To wonder if you're one of the older members of a large family you ever stop and think

[PlayOnWurtz]

No more kids please mum and dad!

How much were you expected to do to support them?

Same here, the only people I know from a large family have sworn never to have more than 2! Lack of attention and babysitting younger siblings sounds dire.

It does sound dire. But it doesn't have to happen. Like I said, my 17 year old asks to babysit but I never really go anywhere where I need him to. He does the school run on the odd Thursday if I'm working and dh is doing his martial art and he gets a fiver for the five minute walk. He isn't complaining and when he has things to do like studying or seeing friends he doesn't do it and it's never an issue.

They get more than enough attention.

Of course there are downsides to having a large family, like there probably is for any family size but there are loads of positives as well and we don't all expect the older siblings to look after the younger ones. I had five children, me and dh look after them. It's not anyone else's job but ours.

I'm one of four and only have one child myself. I do not speak to any of my siblings

Yes, I truly hated it as did friends who had large families. None of them has had more than two children so as not to inflict the same misery on them.

There's never enough space, privacy, time or money. Activities were rare as nobody to take to or from or the money for them. Housework and babysitting overtook homework so education wasn't seen as important. No social life for the older ones as it meant they couldn't be cleaning or taking care of the younger ones.

I've worked hard to ensure that mine have a true childhood, like children should have. They have years as an adult to do childcare and housework.

In one branch of my family there are eight siblings. They are in their 50s and 60s now. One has recently died, two are legally troubled, another is estranged from the family.

Three chose not to have DCs, none of the others had more than three.

I've worked hard to ensure that mine have a true childhood, like children should have. They have years as an adult to do childcare and housework.

Me too. Mine are having a true childhood.

I'm sorry some of you had negative experiences of growing up in big families. Please don't assume that we are all the same though.

Gwenhwyfar, think PP means those are how many kids each of her friend's siblings have. Friend is one of 6, 2 of the 6 have 2 kids, 2 have 1 kid, 2 have none.

"Very good friend is one of 6, they are at 3,3,1,1,0,0"

I'm only 1 of 2 but I distinctly remember thanking my mum for not having a 3rd.

Small house and 1 annoying little brother was more than enough. If I'd had a sister to keep copying me and taking my things and/or even less time and space I cannot imagine I'd be anything other than less happy.

I love my brother and we get on well but aren't really close. I don't feel I'm missing out with less siblings. To me there are less people to complicate the family dynamic.

I don't think the amount of siblings is always the issue. I am the eldest of 3 and from the age of 14 I was responsible for babysitting, school runs and making tea etc right up to when I left home at 20. In fact that was the primary reason I left home as I got so fucked off with the expectations put upon me. It got to a point where my friends stopped asking me to come out on a Sunday night as they knew that was the night I was expected to babysit.

I have 2 DS, that said I would have had more but would never put such responsibility on DS1 (who is 5 years older than DS2). I am acutely aware that he needs his space. DCs are our responsibility.

I have 2 dc and considered a third but dd and ds were like "NOOO!!!" so I got tubes tied instead 😎

I am the oldest of 6. I hated it growing up. Never any privacy or space at home. Constant money issues. Hand me downs for the younger ones.

I refused to do any childcare from about the age of 11. I spent most of my time from that age at the local riding school and at the owners house. Mainly to be out.of the 'mad house'.

Now though it's lovely having 4 sisters and a brother. We do stuff with the kids regularly and over the long summer holidays have lots of days out. We don't tend to ask each other to babysit, though 2 of my sisters have a reciprocal arrangement for work emergencies which works for them. But there is always someone in an emergency who can step in. I also only have 1 other close friend and don't really seek other friends out as I have so many sisters. There is always someone around for a brew and a chinwag. Or when we were younger a night out.

We also share the support my mum needs occasionally. And are all pretty close. My siblings found coming from a large family easier than me though I think. I am quite a private person and it was the lack of space more than anything else that drove me mad.

I left home at 17 and was buying my own house by 18.

I have 2 dcs with a 9 year gap. One sister has 4 dcs and is very happy with her brood. The rest of us have 1 or 2 each.

I also hate these threads U2. They're always full of people who 'know someone' who was in a large family who had a shit time, or people who say that 'everyone they know' from large families has ended up,having only two kids.

I'm one of a very, very large group of siblings. We had a fab childhood, were never expected to babysit, and had enough to go round (we were pretty poor, but so were a lot of families in the early 80s). We've all done well academically, are in good health physically and emotionally and are all (those of us who are old enough) in long, stable marriages. Those of us who have children also have large families. I have four of my own. We are very happy.

I'm not going to sit here and slag off small families, because that would be mean, so I'm not sure why large families are fair game. I think the love and fun my children bring to each other's lives is of more benefit than any amount of money or attention I could give them.

I'm from a large family and so is my husband. Neither of us planned to have a large family ourselves but since having our son we have decided not to have anymore for a multitude of reasons. I really don't understand how people manage more than one anyway, let alone 7+

I now get judged for deciding not to have anymore because apparently having an only child is cruel.

Parents of large families often get defensive saying that they love all their children equally; but very often that misses the point. I know my parents love me but being the well behaved quiet one meant I very often got left to my own devices/overlooked. It can be surprisingly lonely in a big family.

We have five between us and to be honest it's not their house so it's irrelevant. That said there are always going to be positives and negatives to any size family. I had one brother who I used to fight with constantly and I would have loved more. My eldest was an only gild for many years and wished for siblings and sometimes wishes he was an only child again. The eldest children always get asked to do more but in my experience get more time and opportunity (before the money runs out) the youngest seem to get away with more but are wearing hand me downs etc... just my experience.

We have four. The eldest is expected to contribute to the household by doing jobs around the house (doesn't actually happen as it should but that's another thread!) because that's what being part of a family, but the same will be true of her siblings when they are a bit older. They already do age appropriate things. Cash for light babysitting is appreciated too - but it's not onerous. We are very aware that our decision to have our children was our responsibility and not theirs.

I used to work with a bloke who was the eldest of 13. 15 people crammed into a three bedroomed house. He went on to have two children. I'm sure he mentioned some of his siblings chose not to have children. (The family were catholic and from a mining village)

I'm sure he left home by 16? He'll be in his early 80's now. I still bump into him now and again. He's lost one of his sons and wife passed three years ago.

And I think that suggesting that people who are from large families, who now have small families themselves, were necessarily unhappy in childhood, is unfair. People are generally having smaller families these days. There is more presdure on women to go out to work and there is more pressure on people to have nicer 'stuff,' which means less children. I'd love to have more but I can't because realistically it means the end of my job, which we can't afford.

reallyanotherone- *My cousins all come from a big family-15 kids.

None of them have had more than two themselves.*

Yes to this.

I grew up next to a family that had 13 kids- all adults now.
Several have had no kids, the others have had only one or two kids.

That speaks volumes.

DF is one of ten - none of his siblings had more than 3. Actually most of them had three, and only those who couldn't have more for medical reasons stopped at 2.

I'm from a biggish family (6 if you include step siblings) and am in the middle of the family order. I never felt my parents had enough time for us all - unless you were standing out in some way (by being the loudest, cleverest, whatever) you just slipped by unnoticed. It's hard to give lots of children equal time (hard enough when you have 2, so when you have 5 or 6 I don't know how it works!!) i shared a room with a brother and sister til I was 16, which I HATED. We couldn't do family stuff as it was too expensive, & too many of us to fit in the car etc. No privacy, no one-on-one time with a parent. I swore I would never do it to my own kids, hence having 2.

I'm one of 6 - not the eldest but the eldest of the youngest 4 (if that makes sense?) I quite liked it, not that I had anything to compare it to. I did babysit but it was always a choice - mum and dad would ask if I was free rather than just assume I would and if they needed me to do full days in school holidays and stuff they'd pay me - less than a childminder I'm sure but it was a good way to fund my interests.
And my youngest sister was the one o tended to have responsibility for most often and she's one or my best friends still.

I am the oldest of 7 and I can say that I hated the babysitting and helping with the housework. I myself now have 3 and I have never got the oldest to babysit as I know how much I hated it. As I child from a large family I do feel I do have right to say I wished we were a smaller family, it is not bashing larger families.
I do wonder if my parents now how much us older siblings hated having to support their choice of having so many children or if they think we had a happy childhood.
The good point must me that you were never alone and you always had company and someone to go out with.

I am one of three.
I didn't get enough attention because my parents CBA.
My OH is the youngest of 12 and he remembers his childhood very fondly. He always felt safe and secure and special (opposite of me).

I have no doubt that his siblings would have varying takes on what its like to grow up in a big familly but like U2 says, its not about the number of kids but about how they are parented.

Although I suspect you might as well just bang your head against a wall U2.
Large families are looked down on by MN.

I have a fair few children and outside of could you pass me that pack of baby wipes that's nearer you,not one of my elder children has ever been expected to take responsibility for the younger ones.

My very eldest has asked if I could bung it in my will that she should care for two of the younger ones in the event of my death but it has never even been suggested to her as an option

I am number 3 of 6: I remember a LOT of baby-sitting and general child care, not to mention teaching younger siblings to read and so on. My oldest sister hated her role in the family as basically a second mother.

There was never any money to do anything, have treats, nice clothes or anything, and I remember being bullied horribly for this at school as well as for coming from a large family.

Although the consensus on this thread is that bigger families are less desirable I think MrsDV makes a very good point.