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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Massive room for 3yo -AIBU

167 replies

funkky · 06/02/2017 16:09

Just after some advice and to get people's thoughts.
Scenario: 4 bedroom house and two Massive bedrooms, one tiny bedroom and study.
I currently have a ds in the tiny room and he is 3, and a dd 3 months old in cot in the master bedroom with Us.
I think both kids should share the second big room till they are around 10? ish. To help them bond and mainly because I can't imagine ds all there by himself at this age in the massive room. When they are older, dd can move to tiny room while ds retains big room.
Dh thinks it's not worth the hassle and to just put 3 yo in big room now and baby by herself in small room when we move her at 6 months. He also thinks bedtimes will be easier if they are apart than together plus not keen cause they are different sexes??

This is more a what do people do tbh as if they were both the same sex, we both agree they would definitely be sharing the big room. It really is massive even bigger than our master bedroom and if we ever have guests stay over, they will have to share with ds but at least we can have a spare room for guests if they both share? AIBU?

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBag · 06/02/2017 17:50

Our dc have differently sized bedrooms.

DS1 has a huge bedroom, with loads of storage space, which doubled up as a playroom for them both when they were little.

DS2 has a very small room, with space for just a chest of drawers.

3 years apart.

It's never, ever been an issue.

GrassWillBeGreener · 06/02/2017 17:50

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that we had almost exactly this scenario. We put ours together in a lovely large room when the youngest was maybe 5 months and his sister 3 and a little bit. It worked really well for several years, regardless of same or different bedtimes. Moved the youngest into his own room age 5 1/2 which was about right by then as their sleeping patterns were rather different (one a lark, one a nightowl). So you may also find that waiting till the oldest is 10 to separate them may not work out, but certainly it's ideal for now.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 06/02/2017 17:51

I wouldn't automatically think it's fair for DD to have the tiny room. I know that's what happens for most second kids but still. It's not fair. I would toss a coin for the big room and then they swap every couple of years. I was in a tiny box room while my sister had the massive room and I really hated it. I would have loved to have experienced more space of my own in the 19 years I lived at my parent's.

SomethingBorrowed · 06/02/2017 17:52

This is what I would do

Parents keep a large room (obviously... )

Children share a large room. If this causes issues until they both sleep through the night without disturbing each other another room can be used as a backup bedroom, but the large room is still officially for both of them.
When they get older and need to be separated due to being b/g, they take turns in keeping the large room/going to a smaller room.

steff13 · 06/02/2017 17:54

if you think that respect for your parents has anything to do with the size of the bedroom, it's very sad.

Agree. Our house had three bedrooms. When we bought it, we had two children. Then, whoops, the girl one came along. My husband and I took one of the smaller rooms, since our two older boys would have to share (they were 9 and 11 and were obviously not going to share with an infant), and let them have the master. We don't really "hang out" in our room like the kids do, anyway. Pretty much all of our bedroom activities take place in the bed, so as long as it and our clothes fit, we're good.

lifetothefull · 06/02/2017 17:54

So have another baby and whichever gender you have more of get the bigger room Wink

Astro55 · 06/02/2017 17:57

So have another baby and whichever gender you have more of get the bigger room

She'll have boy/girl twins!! Or triplets

SingingInTheRainstorm · 06/02/2017 18:02

I would say if you have the space as a bedroom with play area he's fine. Personally I would give them each a bedroom unless you want to have a spare room as a guest bedroom or something else.
I shared till I was 5 and hated it, I got a big room and absolutely loved it.
Has it got fitted wardrobes etc? If not by the time you've furnished it, it might not be that massive.
That being said I know a family with 4 children in a 3 bed house, all of them share the big room and the other room is a play room. So there's no rhyme or reason, the eldest will be in secondary school next academic year.

pregnantat50 · 06/02/2017 18:03

how about the person that has the smallest room also has the study as a play room/dressing room...so either one massive room or 2 smaller rooms

LoupGarou · 06/02/2017 18:07

I would also let the two children have the two biggest rooms, then the parents could have one of the small rooms as a bedroom and the other as a study/walk in closet/dressing rooms with, as a pp said, some cunning storage. I have always thought large bedrooms are a waste of space for adults though, I don't spend much time in my bedroom, I'd rather have bigger rooms in my living space.

I agree. I would think my parents were crazy if they let me have big room while two of them shared a smaller space! It would have made me see them as pushovers and the entitlement mentality that will put on me as a child would have been disastrous
If something like that would make your DC feel that way then you have bigger issues with your parenting than room sizes.

cuckooplusone · 06/02/2017 18:08

Hello

I would put both kids in the small rooms, but just for sleeping and have the big room to share as a play room with a sofa bed for guests.

Littleballerina · 06/02/2017 18:18

Yes, eldest are opposite sex. No issues.

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 18:18

NoCleanClothes: I agree that it would be petty if the children needed the space and someone was going to be going without a bed. But that isn't the case here, and two adults aleeping in a box room to make room for Peppa Pig junk or whatever definitely diminishes their status in the home.

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 18:19

Seriously, MN is a crazy place sometimes! I can't believe the suggestion that two adults should share a box room for no real reason Confused

teaforbreakfast · 06/02/2017 18:24

See I think it's crazy that you wouldn't.

As an adult you generally just sleep in your room.

If it's not for you that's fine, but it's not 'crazy' either.

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 18:26

teaforbreakfast: In my opinion it is bizarre - I can't help what I think about it. Obviously people can do as they like.

teaforbreakfast · 06/02/2017 18:28

It's only bizarre to you because it isn't how you think a family home should be fun but there are actually many practical reasons why it's a good idea.

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 18:29

teaforbreakfast: As I say, I can't help my view that it is a strange thing to do. You aren't obliged to agree!

teaforbreakfast · 06/02/2017 18:30

Of course not, but my point is that it isn't 'strange' at all. It certainly isn't something so outlandish it requires several posts proclaiming how 'bizarre' it is!

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 18:33

teaforbreakfast: I disagree, evidently.

mambono5 · 06/02/2017 18:36

Some parents are happy to have toys all over the house because the kids don't have any space to play in a box room, others prefer to contain the kids in their own bedrooms. Some have a playroom, others have a dining room. Why is that crazy.

It's fascinating that some posters are so astonished to discover that not everybody lives the way they do.

teaforbreakfast · 06/02/2017 18:38

Mambono

We always went to France as kids.

I don't find it 'bizarre' some families went to Spain, Greece, Italy, stayed in the U.K. Or - gasp - didn't have a holiday.

Also some children have special needs which can make sharing high on impossible. In these instances the parents can't put the child back so may need to rethink original strategy.

It isn't 'bizarre.' You might find it so trifle but it's a strange world view to have!

waterrat · 06/02/2017 18:40

Haven't rtft but mine shared from when the little one left our room ar six months. It is so lovely !! And bedtime is much easier !! They are boy and girl and thst is obviously not an issue until much later...I wpuld definitely give them a big room to share that can also be a playroom.

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 18:41

I'm not insisting anyone agrees - just my individual take on it.

Sugarlightly · 06/02/2017 18:42

I shared with my younger sister until I needed a bigger bed which I think is a good solution. It's nice to have your own room when you're growing up and if you have the space you should. Youngest gets smallest room 😉