Massive room for 3yo -AIBU

[funkky]

Just after some advice and to get people's thoughts.
Scenario: 4 bedroom house and two Massive bedrooms, one tiny bedroom and study.
I currently have a ds in the tiny room and he is 3, and a dd 3 months old in cot in the master bedroom with Us.
I think both kids should share the second big room till they are around 10? ish. To help them bond and mainly because I can't imagine ds all there by himself at this age in the massive room. When they are older, dd can move to tiny room while ds retains big room.
Dh thinks it's not worth the hassle and to just put 3 yo in big room now and baby by herself in small room when we move her at 6 months. He also thinks bedtimes will be easier if they are apart than together plus not keen cause they are different sexes??

This is more a what do people do tbh as if they were both the same sex, we both agree they would definitely be sharing the big room. It really is massive even bigger than our master bedroom and if we ever have guests stay over, they will have to share with ds but at least we can have a spare room for guests if they both share? AIBU?

kierenthecommunity: One room for mum and dad, one big bedroom, one small bedroom and one small bedroom/study, I assume.

Wouldn't you just be storing up problems for when they are 10? At that age your son will argue that the room should be his but equally, your daughter will only ever have had that bedroom so she'll also feel it should be hers. And what about sleepovers? They start well before age 10, will you chuck one child into the spare room when the other sibling has friends staying the night?

How tiny is the tiny room? We have the smallest room as our bedroom in the house, as we only sleep there. Kids will have the 2 big ones, as they will have their friends there, loads of toys etc - at the moment they (3 and 1) share one big room, and it works out very nicely, no issues with bed time, they like the company.
So I would do it your way.

My 2 DD's share a room and I think it makes things easier (at this stage).

They're 3 and 5 and will chat together before falling asleep or play together if they wake up early in the morning.

Older DD also doesn't like being on her own so enjoys sharing.

When they are older our situation is easier as the spare bedroom is a similar size.

When my Dsis and I shared I voluntary moved out into the small box room - having my own space was more important than having a big space!

I think you'll need to find a fairer way though than 'first born DS gets the big room and that's it'.

I'd make the other large room a study and guest room. Giving DCs a smaller room each

I would keep them separate, the eldest gets the bigger room but also get the storage for most of the toys and clothes, freeing space for the little room.

I'm confused - you've a 4 bed house, 2 big rooms and one small but the study is downstairs - is that not a 3 bed? How big is the other bedroom?

Whatever you decide (and if remodelling isn't an option), they can always swap rooms every 18 months or so maybe. My sister and I did this.

I'd put them into small rooms from the beginning, with a multi-function study/guest room/playroom with cunning furniture solutions in the largest room.

This ^

TBH I wouldn't plan for visitors to always share a room with one of my children. If nothing else, some of those adults might feel very vulnerable in that situation.

We also shared until we were 6/8

DB and I shared until he was 5 and I was 6. I don't think us bonding was anything to do with it. I had to go to bed with him and just lie in the dark before I was tired, and then he would wake me up too early every morning. When we moved I got the big room because I spent more time playing indoors, and he got the small room because he was always in the garden.

ime, younger children need bigger rooms as they have bigger toys and play on the floorspace. Older children have gadgets and sit on their beds more.

We had a similar scenario when DC were young albeit no rooms were massive. Things changed over the years without having much hassle or need for redecoration etc.

1. DC 1 has small room as a nursery as baby and toddler. Larger room was spare room.
2. When dc2 was old enough to move from our room he went into a cot in the ( now not) spare room which also now had a sofa bed and was used a both dc's playroom, too.
3. When dc2 outgrew his cot we put both DC into the small room in bunks and continued using the bigger room as playroom with sofa bed for guests.
4. We built a loft conversion and our old room became spare room and boys split with dc2 getting the bigger room purely because he actually played with his toys whereas dc1 didn't so much. They wer about 8 and 10 by now.

So things do change and it's not really possible to predict all of these things. My nephew who is 7 begged with all of his heart to have his baby sister share with him and insisted his other sister had her own room and that works fine, too.

OMG, cross that bridge when you come to it. I would not be worrying about what rooms kids will have in a decade's time... You might have moved by then!

I was also wondering if you could move walls. Tiny and massive seem one or the other seems to lose out big time.

I can also say having a 9 year old. Body changes are happening now. If sharing unless no other option. I would say 7 ..

One of my friends had both her littlies in the smallest room until the eldest needed a proper bed (and not just a toddler bed). Could you do this and delay the decision? Then you have your spare room a little longer. (More of an issue when they're young and family more likely to visit.)

Personally, I'd leave DS where he is for now, put a guest bed and the cot in the big room or put the cot in there and have it as a play room for them both.

You have the small room and let the children have the two larger rooms. Only fair. The rest of the house is 'yours'.

When a pair of adults are squashing themselves into a box room so their children can have big rooms for all their crap, something has gone wrong in the natural order of family life. Why are people so intent on martyring themselves? The children will grow up, move out and can have the big room then.

It's sunnyday. Maybe it is classed as a 3 bed with a study and I wrongly called it a 4 bed.
BertandRussel the post is not really about who eventually gets the bigger room as that's not the point but whether to have them in separate rooms now or later.

Thanks for all the comments, I'll read through and see if I can come to some conclusion. Big and small room are next to each other, happy to read about removing wall to get small room a bit bigger.

I'd use the massive room as a study but put a double bed in to double as a spare room when necessary. Buy some lockable cabinets for anything confidential. Then both kids get a room each.

we have this situation, we kept baby in tiny room until reliably sleeping through, oldest kid in huge room.
Now they are sharing, the first kid who wants their own room gets the tiny room, with high sleeper etc.
The kid in the big room will have a double bed, but has to get out every time we have visitors who will want the bed (so the big room has a cost).

How massive is massive and how tiny is tiny? It sounds like your house has the traditional 1930s upstairs - 2 similar-sized rooms and a box room, so it's not like you'll have been the first family to go through this!

I don't think you should give DS the big room as a fait accompli - as the eldest I had the larger room as I had a keyboard and clarinet but when I stopped playing them my brother got to swap with me so I could be next to the bathroom. It's fairer to decide on individual circumstances at the time.

Our children have a room each but enjoy the novelty of sleeping in each other's rooms at the weekend. Personally I don't see the point in keeping a room empty unnecessarily but if you think they'll actively enjoy sharing then there's no issue with them being different sexes.

I too don't think its fair you have already decided your DS will get the biggest room ? You say this isn't the point of the thread but you have mentioned it and people are bound to pick up on it as on the face of it, it sounds like blatant favoritism..

We have that situation in our house.
I would NOT out them together and then put your dd in the small room.
First of all why your dd and not your ds is getting the bigger room? At the very least, why not swapping around?

Then having two dcs in the same room mean they are likely to be waking each other up. Not an issue if your have two dcs who sleep well. Not so good if the youngest doesn't sleep through until they are 2 or 3yo (looks at dc2....)

We had dc1 in the big room and dc2 in the small room because as a baby dc2 didn't need that much space.
It's still the same arrangement now that they are teenagers, which in some ways I regret. We should have made swap at some point.

What has happened is that the dcs ended up always playing in dc1 room where there was some space.
We also had The conservatory that was used as a playroom (and could have become dc2 'extension' iyswim).
By experience also having two rooms where they could both their own space has proven invaluable (when they were primary age and of course now as teenagers)