Not to pay my teen for babysitting?

[MillionToOneChances]

I'm a single parent to 15 year old DD, 12 year old DS. If I go out when they're with me - which has been rare but I recently started a weekly evening activity - DD babysits DS for free. AIBU?

Not a TAAT but I noticed on the thread about large families that having to babysit was considered most unfair. I just see it as leaving both of them in their own home while I go out. They mostly sit in their bedrooms doing homework or on their devices.

I facilitate her paid babysitting work, dropping her off and collecting her (DS old enough to be left for 5 mins while I pop out), and I get a paid babysitter if she's offered a paid job that clashes. She doesn't ask for or expect any money, and I have asked her if she's ok with not being paid.

My 13yo ds sometimes 'babysits' his sisters (11 & 9). This would be whilst I'm having a drink in a neighbour's garden or going shopping. I don't pay him. Equally, if he's had a better offer to go to a mate's house or similar, I accept this & make other arrangements.

It's part of family life - he's the oldest so 'babysitting' just means he gets to be the one who rings me if there's a problem. Actually dd1 is probably more sensible than he is!

I donate a pizza or snacks to the cause, he knows this is good leverage for asking me to say, top up his phone or let him download a new game - & he gets plenty of perks because of being the eldest, frankly - first dibs on a phone or laptop which will eventually be handed down to a sister, for example.

If the neighbour in question comes over here she quite often calls on ds to babysit her (younger) dc, for which she does pay him. Different situation.

Having said that, if i required more of him than being in the house & willing to keep an eye on the younger ones, I'd be happy to pay. They are all pretty self sufficient.

I was an unpaid sitter and hated it, I had no say in the number of children and should never have been responsible for them. Tidy my room yes but free childcare no.

Mine aren't expected to be free childcare or cleaners. They can do that as adults when they make their own choices.

But what if you had hated tidying up and enjoyed babysitting, Ruby? As I did. Why does the whole world have to centre around the specific preferences of a few posters?

And do you think the rest of us should also stop doing favours to our parents and aunts and cousins and nephews and nieces because we had no say in having them?

And what would our teens' lives be like if nobody ever did more than exactly the job they had taken on in having them? That would be their own parents making sure they are clothed and fed and educated, then. Most of them get a lot, a lot, a lot more than that.

Excellent point Cory and PPs. She's very happy to 'babysit' for free but hates her (very limited) chores and would ditch them if they were optional. They're not, because they're part of being part of our family.

Unless you are asking her to not go out in order to mind her brother, it is not babysitting.

I started leaving my own kids aged 14, 12 and 10 (pub quiz one night a week 1.5 mins up the road everyone had a phone).

I would not have paid my 14 year old even though he was "in charge".

DS1 now 19 and on the rare occasion we go out in the evening when DSDs 1 & 2 are here we pay him £20 (or 17 yr old DD).

YANBU