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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Massive room for 3yo -AIBU

167 replies

funkky · 06/02/2017 16:09

Just after some advice and to get people's thoughts.
Scenario: 4 bedroom house and two Massive bedrooms, one tiny bedroom and study.
I currently have a ds in the tiny room and he is 3, and a dd 3 months old in cot in the master bedroom with Us.
I think both kids should share the second big room till they are around 10? ish. To help them bond and mainly because I can't imagine ds all there by himself at this age in the massive room. When they are older, dd can move to tiny room while ds retains big room.
Dh thinks it's not worth the hassle and to just put 3 yo in big room now and baby by herself in small room when we move her at 6 months. He also thinks bedtimes will be easier if they are apart than together plus not keen cause they are different sexes??

This is more a what do people do tbh as if they were both the same sex, we both agree they would definitely be sharing the big room. It really is massive even bigger than our master bedroom and if we ever have guests stay over, they will have to share with ds but at least we can have a spare room for guests if they both share? AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

funkky · 06/02/2017 17:17

Definitely be getting different rooms!

OP posts:

honeylulu · 06/02/2017 17:20

When I was school age I was friends with three sisters. They had a four bed house. Three bedrooms were big and one was tiny! They rotated rooms every 6 months (the girls not the parents) as the mum and dad couldn't think of another way to do it fairly.
It would mean more hassle but it's fair.

Original poster

funkky · 06/02/2017 17:21

Thanks araiwa. That's definitely something I've not thought through. Baby obviously not sleeping through and waking her brother up.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 17:22

On the simplest level, adults are bigger than children so usually need a bigger bed. There are also two of them so probably more clothes.

But more subtly, the 'master' bedroom being occupied by the parents is a symbol of their authority - like the insignia employed by royalty, it conveys the fact that they are in charge. No minor thing.

mambono5 · 06/02/2017 17:23

It would have made me see them as pushovers and the entitlement mentality that will put on me as a child would have been disastrous

Good grief, some people really have issues on this forum. I have seen parents without a bedroom, sleeping in the living room and giving up the only bedroom for their kids. Not only the kids grew up fine, but they have very strong value and work ethic because the understand that money can be tight.

I chose my bedroom based on what floor it is. I wouldn't sleep on the top floor and leave my little ones downstairs, but that's just a personal choice.

You ask a question, and you are awfully rude to people bringing suggestions. Why don't you go and buy a house with similar size bedrooms, instead of 2 "massive" rooms and 2 small ones. Seriously, why would people try to help someone as unpleasant as you are. You are doing just fine with entitlement mentality already.

Xmasbaby11 · 06/02/2017 17:28

We have dd 3 and 5 and a 4 bed house (one bedroom tiny and used as study). Until recently the dc had a double bedroom each but we moved them in together so we now have a guest room. It works brilliantly and they play more in their bedroom now. They really didn't need a double bedroom each.

I'd do whatever works now and worry about the future later.

Original poster

funkky · 06/02/2017 17:29

mambono I did have a good think before putting that comment up considering I was here asking for advice.
When I was younger and my older long gone siblings visited, my mum happily gave up her room for them and shared with me as she wanted them more comfy in her nicer room. Etc Just passing a thought on the posters comments for a more permanent arrangement but I am a greatful for most of the feedback received. Thank you.

OP posts:

irregularegular · 06/02/2017 17:31

it's a way back now, but my post about sharing should have said girl about 18m older than boy. duh!

the reason for sharing in our case was so that their bedroom was on the same floor as ours.

VocalDuck · 06/02/2017 17:31

So it is a three bed noise? One child in one room, you and your DH in another and the other child in the third room.

Two young children in the same room will wake each other up and long term this can cause tiredness and make schooling more difficult for them. Obviously some family have no choice, but you do.

I also don't understand why guests would have to share with the child in the larger room. Why couldn't you and your DH move into that room with your child and give your guests your room or to else have the child spend the night with you.

VocalDuck · 06/02/2017 17:33

*house not noise!

BarbarianMum · 06/02/2017 17:33

We did exactly what you are proposing (have them sharing for now) and it worked really well. Avoided all the arguments about who was allowed in whose room that my brother used to have.

NoCleanClothes · 06/02/2017 17:33

I would have absolutely hated to share with my brother beyond the age of about 5. You definitely can't force them to be close by putting them in a room together - they may be very different characters or just need their own space. (Obviously they may also be happy sharing I'm just saying definitely don't count on it or that it will miraculously make them bond - might be the exact opposite).

MimiSunshine · 06/02/2017 17:34

If the rooms are next to each then I'd definitely steal space from the huge room for the little one.

It really won't be too expensive although the cost of decorating and at least 1 new carpet will have to factored in but will more than likely add value as you'll have a three bed with more equal sized rooms.

they don't need to be equal sized, just a bit more balanced, if it's not financially possible to do it straight away put the baby in the little room and extend her room when you can.

I'd put a sofa bed in the study downstairs and guests can stay in there when necessary

mambono5 · 06/02/2017 17:35

if you think that respect for your parents has anything to do with the size of the bedroom, it's very sad.

Trills · 06/02/2017 17:36

You don't know yet what kind of personality your kids might have.

I would have HATED sharing a bedroom at any age and thought it very unfair to have to do so if there was another bedroom available.

NoCleanClothes · 06/02/2017 17:37

I'm also with mambono5 people are being ridiculous in assuming the if the parents don't have the biggest bedroom the children are necessarily spoilt and entitled. A bedroom doesn't have to have huge symbolism - the parents can make a decision about who needs the biggest bedroom - i.e. who will make best use of the space. Usually that's the parents because there are two of them. But if they don't need or want the biggest space it's ridiculous to take it just because they want to impose their authority as the "head of the house". That just makes them look petty and ridiculous.

Slimmingsnake · 06/02/2017 17:38

Large room as guest room / playroom with a sofa bed,and both kids get a small room each...then they can play and share toys upstairs,no mess downstairs...and retreat the their separate same size rooms for sleep. Perfect😃

teaforbreakfast · 06/02/2017 17:40

YY mambono

My parents made us share until we were about 7. I don't know why as we had a 4 bed house. I hated it!

jamdonut · 06/02/2017 17:40

My daughter had a miniscule room.

She also had a lot of "stuff"...

Put it this way, she has so much room in her shared house at uni, she hardly knows herself!

scottishdiem · 06/02/2017 17:41

Growing up with one sibling in a three bedroom house (two doubles and a single) I had the middle size room and younger sibling had the smaller one until it became clear the difference in room sizes was unfair. Parents actually rejigged the smaller room and fit a double bed in with wardrobes and storage around it and some storage on the landing. Sibling got the larger room but I didnt mind.

At no point was the concept of sharing a space even considered. We would probably have done lasting damage to each other with a similar age gap you gave. It would just get annoying about who had the space - who would get to play in their room with friends for example? Would you have two tvs/consoles/computers in your room? etc. I would try to avoid it, not for the difference in gender but the shear hassle and pain sibling rivalries will cause you in about 5 years.

GoingSlowly · 06/02/2017 17:42

We had a similar situation when we were kids. My sister and I just swapped around every three years. She would have the big room, then three years later I would have it, and so on. When we got older, I preferred the smaller room anyway, so I chose to have it.

Slimmingsnake · 06/02/2017 17:44

Ahh I just read the study is downstairs....huumm..I think if money allows I would look at splitting the biggest room in two .and giving them half each

Slimmingsnake · 06/02/2017 17:47

We've had to knock our house about quite a bit for bedrooms..we took out the ensuite and some of another room to make a 5 th bedroom .its small ,but it means no one shares ..cost £1500. Looks like it was always like that.

Astro55 · 06/02/2017 17:49

I just assumed ds would have bigger room cause he's older

You do realize that DD will never be the eldest -

My sister uses this crap excuse - eldest in the front - eldest biggest room - eldest choses X YZ god it's wearing!

At least let them have a fair crack at choosing

LoupGarou · 06/02/2017 17:50

Toddler DS has a large bedroom, he also has a playroom, a reading room/study and a separate play area in the living room. We want our house to be our forever home so we designed to so that we have the space we want even as our needs change, and so that DS can have a separate "suite" as it were should he ever need it when he's older. DS still cosleeps though, so his bedroom currently functions as an extra playroom.

It wouldn't bother me at all if DS had a bigger bedroom than us, I do less charging around than he does so don't need as much space .

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