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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what to do when kids too sick for nursery/school

63 replies

awaywiththelairys · 05/02/2017 18:39

DH and I work FT. DS has been at nursery FT sincce I returned to work when he was 8 months. This weekend he's been vomiting and is feverish AGAIN and doesn't seem he will be well enough for nursery tomorrow. It will be the 4th time in 4 months, and again I am the one who has to take time off to look after him (DH 'can't possibly'). I'm not looking forward to the conversation I'll have to have with my boss tomorrow as I'm sure the impression is that I'm taking the mick.

How does anyone have young kids and manage to keep their job???

OP posts:

babyblabber · 05/02/2017 18:40

Surely you can tell your DH that you "can't possibly" take more time off and it's his turn?!!

Bettyspants · 05/02/2017 18:42

DH and I also work full time with studying on top, we both take it in turns having time off for sick children . I can't see your boss taking it very well if the sickness duties are not being shared . What makes DH job more important?

jimijack · 05/02/2017 18:43

We take it in turns, it's his kid too after all.
I also occasionally ask my mum to help out, I prefer it to be me or dh though.

It's difficult, then come school holidays, half day closures to juggle. These bring a whole new raft of problems in addition to illnesses.
Sigh.

smilingsarahb · 05/02/2017 18:44

My DH and I strictly alternated taking unpaid leave for sick days for a good 5 years. Now his job is more flexible than mine so he takes it (despite earning masses more than me)

JennyOnAPlate · 05/02/2017 18:44

Yy you tell your dh that you can't possibly miss work again and it's his turn!

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 05/02/2017 18:44

It's bloody hard. It's been constant sickness since the DCs started nursery too. A mixture of family leave and annual leave usually. Me and DH earn similar so take it in turns.

harderandharder2breathe · 05/02/2017 18:44

Your DH needs to grow up and step up and take the day off

Creatureofthenight · 05/02/2017 18:45

It shouldn't always fall to the same person, unless one of you has a job where if you don't turn up you don't get paid.

PetalMettle · 05/02/2017 18:45

I get my mil to look after him now. When I've taken time off previously I've always offered to take it as annual leave and also tried to work remotely
Your husband needs to step up though

early30smum · 05/02/2017 18:47

Really feel for you. We have had this problem and DH oh so kindly used the line 'well I earn more than you so it should be you.' that's a whole other thread

It is hard when you have kids and they get sick. We ended up joining an agency that provided emergency nannies for this eventuality. As soon as we started paying a monthly fee, the kids stopped getting sick! Think we only used it once and I HATED doing it (even though the girl was lovely!) but it might be worth looking into?

worriedmum100 · 05/02/2017 18:53

Your DH needs to do his share. We have had endless illness since DC2 went to nursery last September. If we get the call that DC2 needs collecting or we know he can't go to nursery the next day me and DP discuss it, talk through who has what meeting, any deadlines, what can and cant be re-arranged etc and come to an agreement about who will cover it.

He's more senior than me but that in and of itself doesn't mean it's less likely to be him. He may have more meetings than me but his seniority also means that it's sometimes easier for him to re-arrange. It helps that we are both able to work from home too.

But bottom line is his job is not more important than yours. He needs to take his fair share of the sick days.

Crunchymum · 05/02/2017 18:54

We work around each other.

DP is self employed and sometimes he simply cannot take time off (just started a new contract for a new client or on a deadline for example) whereas I work part time and can jig my days around as long as it's not month end.

We see where we're at and make a decision based on that. Helps that dc1 seems to get his illnesses over the weekends / holidays bless him.

Doglikeafox · 05/02/2017 18:54

I often wonder this. I'm a childminder and had to send a child home on Tuesday with sickness and diarrhoea... AGAIN. She has been ill every few weeks since the weather got colder about October time. Usually only a cold with a high temp but she gets terribly unset when unwell and just can't keep up with the hustle and bustle of my setting. Mum is super understanding and said she has always been a sickly child, but I still really feel for her and the amount of work she is having to take off at the moment

ShoeJunkie · 05/02/2017 18:57

We have an honest conversation about who's day is more 'cancelable'. I only work 3 days a week and so far have mostly been lucky that sick days have fallen on my non working days.

SecondsLeft · 05/02/2017 18:57

Tell DH you cover monday, I'll do tuesday.

megletthesecond · 05/02/2017 18:58

Your DH has to do it this time.

I'm a lp and had my mum to help when they were younger. Occasionally I'd take unpaid or annual leave.

iMatter · 05/02/2017 18:58

If he's been vomiting over the weekend please please don't send him to nursery tomorrow, no matter how desperate you are. The 48 hour rule is there for a reason.

Your dh needs to do his fair share otherwise there's every chance you'll lose your job.

happypoobum · 05/02/2017 19:01

Yes, most parents in this situation have to take it in turns to take the unpaid leave.

When my XH tried this bullshit I told him I would give up my job, which would mean selling our house etc but if he really couldn't take any time off then so be it, but I couldn't take any more time off.

Funnily enough he magically managed to take a day off, very grudgingly. Notice I say "ex husband"

Blankiefan · 05/02/2017 19:10

You've got to take turns - and make sure your boss hear about this "I won't be in today but will definitely be in tomorrow as its DH's turn". If you're always the one taking time, your boss will rightly be pissed off.

sjd84 · 05/02/2017 19:16

We always take it in turns, although I end up taking slightly more as I get paid family leave, whereas DH has to take unpaid leave.

eurochick · 05/02/2017 19:21

This sort of nonsense is exactly why women don't progress as well in their careers post children. Your husband needs to take turns with you.

2ndSopranos · 05/02/2017 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 05/02/2017 19:29

You dh can. He just won't.

What a dick.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 05/02/2017 19:30

We manage it by sharing it out between both parents.

adagio · 05/02/2017 19:32

What everyone else said. Take in turns, review who has what meetings etc.
Also try and get hold of emergency nanny type fall back - so keep in touch with nursery nurses if they leave (e.g. stalk on Facebook) and ask if they would consider the odd day cover, as many of the young ones seem to quit to go to be a nanny or retrain / college so may be free on the long college holidays etc.

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