To wonder if you're one of the older members of a large family you ever stop and think

[PlayOnWurtz]

No more kids please mum and dad!

How much were you expected to do to support them?

Eagerly awaits a barrage of responses from posters who both come from and had a large family...

I'm one of 7 and wish I could have the big family I planned to have (but can't because of physical problems). I have 3 lovely, exasperating children.

However, if DH and I had money issues then we would have stopped at 3 either way. My parents weren't well off at all but lived rurally so we had a wonderful childhood. That kind of lifestyle is harder to find here than in NZ.

Indeed elsbelz. There's simply no way it can be presumed that a parent speaking for their adult child's views on their decisions is doing so accurately. It isn't about not being entitled to an opionion. It's about the opinion not having any relevance to the subject at hand. If this were a thread asking about the views of the parents of 4+ families, and how good a parenting job they think they're doing, the opposite would be true.

Saw a frail elderly lady this morning. 7 children but only saw 2, hadn't seen the others for years. Thought of this thread.

Though I would think that larger families today do it out of conscious choice so a more positive experience for all, rather than contraceptive failure or societal / religious expectations.

God 4 is enough for me even with gaps. I know I couldn't give any more to other children.

I wonder if there's a difference between large families (I consider 5 plus a large family) where the children are spaced out over say a twenty year gap, and those where the mother has child after child year after year? Just wondering as I only have two myself.

I also cannot get my head round wanting a large family. Years and years and years of sleepless nights, weaning, reading books, arguments and Cbeebies. Dear god no.

My mil had 5 kids, they started at 17 and had dh the last at 25. Needless to say the older dd has different memories to my dh.

She said she had to help out a lot dh loved it. Mil and fil though lovely always minimised what they expected her to do. Mmmmm

Does anyone else get the shivers watching 'Baby Jake' my dgs loves it and all I see are 10 fucking kids and all the washing and cooking! They are also all quite challenged arbt they?

I have 4 because I am an only child and always wanted what I've given my children.

I have 4 because I am an only child and always wanted what I've given my children.

See, this is exactly what a lot of people on this thread are saying - parents giving their DC what THEY want rather than considering the feelings of the actual DC they have.*

• N.B. 4 DC is not what most people consider a large family so not necessarily applicable to this thread.

Privacy wasn't a problem for children more an issue for us parents. Children had their own space and were actively encouraged to use bathrooms in privacy. They chose to converge on our bathroom " because the lighting is better", "because you have nicer towels"(not true), "because I've run out of scent", "because your bath is bigger" (true). Never was it because they needed space. They still climb into bed in the morning (yes, partners and friends sometimes do likewise), still help themselves to our bathroom and assume we can get ready around them. Our family isn't particularly big on privacy in terms of bodies and all are comfortable with being naked in front of us/siblings. Privacy of communication is an absolute now they are adults - although they usually ask us to open any post that arrives.
I know their perspective is similar to ours - they discuss their wishes for large families quite openly. Only one doesn't but then she's only 18 so undecided about where she'll take her life. Our eldest has such fond memories of holidays spent in rivers and mountains she is dragging her partner to the Lakes to show him rather than going abroad at Easter. I tell her it will look different now she is adult but she is adamant.

Can't see that having four because you didn't enjoy being a singleton is any different to having a singleton because you hated being part of a large family.

I loved my childhood. I would've loved a brother or sister though. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents. I hope I have with my own children too. I guess it may be 'watered down' as I'm split 4 ways.

Oldest girl of five and swore never to have more than two. Parents couldn't cope at all, split up, eldest packed off to be horrendously treated in care, youngest two got dumped on me all the time, one had special needs and didn't get any support he needed, everyone ran wild (even to a limited and very rule compliant way me) and I can't really hack my siblings at all, even the youngest who I practically raised. As it happens, I have an accidental third, and I really really feel like I am at the outside limits of what I personally can cope with in terms of individual attention and emotional support.

And we were really poor. Maybe it would have been easier if there had been more outsourcing.

They still climb into bed in the morning (yes, partners and friends sometimes do likewise)

Your children's partners and friends get into bed with you?

Is crumbs the fantasist on the master bedroom thread? Kinda hard to take him or her seriously when they pretend they live in a hotel 😎

Oh yes Magz I forgot about that, if my partner's parents fantasized owned a house that was very similar to a hotel then I might be tempted to climb into bed with them too

....and how old are they? Use of the word "scent" has my spidey sense tingling 😁

Just trying to picture any scenario in which Dh and I climb into my parents bed. Nope can't do it.

Magzmarsh

"Is crumbs the fantasist on the master bedroom thread? Kinda hard to take him or her seriously when they pretend they live in a hotel 😎"

Yes indeed she is. Brass neck time. The hotel bedroom pic was inspired...

"quarkinstockcubes

They still climb into bed in the morning (yes, partners and friends sometimes do likewise)

Your children's partners and friends get into bed with you? hmm"

indeed! Wow. Think they are really cool about wandering around starkers in front of everyone too.

Haha thanks Cara. Think they've over egged it a tad 😊

One of the eldest of six.

And I fucking hated it.

My fm would tell you what a wonderful childhood we all had, big happy family.

It was suffocating.

Every baby pretty much felt like she was trading us older ones in for a new shiny one.

Way more responsibility and a hell of a lot less attention than my peers got.

I have two. I'm sorry if this offends anyone in a large family but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy (for the older children, the middle/younger don't get it so bad as they don't know any different)

Can't see that having four because you didn't enjoy being a singleton is any different to having a singleton because you hated being part of a large family.

Absolutely, I would argue though, as an only, that at least if my kids want to ignore their sibling(s) at any point that option is available to them. I can't decide to just get myself a brother/sister though. Options are good, and not having a sibling does limit the choice somewhat.

I am the eldest of four and am intensely grateful to my parents for providing me with three siblings, whom I adore. I couldn't imagine life without any of them.
That said, I could see that it was really hard on my parents when we were growing up. No time, no money, no sleep. I was never expected to babysit, so I didn't resent anything about my upbringing, but my Mum stayed home with us for nine years, and I don't know how she coped. I will not be having more that two children, because I just don't think I have it in me to be as selfless as my parents.