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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think double barrel surnames all sound stupid and there's just no need for it?

476 replies

ExpectoPatronummmm · 05/02/2017 11:31

I realise I will offend all you double barrellers
But why?
Do you realise it's a mouthful and makes you look like you're trying to be some kind of lord or lady?
What's wrong with one surname?
When I marry my OH i'lol take his surname. I won't just add it to mine and cause an unnecessarly long name to have to say/write/spell.

I think they make you look like a pleb.

OP posts:
EmeraldIsland · 05/02/2017 21:42

That's a good point Elle, not one I'd thought of really. So yes, I'd suppose it could technically be just as 'sustainable' as giving a single surname.

That's on the assumption though that the dc with the double barrelled name isn't as loathe to change their surname as their parents both were though. If they share their parent's feelings, you'd be kind of fucked Grin.

CactusFred · 05/02/2017 21:43

I do think they can sometimes be a bit of a mouthful when they're quite long names but as the owner of a double barrelled first name I'm in no position to throw stones!

I did once know someone with double barrelled first and surname and the names also rhymed it was brilliant.

Really though, why does it matter?

EmeraldIsland · 05/02/2017 21:46

You can't actually help your innate reactions or thoughts to something Jassy. Just your external reactions. And I don't go pelting people with DB names with eggs or anything.

Who knows. I don't know lots of things...why I dislike carrots and parsnips or (to keep more relevant) why I have an absolute aversion to one very popular boys name that dh loves (currently looking as due ds3) but I do, I detest it. Who knows why?

Cosmicglitterpug · 05/02/2017 21:46

Not only have I taken my husband's name, I've taken his double-barrelled name. Double whammy.

JeanLouise123 · 05/02/2017 21:47

We are that couple some people are struggling to envisage.

I'm double barrelled (from birth).

Husband is double barrelled (also from birth).

Our names did not change on marriage.

Our child is double barrelled (not triple or quadruple!). One surname each. It really did not and does not cause problems.

And we are not spanish Wink

WhooooAmI24601 · 05/02/2017 21:49

DS1 was 5 months old when his Dad and I split up, nearly 2 when now-DH and I met. He's grown up with both men playing an important role in his life and always had his Dad's surname. Last summer he was speaking about surnames and asked why his was different to DH, DS2 and I. I explained, saying it was a connection to his Dad's family and that it made him no less family for having a different surname. He thought about it for some time (I'd assumed he'd forgotten about it) and wrote his Dad a letter asking if he could double-barrel his surname with DH's surname too. It's not the norm, sure, but it made him happy so both men okayed it and now he's double-barrelled. They'd have triple-barrelled him if it meant he was happy.

Horses for courses, and if anyone wants to assume he's a tit for having both surnames that's fine. I think folk who need to judge someone by their name have their own separate issues, though.

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2017 21:51

You can't actually help your innate reactions or thoughts to something Jassy.

You can, you know. At the very least you can try to understand them, which can then lead to them changing.

You weren't born with an opinion or reaction to double barrelled names - it's not innate. It's a reaction you've formed somewhere along the way. Often interesting and useful for all of us to sometimes question why we react to things the way we do.

Carrots and parsnips -assume that's a taste thing. On names, I found it really interesting when we were name hunting to think about why I had such a strong reaction to some names. It was usually association-based, often from preschool or primary school.

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2017 21:53

Whooo, that's really lovely. What a great kid you've raised (with what sound like positive influences around him.)

WhooooAmI24601 · 05/02/2017 21:55

Hi really is a great kid and we're lucky to have the kind of friendship where his Dad and I can do stuff like that without anyone getting put-out. It's not perfect by a long shot but I forget sometimes just how fortunate we all are.

Ellle · 05/02/2017 22:00

That's a great story WhooooAmI24601!

When I hear a double-barrelled it makes me think there must be an interesting story or a meaning behind it, and makes me want to know more about it.

Like you say, horses for courses. Each person is different, and each person reacts different or feel a different way to double-barrelled surnames.

DianaMemorialJam · 05/02/2017 22:13

jassy you have been (quite rightly) defensive about db names (I am in the 'call yourself whatever you want' camp)

But earlier in the thread you were a bit nasty about people who take their husbands name on marriage. The respect and acceptance of people's choices should work both ways, no?

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2017 22:17

Diana, I've just read back and I assume you're responding to this:

I'm coping just fine without having signalled to the world my ability to catch a man by changing my name and title

I honestly didn't mean that to encompass all women who change their name on marriage (rather than a subset I have come across), but I accept I worded it clumsily and it came across that way, and I apologise for offence I caused anyone.

DianaMemorialJam · 05/02/2017 22:19

Fwiw jassy I think you have been really great on this thread in the face of some really ignorant posters... And I love db names! I think it's classy Wink

Thank you for that

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2017 22:20

And if anything, I'm quite amused by this thread. I would just love to know why people care.

I know lots of people who have changed their names on marriage, and lots who haven't, with all sorts of reasons, influences and history. These things are complicated and personal to the individuals. I may feel sad that so many women feel the need or desire to change their names, and so few men do, but that's on a broad brush scale rather than the individual, and is more about how i feel about the prevailing culture.

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2017 22:21

Smile No worries, reading back it was a crappy thing to say, and I shouldn't have said it at all.

DianaMemorialJam · 05/02/2017 22:24

It is weird that people can get so het up over someone's surname. Like you say, it's a personal decision. Too much time on their hands maybe...

quarkinstockcubes · 05/02/2017 22:26

I met someone in hospital once who had a triple barrelled first name. Just sayin'.

Whatthesausage · 05/02/2017 22:31

It doesnt bother me personally but sil made her dh double barrel his name when they married though he didnt want to, he is now ex bil and although she cant stand him she will openly admit shes "keeping the double barrell cus its posh init" Hmm

goose1964 · 05/02/2017 22:31

We thought about double barreling our names when we were married, but it sounded like a jazz musician which ever way we did it

bowed · 05/02/2017 22:53

The people who opt for a double barrel surname are still taking their husband's name, just in addition to their own. You don't often see the husband do the same. I don't feel sad for, or pretend to feel superior to, those people who take the husband's surname in a double barrel.

I didn't take my husband's surname at all. I'm quite feminist though.

MaisyPops · 05/02/2017 22:54

What about 2 people with double barrelled names? 4 barrelled names for children? And their children?

I don't really care either way but it'll get to thr point where it's ridiculous.

Monkeyface45 · 05/02/2017 22:58

MaisyPops

I dared to suggest this earlier but it was abruptly pointed out how it was obvious/tedious that I had not read the whole 14 pages of the thread. perhaps because I have other things to do he he Wink

PantyLiner · 05/02/2017 22:58

I had a double barrelled name before I married. The first part was my birth- mothers surname. The second part was my adopted parents surname. I didn't mind having a double barrelled name and I don't really give a fuck what you think OP

corythatwas · 05/02/2017 22:58

MaisyPops, if you just took the trouble to read the thread you would see that this question is addressed repeatedly. Most people in the UK probably do what pretty well all people in the Hispanic-speaking world do and take one surname from each parent. Anything particularly ridiculous about Federico Garcia Lorca? Gabriel Garcia Marquez?

corythatwas · 05/02/2017 23:01

bowed, as for me it wasn't about taking my husband's surname (what with him being male and important): it was about becoming part of a new country

I have a double-barrelled surname in the same way that I would have double nationality if the law allowed it

because I belong in two places

dh does not: there would be absolutely no point in him having surname clearly signalling a culture he has never lived in