to not get it when people talk about 'relaxing family time'

[deliverdaniel]

I've seen lots of threads on here where people talk about relaxing family weekends, or various where people have suggested that the OP just 'relax' at home when (usually) her partner is out pursuing a hobby or similar.

Do these people have much older children than ours? Am I doing something wrong? Family life with young kids can be many lovely things- joyous/ fulfilling/ rewarding but IME almost never 'relaxing.' We have 2 active DS's aged 6 and 3. Looking after them is fun but almost constant hard work. They need very careful supervision not to break anything/ hurt themselves/ start fighting etc. they constantly need help with things. they want to play boring, repetitive games with us. We encourage them to be self sufficient and the older one can play on his own for a while (esp w legos) but even then it isn't particularly relaxing as we are constantly looking out for the younger one and often to maek sure he doesn't break his brother's lego creations etc. Occasionally we resort to TV and now sometimes films although the younger one won't concentrate for long, adn putting on kids tv doesn't really count as a relaxing family activity for us. We are usually exhausted.

Don't get me wrong- we adore our kids, have some great days out and times with them. But it's certainly not relaxing. What does the 'relaxing' that everyone else seems to be doing with their young kids consist of?

Genuine question?

Yura, good idea! May have to brace our nearest adventure playground this half term.

It's basically 48 hours worth of Bootcamp.

Some people just have easier children I'm afraid. Unfortunately other parents don't always realize this and think that you must be doing something wrong. In fact you are doing fantastic parenting while they chillax but you have tougher terrain to work with.

It will get easier. For so long I couldn't get anything done while DS was at home, when he got to the stage that I could just get on with whatever, it took about a year to realize. But then it probably took about a year to recover from the preceding 6 years of relentless assault on the senses.

He had a wee pal over recently and I was shocked to find myself having a cup of tea and reading for an hour while they peacefully lego'd in his bedroom. The following week the wee pal came again and they had a sword fight in the hall, terrorizing the elderly cat and triggering a recurring UTI, so she pee'd all over the place for a fortnight. But there was an hour of reading in peace.

RainbowBriteRules: we're lucky, ours is 15 min away. But any big playground or park with water, mud, trees etc will do in an emergency (like "holidays")

I've got a 3 and 6 yo (although DS2 is nearly 4 and the age gap is slightly over 2 years). The last year has made a big difference as they can manage a decent play together and don't have too many rows that require intervention. I can sneak off for bursts of quiet time. Life is more relaxed than it was... but then my idea of relaxation involves cross country running, so I may not be the best judge

Giving them chance to burn out helps. Swimming itself isn't relaxing, but it burns them out beautifully. Meeting other families and letting them have a big romp together is also easier.

I agree that the freedom of activities like camping tends to end up more relaxing than than structured places like hotels.

I also support some quiet zombie time infront of screens after all the energy burn

Mine and 6 and 3 - we have much more relaxing time now that we have gave them more responsibility - and telling them that play time is for them to play with their toys or together. I see so many parents constantly 'entertaining' there kids - its not necessary - let them role play and use their imagination

Certainly easier when they're older (and only have one). When still pre-school it's harder. I also think some families may do "too much" when it comes to activities (well on MN anyway) as literally everyone is just rushing here and there it seems.

At 3 we couldn't have had PJ days. They started at around 6, and mainly thanks to longer attention span making TV a great entertainer. They don't get much screen time otherwise so that may be part of the attraction too, and we use all sorts of treats as bribery to keep things running smoothly. Even so one of mine is quite active (even now) and won't just sit still, but we have plenty of space and a trampoline for her to wear herself out on when we're at home, not to mention an archery target and a swing. So if she gets too much I send her outside, she does get a bit bored if no one goes with her though. If we have more than 1 PJ day on the trot, the bickering becomes nonstop with both of them - so it's a limited respite.

In general I agree that childcare is work, but now they are older we've managed to find a way to make it self manage for a day at time so long as we're at home.

Whether unstructured time with the kids is relaxing depends not only on the ages and personalities and combination of kids you have and on your own standards / expectations but also on where you live IMO.

If you have space (indoors and outdoors - doesn't have to belong to you but outdoor space without traffic etc) and other kids around whom your kids play with it is approximately 9 million times easier to enjoy relaxed family time.

If you allow screens it is easier.

If you happen to have a combination of kids who get on and play together it is easier.

If the youngest is 5+ it easier.

If you have boys who can pee behind a tree instead of insisting on turning around and going home to the toilet when in a walk through woods miles from anyone it is easier

It depends on so many things - if it's relaxing for others and not for you it's probably because something about their circumstances is different.

Generally though once the youngest is 5 it can be relaxing.

I second/ third caravan holidays - I'd rather stay at home than go on the kind of package family holiday that has everyone sleeping in one hotel room but we've had great success with eurocamp type mobile home holidays on sites with multiple pools and lots of kids to play with in the mornings and evenings.

It's pretty relaxing I'm my house ATM but youngest is 5. Doing nothing and relaxing is now fairly easy - but try to make any kind off official/ formal/ serious phone call and all hell will immediately break loose! I tried to return a call this afternoon when all the kids were settled, and as soon as I dialed the 9 year old cut his hand on his fountain pen! How is that even possible?

Hang in there op it gets easier xx

Mine are 7 and 8 and i'd say in the last 6 months they've started to become more independent from me. On a weekend they'll now help themselves to a drink and snack and don't come in to us till 8am. During the day at weekend they'll play out together for a good while or are now able to play board games properly for a good bit while me and dh just watch a tv programme or read - even been known to grab a bath in peace on a sunday afternoon if we're in. They'll watch a film with us without constantly getting up/fighting or chatting the whole way through it too.
Don't get me wrong, they still need adult input on what to do sometimes and intervention if they argue or fight but thats getting rarer and rarer and they will happily go and play in different rooms for a while if i say they need time out from each other. xx

It does get better.

I have 8 year old twins and a five year old, it's only really in the last year that we've been able to do 'family' things that aren't hugely stressful and that are suitable for all.

When mine were little I used to walk to the supermarket with them on a Saturday morning. We took the scenic route so it took about 3 hours all in. We stopped to look at things on the way and I always took drinks with us. We used to buy samosas from the deli counter to munch on the way home.

So, Saturday afternoons were always a relaxing time. Quite often we'd push the 2 sofas together like a big bed, bring duvets down and watch a film together. They wouldn't have been able to do it without the long walk in the morning.

I miss those Saturdays...

We are both full-time working and commuting and we both travel, me less but DH rather often. We like having some family time when all of us are together, even the two cats. It can be as simple as sitting on a sofa, eating popcorn and watching a movie or go for a long walk in a park. We treasure those times and find them relaxing. Equally we also give time for each other's hobbies.

thanks everyone for all your replies- so fascinating to read. Yes- exercise definitely improves things here- if we don't get out of the house by 10am on a weekend then everything falls apart completely. Keeping active definitely makes things easier but obviously isn't as relaxing. We are getting glimpses (very very tiny glimpses) of a more relaxing life and it's certainly easier than it was a year ago, but still, it feels like constant effort to think of things to do to keep the chaos etc at bay,

I'm amazingly impressed by PP who did the long walk to supermarket with young kids, and got kids to eat samosas on the way back, all as a leisure activity. With mine that would be a living nightmare! hats off to you!

I think you will see a massive improvement in 'relaxing' in about 2 years. Mine are 8 and nearly 5, weekends have improved a lot.

We have reclaimed our weekends from being 100% entertaining/amusing/managing the kids when they were small to more 50/50 they will now help with jobs or we can run errands together etc.

We have no family nearby so DH and I sometimes take turns doing stuff so the other gets a break.

Mine are both in double figures and we've yet to experience relaxing family time. They do have sn, though.

I take the eldest out on the bus and out walking on Saturdays, but bus services are rubbish on Sundays and he refuses to use them, so they spend the day winding each other up, even if we do manage to go out somewhere.

Whispers (I break out the tablets/ipads)

Hahaha following this with interest. I have a just 2 year old and an 8 month old and I can't imagine "relaxing" ever again (unless they are asleep)!

Oh my God, did someone say they found taking young kids to a supermarket RELAXING??

sunbeam yes! and not only that, but a 'scenic' long walk there and back with young kids taking 3 hours! I am definitely doing something wrong!

Ha! In my defence, the walk was along the promenade and there was a little play park. We didn't go for a weekly shop, I used to (and still do) shop daily for food. It was a smallish Sainsbury's, in the old style (my two are now 16 & 18).

We all loved those Saturday walks. DH works weekends, so we had time to fill. It also meant we could cuddle up in the afternoon... which was the actual point of my post. Tired children who have had lots of fresh air and weather (NW seaside town!) are grateful for the opportunity to lie under a duvet and watch a film with their mum and the cat .

shockers aw- when you put it like that it does sound lovely. I was picturing you wrestling a couple of toddlers down the side of an A road for 3 hours to an out of town superstore :-) Still can't imagine mine doing it without a LOT of whining though- but then we don't live near a lovely blustery promenade!

Ah, got it now, Shockers! I hear you

Hang in there it does get easier. My 14 yr old wakes up late. 12 yrs old wakes up and reads. Much more relaxing start to a day off. However be careful what u wish for. You can no longer just go out. They have opinions on what you are doing and where u are going which invariably involves the word boring.