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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what to do when kids too sick for nursery/school

63 replies

awaywiththelairys · 05/02/2017 18:39

DH and I work FT. DS has been at nursery FT sincce I returned to work when he was 8 months. This weekend he's been vomiting and is feverish AGAIN and doesn't seem he will be well enough for nursery tomorrow. It will be the 4th time in 4 months, and again I am the one who has to take time off to look after him (DH 'can't possibly'). I'm not looking forward to the conversation I'll have to have with my boss tomorrow as I'm sure the impression is that I'm taking the mick.

How does anyone have young kids and manage to keep their job???

OP posts:

BingoBingoBingoBango · 05/02/2017 19:33

Well obviously your DH needs to start taking time off, it's very unfair that it's all put on to you. Why does he see his work as more import?

gandalf456 · 05/02/2017 19:33

My Dh would be like this so it's a reason why I'm part time. If I did work full time I'd threaten to pack it in if my work werelated so unimportant

Jackiebrambles · 05/02/2017 19:33

Oh it's so hard. But you have to share, you just have to! Since Jan we've had 2 bouts of chicken pox (2 kids), a bumped head so a&e trip and a high temp/ bad cold to manage. And that's just fucking one month!

I've taken a bit of holiday, so has Dh. We have also both worked from home and into the evening to make up hours. Also my parents (retired) were able to drop everything and help us for a couple of days which I am eternally grateful for!

But yes your boss needs to know your Dh is doing his share.

PervyMuskrat · 05/02/2017 19:37

We go by whose diary is easiest to rearrange. I can't take time off at certain times so DH has to but then he travels abroad more than me so in those times, I deal with it. Works out generally ok but means saving holiday days for sick leave.

catwoman0815 · 05/02/2017 19:41

annual leave (take turns with DP) and when that runs out (yes it did happen to me) unpaid parental leave. Work got really shitty with me at some point but luckily things improved bug wise after the first year in nursery.

kiwiandspoon · 05/02/2017 19:43

I work from home, self-employed, and have chosen what I do specifically because it fits around 3 kids sickness, half-terms and holidays, and INSET days... it took a long time to work out what I could do, but now I've got it established it's the best of both worlds, but a compromise of everything... I've had one off sick since Wed, and they won't be in for another few days, and though it's tough juggling it, I'm glad she can be poorly on the sofa next to me without me having to cancel clients or annoy an employer.

Writerwannabe83 · 05/02/2017 19:49

My DH is a teacher and I'm a nurse so if either of us have to call in sick it causes problems but like everyone else has said, we take it in turns.

BingoBingoBingoBango · 05/02/2017 19:50

Can't possibly just means won't.

oblada · 05/02/2017 19:57

Like everyone says you have to share! DH tends to take the day off more often as he can get paid dependent's leave (and also can do a bit of work at home and currently I can't) and I don't (but can negotiate to use holidays at times) but otherwise it's done to who has what going on etc.

Original poster

awaywiththelairys · 05/02/2017 20:19

Just catching up with thread after cleaning up yet more vomit and getting an overtired and feverish DS to sleep

Some helpful advice, thanks. Will look into our options.

In terms of sharing time, he doesn't think he should be the one to do it 'just yet.' His reasoning is that he just started this job after leaving an exceptionally stressful situation (bullying culture) in his previous job, while I am established in my job (ignoring the recent maternity leave) which is more flexible anyway. While on the face of it, these things are true, I honestly can't see how I can maintain my position if I'm never there! There is a limit to how much I can get done from home (not very much with a sick DS) and I do need to show my face/meet clients.

OP posts:

Original poster

awaywiththelairys · 05/02/2017 20:24

To be honest, I was ok bearing the brunt of it when he was in the last job - it WAS a very stressful situation and he was walking a tightrope everyday trying to keep his job. But now he has a new job Im a bit disappointed that he's not pulling his weight.

OP posts:

SocksRock · 05/02/2017 20:29

He's being a dick. We do stricutly share the sick days, I only work 3 days a week therefore my hours at work need to be as productive as possible, and missing one day is a massive chunk out of my week. He is much more senior and earns more, but is fully on board with the fact that they are his children as well. He needs to do tomorrow.

Ameliablue · 05/02/2017 20:35

If he has a new job then it probably is quite difficult to ask for time off, but ultimately he will have to.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 05/02/2017 20:35

Sounds like he is making excuses. I'm sure his new employer would get that he is a parent and this sort of thing is going to happen.

iMatter · 05/02/2017 20:39

Perhaps you could pay the emergency nanny in turns?

dimdommilpot · 05/02/2017 20:41

We take it in turns to have time off with the kids. Occasionally he will be working away so it would fall on me regardless but he also has the option to work from home whereas I dont.

TheOnlyColditz · 05/02/2017 20:44

I would be up and out of the house for 6 am, and switch my phone off until 10. What would he do if you were in hospital? Cos that's what he should do now. You cannot always be available, you BOTH have a job. His is not magically more important

Wolfiefan · 05/02/2017 20:44

Just yet? So what he will help when your child is a teen?
We take it in turns. Generally we discuss whose day has the most going on. I was a teacher so if I had lots of exam classes I would hate to miss them. DH is a consultant. If he had an important client meeting he wouldn't want to miss that.

Bitlost · 05/02/2017 20:46

DH should do his share.

Other options: grand parents? Emergency childcare provider? Work from home (depending on what your job is)?

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2017 20:48

My job is part-time and very flexible so usually I'll swap things round so I stay home. But sometimes that is not possible in which case dh has to take time off (even though he's got the big, important job) - he recently had to cover 3 days as I had a big deadline. If it's a sickness that goes on days, or on the rare occasions that neither of us can take the day off, grandparents/aunts have been drafted in.

It's really tough, esp in the early years when they get everything going. He needs to step up.

Oysterbabe · 05/02/2017 20:52

DH does most of it here because he can work from home and I'd have to take unpaid leave. I have taken some unpaid leave when DD has needed the whole week off because DH can't work from home every day.
So basically we split it between us in the best way considering the financial aspect and the not pissing off our bosses too much aspect. He should definitely be sharing the load.

Spring is round the corner so hopefully some of these fucking viruses will bugger off.

Madamfrog · 05/02/2017 21:11

Don't you have 'sick-children days' in the UK? We have a set number of days per year where if a child is ill and needs a parent to stay at home with it, you are allowed to stay at home and don't lose salary. Obviously you have to justify it with a form filled out by your doctor.

honeylulu · 05/02/2017 21:18

We have always taken turns. We have no family to help. On the odd occasion we both HAD to be in work we have had emergency nanny (paid for from joint account). It's hard. Don't let your HTC minimise your job.

honeylulu · 05/02/2017 21:19

H not HTC!!!

OllyBJolly · 05/02/2017 21:22

I was a single parent so no DH. No family within 200 miles. Two children and worked FT. I had a childminder who was more flexible than nursery. I also think because it was a home environment DCs picked up fewer bugs. I did rely on friends - more when I had to travel rather than to cover illness.

Very unfamily-friendly employer!

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