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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not get it when people talk about 'relaxing family time'

149 replies

deliverdaniel · 05/02/2017 19:36

I've seen lots of threads on here where people talk about relaxing family weekends, or various where people have suggested that the OP just 'relax' at home when (usually) her partner is out pursuing a hobby or similar.

Do these people have much older children than ours? Am I doing something wrong? Family life with young kids can be many lovely things- joyous/ fulfilling/ rewarding but IME almost never 'relaxing.' We have 2 active DS's aged 6 and 3. Looking after them is fun but almost constant hard work. They need very careful supervision not to break anything/ hurt themselves/ start fighting etc. they constantly need help with things. they want to play boring, repetitive games with us. We encourage them to be self sufficient and the older one can play on his own for a while (esp w legos) but even then it isn't particularly relaxing as we are constantly looking out for the younger one and often to maek sure he doesn't break his brother's lego creations etc. Occasionally we resort to TV and now sometimes films although the younger one won't concentrate for long, adn putting on kids tv doesn't really count as a relaxing family activity for us. We are usually exhausted.

Don't get me wrong- we adore our kids, have some great days out and times with them. But it's certainly not relaxing. What does the 'relaxing' that everyone else seems to be doing with their young kids consist of?

Genuine question?

OP posts:
Original poster
deliverdaniel · 05/02/2017 20:43

FritzDonovan it was actually your thread that inspired me to start this one. I couldn't believe some of the awful unsympathetic responses you were getting! Genuinely stayed awake last night thinking/ wondering about it. Hope things are getting easier for you.

OP posts:
RainbowBriteRules · 05/02/2017 20:45

I have posted on here before about finding weekends stressful and got absolutely slated too, in fact I was wary of posting on this one.

Original poster
deliverdaniel · 05/02/2017 20:48

RainbowBriteRules I'm sorry to hear that. So odd. DH and I talk about monday being the new Friday when you have kids. most of our friends in RL seem to have similar struggles- though we don't always acknowledge it. Would genuinely like some of the people who find it relaxing to come and give tips!

OP posts:
missymayhemsmum · 05/02/2017 20:51

Relaxing with the kids =doing something with the kids that isn't run by the clock (as per weekdays) and isn't housework.
Eg stories, park, swim trip, walk, making things, covering the house in crayon and lego.

Not relaxing as a pre-child adult would think of it

RainbowBriteRules · 05/02/2017 20:53

I was told I over stimulated them, perhaps people are right but like a PP said, mine just are not the type to have pyjama days. They seem to have so much energy.

In RL the only people I know who finds weekends relaxing with DC have older children. The exception is my childminder who finds it easy to manage loads of DC and is generally awesome anyway Smile.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 05/02/2017 20:55

Xpost, missy yes, I have had to sort of accept that now. Relaxing has to take on a different meaning. But swimming, relaxing???!! What on earth am I missing because swimming with a three year old is anything but! Maybe I am just miserable Grin.

honeylulu · 05/02/2017 20:55

I also don't understand people who won't meet up with friends at the weekends as its "family time". We love seeing our friends (the kids too), it keeps us all sane. We'd be biting each other's heads off holed up together! I love them inordinately but, what's the saying - "familiarity breeds contempt"?

ishallconquerthat · 05/02/2017 20:56

I have a 6yo and a 4yo. It can be relaxing if I park them in front of the computer and the mobile and let them play games and watch youtube without supervision (and DS2 watches the worst videos, horrible children, ridiculous families, etc). It is not exactly the "right" thing to do though.

Some people may have calmer children, other people may just be leaving them glued to screens because it's easy. We don't know what people do.

And OP, I went on a week away to Stockholm with my 2 last year and it was lovely - and very stressful at the same time. Family holidays are a good thing in this family, but NOT relaxing.

busyboysmum · 05/02/2017 20:59

We got a caravan when our oldest was 4 and middle one was 1. It was because they had so much energy the best place to take them was the great outdoors to run around. Sometimes they'd wake so early and were being so bonkers that we'd have to load them in the car and go for a drive at 7am so as not to disturb other people in the campsite! We used to say the quietest times were when they were strapped into their car seats.

We still all go caravanning together and love it. It's good to go.with other families then the kids all play together and the parents get some well deserved grown up time.

wrinkleseverywhere · 05/02/2017 21:12

I have good news, OP. DD is 7.3 & DS is 4.8 and, for about 6 months, we have had some relaxing times as a family. You still need to be on your toes. As soon as you start doing something which you need to get on with uninterrupted, it is guaranteed that one of them will inadvertently try and kill themself or their sibling but I can get on with normal chores (putting the supermarket shopping away for example) without worrying what they are up to. They've also got to an age where they can play proper games like Pass the Pigs or Frustration and I actually enjoy playing with them.
I think it might help that the DC are at the childminder for an hour before school and three hours after school four days a week so home & their own toys actually have a bit of a novelty factor for them.
We have yet to have a relaxing family meal! Meal times are a constant stream of reminders about eating vegetables, manners, sitting on their chair etc. I hate mealtimes!

MotherofA · 05/02/2017 21:26

Nothing relaxing here . Two SC and I'm not really allowed to parent / discipline them . Weekends are hard .... Do relax if I ever get one one one time with DD9, this is rare as whenever I try to take time with her it gets rail roaded Hmm

JustDanceAddict · 05/02/2017 21:29

When they're teens and not in for most of the weekend it's relaxing!

megletthesecond · 05/02/2017 21:32

No relaxing here. They're 10 & 8. I'm constantly refereeing. We don't even get through a film without a fight breaking out.

MooMooTheFirst · 05/02/2017 21:34

We are on a family mini break - DP, me and 8 month old DS. The idea was to relax before I go back to work from ML.

There has been no relaxing.

There has been tears (from me) and no sleep for anyone.

I also see friends and their Instagram posts about lazy Sundays in their pjs with their dc, a fair few with dc just over one so not her much older than DS. If I tried to sit and watch one, let alone multiple films with DS he would be Very Cross. He's not a difficult baby he just likes to Do stuff, which again is lovely because he's so alert and interested... but is not relaxing.

I sometimes wish I had a sit-in-pyjamas-and-watch-films kind of baby

Huldra · 05/02/2017 21:52

When mine were 3 and 6 it was more relaxing than when they were 1 and 3 Grin but hardly chilled out bliss. I was not the type to constantly organise activities or micro manage them but PJ days were not a thing that would be enjoyed. I used to joke with my husband that it was nice when they were a little ill and would floopily watch tv. They were definitely the kind of kids that needed to be walked occasionally.

They're both teenagers now and often sleep until 12 at the weekends.

SheepyFun · 05/02/2017 21:54

We have one DD (4). She's at nursery 3 long mornings a week, but most of the rest of the time she's just with me (though I work 1 day, when DH cares for her). The difference at the weekend is that both DH and I are around, so she doesn't need as much of my attention, as at least some of the time she wants to be playing with DH. Having said that, both of us would say we go to work for a rest.

Sunbeam18 · 05/02/2017 22:02

I also didn't 'get' the whole thing about maternity leave being a doss where you could just watch box sets in a spotless house as you had soooo much free time. I had zero time to myself, spent a lot of time crying with exhaustion and had to employ a cleaner (then cried as had no time to tidy up in preparation for the cleaning).

Huldra · 05/02/2017 22:02

busyboy we used to go camping frequently for the same reason. We could sit outside and have coffee or wine and they would potter about collecting rocks, or whatever it was they were doing. Even trekking to the toilets, shop to buy bread, or to wash up kept them busy.

We used to get sympathy from relatives about it not being a proper holiday but it was a hell of a lot easier than a hotel and sitting in restaurants for 3 meals a day.

busyboysmum · 05/02/2017 22:31

Yes, worst holiday I ever had was when my mum and I decided to take the boys aged 2 and 5 to Majorca to stay in a hotel. I broke my toe on the beach on the first day, it was ridiculously hot, they would not eat at the times the hotel wanted them to, they would not sleep in the beds at night as it was too hot, there was nowhere to take them that was shady, did I mention it was ridiculously hot? Bloody nightmare.....

We all love it there now and are booked for this August where the 3 of them will snorkel all day if given the chance. We still don't stay in hotels though - we learned our lesson there. We have a villa with a shared pool and self cater.

LittleLionMansMummy · 05/02/2017 22:56

We had just got to the stage where we were able to relax with 6yo ds. Now we also.have a 10 week old. We've kissed goodbye to relaxing for another 6 years or so. I won't lie, there have been many times recently when we've both asked 'why are we doing this again?'

menditdearhenry · 06/02/2017 07:18

I think it depends on how you define 'relaxing', the temperament of your DC and how many DC you have. We only have one DD and before she was born our idea of a relaxing Saturday was a little lie in, potter around the house/garden in the morning, out somewhere yummy for lunch, possibly followed by a nap, more pottering round or a nice walk in the afternoon, takeaway or 'easy' supper, watch a movie in front of the fire in the evening. DD is 2.3 and this is still generally how we spend our Saturdays. We take it in turns to have a lie in, and she's always been good at amusing herself while we potter (of course we'll sit and play/read with her too!). DH and I will often have a rest while DD is napping. When DD was very young weekends still looked like this but with lots of feeding, and a lot less sleep for me! We also do days out (more when it's warmer tbh) and they're fun but sometimes slightly less relaxing depending on the presence of open water/busy roads/other hazards. I've no doubt this will change if we're lucky enough to have another DC, and weekends will be less relaxing for a while!

nomorehamplease · 06/02/2017 11:00

We have three boys aged 5,3 and 1. Thinking about another. It will be about 2025 before I get to relax again I think.

hyperspacebug · 06/02/2017 11:02

3-4 years are difficult age - you can't attribute bad things to poor young children but if I am too honest, my middle child is the one ruining all family outings, with all the dynamics the way they are - bickering, 7 year not mature enough to handle very annoying little brother, both very picky eaters and eating out can be very joyless, I have also a toddler on me

For now I also think we are going to need different holiday than last time being cooped up in one hotel room trying to get everyone to sleep and trying to get three children to behave through 3 meals a day in public...

the loveliest time was just us sitting on beach all day in Cornwall, even if it meant occasionally dragging the feral boys back from straying for miles

tootsietoo · 06/02/2017 11:11

YANBU. Mine are 9 and 10 now and it is just becoming possible for us all to sit down together and do what is my version of relaxing! DD1 has had nose stuck in Harry Potter for months now and they are both addicted to Zoella and bloody Alfie Daze (sp?) on youtube, so that is how we get relaxing peace and quiet time. They also love baking, and they are old enough now for me to completely leave them to it (although there is a fair bit of clearing up at the end). I have fantasies about them having Enid Blyton style adventures for hours making dens up the fields, but they would never go and do that.

But at 3 and 6 you definitely don't get relaxation time! And I do think that after 10 years of never ever getting to sit down much, you become used to the constant activity and it's quite hard to stop once they stop bothering you all the time! I get a bit twitchy now if I do have to sit down "relaxing" for long!

Yura · 06/02/2017 12:16

For us, there is exactly one way of getting relaxing family time: adventure playground. We go no matter what the weather (I've been there for hours in the pouring rain), and invested in full rainproof gear for everybody. The other alternative is a paddling pool with slides etc. In the summer.
People look at me as if I'm crazy if I tell them we've been out for hours in the rain, but I need my time to relax, and that's the only way to get it. Desperate situations lead to unconventional solutions...