or tell them all about it in excruciating detail. "Then I felt the skin tear... Then a terrible smell filled the room..." [grin ]

early30smum · 07/02/2017 21:59

It's awful when people judge/comment on this. Apparently I haven't 'given birth' because I had 2 c sections (both emergency) yes sure, whatever. Just smile and nod. It's not a competition to see whose was easier/harder/more traumatic.

ditzychick34 · 07/02/2017 22:00

Yeah, smile and nod, it's all the same overall. Baby out of your vagina, don't matter the time taken. Everyone copes differently.
Exceptions of course for c-sections, different variety of pain

MollyHuaCha · 07/02/2017 22:00

Fenella, you will be fine. Smile People love to dwell on their birth stories! Makes a good conversation opener when you are at your first mum and baby group...

Chasingsquirrels · 07/02/2017 22:01

Dc1 was 2 hours. It hurt. After I'd had him I did the whole comparing thing and thought "bloody hell I'd thought it was easy but in reality it was a breeze!".
I have to say I didn't understand people "doing things" between contractions though, I didn't really have any time between contractions.

Then I had dc2, 15 mind from waters going, literally a handful of contractions lasting 10 mins total, although delivering the placenta took longer! That really was a breeze! But it still hurt at the time.

ditzychick34 · 07/02/2017 22:01

Sorry reread that! Didn't mean c sections were worse, just different!

LilacSkyes · 07/02/2017 22:02

I had a 14 hour labour and a 2 hour labour.. both very different, and both VERY painful.
No one 'cheats' at labour.. everyone has their own experience and own pain threshold. There seems to be a 'thing' about mums trying to one up each other on how bad/good it was..

Just ignore

birdladyfromhomealone · 07/02/2017 22:02

Actually your right! A long labour you cope because the pain builds as you release endorphin's ( natural pain relief)
With a precipitous labour this doesnt happen so you and your baby are shocked, did you shake afterwards?
My first was 12 hours , 2nd 2 hours and 3rd 1.40mins. The last was by far the worst pain.
Congratulations you did not cheat!!!

ollieplimsoles · 07/02/2017 22:02

Ive got a saying when it comes to labour- if you think its hard, then it definitely is.

All women experience it differently and no two births are the same, so many factors to consider.
During pregnancy I was very miserable, I felt nothing was in my control, I was sick all the time and felt guilty because so many people have it way worse than me and were not complaining.
During labour I was in total control, I felt like I completely owned what was happening to me, felt very confident and wasn't scared, on a scale of 1 to 10, I rated the pain a 3. It went relatively quickly too, I went from 5/6 cms to 10cms on less than 40 mins. I loved every minute of it.

Lots of women have told me how lucky I was (its true a lot of it is down to luck) but I couldn't stand to be examined, it was worse than the pain of contractions by far and had to have g&a to tolerate it- other mums have told me they don't understand and felt nothing when they were checked during labour.

You found your labour tough, and it definitely was my dear- no question about it Flowers

datingbarb · 07/02/2017 22:04

Cheated Shock

I have had 4 extremely fast labours all under 1 hours but they were bloody intense going from 3cm to 10cm in a matter of 10 minutes is hell and like you say no time for pain relief of any type!

SuperBeagle · 07/02/2017 22:06

My short labour was rougher than my long one.

But let's be real: giving birth isn't exactly fun for anyone.

ollieplimsoles · 07/02/2017 22:06

fenella

The best piece of advice I took with me when having dd (and I read it on here) was
Try to see labour/birth as something you are doing, rather than something that is being done to you.

Something just clicked when I read that and the mindset really helped me in labour.

Chasingsquirrels · 07/02/2017 22:06

Yes the shaking afterwards.
I didn't with my 2 hr Dc1, but 15 min Dc2 I just sat on the floor with him both of us wrapped in a towel and shook.

Ohdearducks · 07/02/2017 22:07

My 9 minute disembowelling, sorry, induced 2nd labour was fucking horrific beyond measure compared to my 12 hour first labour.
Give me long labours any day, an exploding cervix due to too much prostaglandin gel is not the one.

DangerousBeanz · 07/02/2017 22:07

I had 2 very easy labours and v quick deliveries, I didn't even realise I was in labour with my second when my friend noticed I was rubbing my tum about every 3 minutes and phoned the ambulance, I gave birth 40 minutes later without ever getting on the bed, just leaning on it with my elbows, she was still in the bag as my waters never broke, DH missed it.
It was completely stress free for both of us and dd is the most chilled out child in the world.
i don't give a damn what anyone else thinks about my deliveries and Labour I'd take mine over most peoples any day.

Only1scoop · 07/02/2017 22:07

I don't discuss childbirth with friends etc. grim.

Winniethepooer · 07/02/2017 22:08

I've given birth 6 times.
My labours have ranged from 25 to 90 minutes.

I never ever have the competitive labour conversation. No 2 labours are alike. Whats the point?

SuperBeagle · 07/02/2017 22:08

Also, ditto the shaking.

frozenfairy123 · 07/02/2017 22:08

Actually the birth experience makes a huge difference in your physical and mental capacity to look after a newborn. With my first I was in labour for a long time, vomiting and unable to eat, exhausted by the time I had him in my arms have not slept for 2 days. I'm sorry but that doesn't compare to a 2 hour labour. My second was much better and I had more energy from the start.

SuperBeagle · 07/02/2017 22:10

I'm sorry but that doesn't compare to a 2 hour labour.

In your experience.

ThinkPinkStink · 07/02/2017 22:10

I concur - it seems to me like a lot of parenting is about competitive misery.

Not pregnant yet - 'you never know love until you have a baby'

You get pregnant - 'oh it's SO HARD, it's the hardest thing you'll ever do'

Birth - 'first babies always take weeks to birth' or 'oh a csection isn't really like giving birth, you lucked out'

Breastfeeding - 'you need to sit under your baby for 18 hours a day for fifteen years, you won't be able to move from the sofa for months'

Sleep - 'you'll never sleep again'

Fun - 'you'll never do anything you like again'

Leaving the house - 'you'll never be on time again'

Washing - 'oh I'm lucky if I have time to shower'

And if you dare to suggest that you are finding any part of parenting enjoyable or your baby is sleeping reasonably... 'oh just wait, enjoy it while it lasts'.

Sorry I digress, but I'm with you OP some people's insistence on how awful everything is and how they had it worse than anyone else in the history of mankind really can grind your gears!

ollieplimsoles · 07/02/2017 22:11

Actually the birth experience makes a huge difference in your physical and mental capacity to look after a newborn.

I agree, thats why after suffering nine months of depression through a shit pregnancy I was determined to take control back in labour, whatever happened.