To be shm after children are at school

[Notthinkingclearly]

I have 2 dc who are 6 and 9. Since my first child was born i have been a stay at home mum. My DH works away alot abroad so I am often on my own. My Dc's have not been the most robust and have both had quite a few weeks off school with legitimate reasons over the last few years with hospital appointments. I have felt that if I had been at work I would have been a rubbish employee. I seem to be really busy all the time but feel I am constantly justifying to everyone why I don't have a job. I look after a relations 2 year old one day a week, help in school one day a week and I am a member of the schools PTA. I don't go out apart from supermarket or a walk during the week and only ever sit down to eat my lunch during the day. Am I as spoilt and lazy as I am made to feel?

Didn't say I was sceptical - didn't outright say you were lying, like you did to me. I just don't believe you. And yes, yoga and gossiping does take up a lot of time. Some academics would say that gossip is just another way of saying 'women's informal communication' that has kept communities alive for years. Yoga obviously required so we don't punch the superior fuckers who work full time and yet still take credit for everything.

Well, you seem to be busy enough and the school day is not that long. It soon goes and you've got the holidays to cover. You could get a school job if you could but they are not that easy to get (everyone wants the convenience) and, as you say, you're not available every day of the week so you could only be part time 2-3 days anyway and it would not be worth the hassle when you think about w-hat you would earn.

Do you want to go back to work or do you just feel a bit judged by others? That is the question.

So you assumed that PTAs are run purely by SAHP and I said that wasn't true and you call me a fucker? Nice.

As I said,Our PTA has mixed mode meetings,evenings,weekends.some day stuff

Why don't you believe I run the PTA?

I didn't call you a fucker. Neither did I assume PTAs are run purely by SAHPs. I do think the likelihood is that most PTA activity is done by SAHPs - which is of course to be expected.

Anyway why on earth are you getting so irate at NOT being called a fucker when you insinuated I exclusively do yoga and gossiping all day? Nice yourself.

I find the argument of who does what task when and where interesting.
Do people really define themselves by what they do?
How many chores, jobs tasks they undertake. How many they do whilst working, which are more tasks.

I'd rather just be a lazy mother fucker who can manage to identify in many ways other than domesticity or working for a living.

None of the PTA parents at my school are unemployed, they all work so meetings are times to suit and events shared. Likewise all of the reader volunteers work and do times around that.

Are you on glue, Wifework?

Firstly you said that there is fun and childcare provided by the PTA after you'd had a rant about WOHP not doing what SAHP do. If you didn't mean that SAHP do all the PTA volunteering then I really don't know what you meant. Otherwise you would have said "isn't it great that both WOHP and SAHP give up their time for the PTA"

Secondly you referred to the fuckers who take credit for everything- I assume you meant WOHP who are also on the PTA. Who else on this thread fulfills those criteria?

Thirdly, given that there are plenty of SAHP on here who spend their time having coffees with friends and doing exercise, I can't see that it's insulting to say that you do yoga and gossip. Slightly less offensive than referring to volunteers who give up their sparse free time to provide fun and childcare to other people's kids as fuckers.

" Do people really define themselves by what they do?"
Oh shit. Here lies stealth. She drank diet coke and fannied about on mn. Oh and loving wife and mother etc.

"After school club can cost less than £10 a day, so even if breakfast club cost 10 too, you'd have to be earning way less than minimum wage not to be able to manage." Is this assuming everyone has only one child?

When I went back to my part time job after dc2 I had to drop a couple of hours because it just was not not worth it financially to work as much and pay child care. I work part time and it works for us.

I think some posters are quite jealous of those who are stay at home mums! I know I am.

Our PTA parents all work. The ones who come to committee meetings anyway. OUt of about the 10 who turn up all the time, 3 work full time, 5 part time and 2 of us are freelance.

It's also rather rude to class SAHMs who are at home through choice as "unemployed".

Stealth

Why does being a SAHM to school-aged children make other women's heads spin round with fury! Some families enjoy and have the choice of this set-up. We couldn't cope with the hassle of us both working. We have both settled into our jobs and get on with it no one feels hard done by we are happy. I may set up my own business soon but I have more than enough to fill my 5.5 hours each day.

Women who want to SAH and feel like they are doing something wrong and are made to feel worthless or stupid are being conned by propaganda to fuel modern capitalism. Don't be fooled. I am not picking up a crap job just to be 'working' I will spend the time with my DC.

I missed the bit above about after school care being £10 etc. I am

I had two DC in full time preschool. Average cost £1200 per month. When they started school it reduced to about £7000. I worked 9-5 with a commute of about half an hour at the time.

£7000 - are people really saying that's manageable on minimum wage? I know I was on a decent salary (too much for tax credits) and yet by the time you factored in my lower-than-average mortgage and commuting costs I was left with less than those on benefits!

Working costs money. If you're in a job rather than a career and you have to rely exclusively on paid-for care rather than family/friends, it can be prohibitive.

Stealth

It's better than some of the verbal (diarrhea) on here.
Did I spell that right, it looks wrong but had no wiggly red line.
I thought it had an "O" in there somewhere

I just think it's a sad indictment of our society when women are castigated for having the temerity to want to provide care for their own children.

Why can't we have a society where we each do what's best for our own families and in which the massive amount of unpaid-for labour provided by women is valued?

My god thisthread is depressing.Some of the attitudes on here are really shit. Quite why you think working makes you a superior human being I do not know. I am a (sortof) SAHM. My dh is self employed and we have our own company which I am employed by to do some of the paperwork (2-3 per week). I have my own small business and I am currently doing an MSc. I am also Chair of Governors forour primary school and volunteer on the PTA. I look after my DN 3 mornings per week before school and 1-2 afternoons (after school) for a few hours. I am very busy and certainly never have any problem passing the time of day. We have 4 dc, the youngest is still at preschool (15hrs) but when she goesfulltime next year I will not be going back to work.

It's not a grate of any sort,it's a factual statement.school starts 830, and end 4
And if one doesn't work,the hours of 830 -4pm are a swathe of available time

Erm my dc school starts at 09 00 and finishes at 3 15. We live rurally. If I were to get adecent job in my field of work I am looking at a commute of at least 30 minutes. So that gives me 5 hours per day.Not really that enticing for an employer.

My dc do a significant amount of after school activities whicheither require my presence orabilityto transport them. DH and I alsoeach play sport a couple of times per week. I could go back to work but then everyone would have to forgo a significantamount of their interests as it would be impossible to get people where they needed to be or feed them.

If Icould go back to work in a flexible job which paid enough to justify the added stress on our family and thesignificant expense of childcare for 4 dc then it would be something I would consider. However due to our location that is not likely to happen.

Mydh has been able to build our business which issomethinghe couldn't have done if I hadn't taken more of the responsibility for the house and the children. Or he could have done, he would just have had to pay the expense ofchildcare.

I would never judge a working parent and I had never expected to be judged as someone who chose to stay at home.

Pounding it increased when they left preschool?

Sorry about the spacing. My space bar seems to have jammed!

Oops - sorry, comparing monthly with annual, there. £1200pcm preschool, about £600pcm when in school.

Thedc, you're not a stay at home mum though, you are a work from home parent? You work two to three days a week in your family business and uou also run your own business which you work at.

I think the definition in this (rather bizzare ) thread of a stay at home mum is one who does no paid employment, not one who works from home and is employed or running a business.

WTF do SAHMs have to fill out a spreadsheet of daily activites to show WOH they are filling their time appropriately! I don't ask them how hard they work and are they having too many coffee breaks and just coasting along until hometime!

Bluntness
Sorry that should read 2-3 hours per week (and that is max). My business also does not contribute to our family finances -I am going to wind it down as ironically I don't have time to invest in building it up!

"You're not working 24-7.you have whole swathe of time when kids in school"

No, i'm not working 24/7 - of course not. i said i'm available 24/7 (unlike my husband).