To not want dh to go to church every Sunday

[FritzDonovan]

Bit of background - he's not intensely religious from what I have experienced over a decade or so of being together. He has an interest in other religions, but likes to go to church regularly as he says he feels a better person having done so. Used to take the kids and put them in Sunday school (so not with him) until they said they didn't like it (they don't believe in God afaik) and I said they didn't have to go.
Ok so far, my issue is that he often works away for both long and short periods of time during which we don't see him at all. He also has a commute to work which means he doesn't see kids in the morning and is back at 6pm each night. So I feel we should be making the most of the family time at weekends when he is here.
I have no problem with him going every other Sunday and when we have nothing on, but when I said I hoped he wasn't going to want to go every Sunday he told me I was trying to make him feel guilty for going (which I wasn't). I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to personal time (I don't regularly go out to anything as it couldn't continue while he's away). Besides anything else, if he went every week it would mean that any necessary boring stuff like top up food shopping would either cut into the remaining family time or I'd have to do it while dragging two complaining kids around.
I gave up my job because it couldn't work around his, and I get all the other household/organisation/kid stuff done during the week. (Although I do some occasional contract work when I can.) AIBU to want to keep the majority of the family time we have for family activities?

There will be church services near his work.
Ask him to go during the week

To someone who views their faith as important, church isn't remotely comparable to football or the pub

For Catholics, Saturday evening counts as a Sunday Mass. It's a vigil service, which means it takes place on the evening before (feasts and other importantly occasions often begin at the evening service the night before, probably as a hangover from the Jewish custom of counting days from sunset to sunset rather than sunrise to sunrise). Catholics are supposed to attend Mass every Sunday, and the Vigil Masses on Saturday evenings are supposed to help with this.

The CofE is lax in the sense nobody will try to force you to attend weekly (thought I doubt any Catholic would either), but actually has the same rules - as a Confirmed member you are supposed to attend every Sunday and other days of obligation (as the name suggests!) such as the feasts of Epiphany and Ascension. Most people don't do this but many do.

Those saying he could just attend on another day - Christians have always worshipped primarily on a Sunday because every Sunday is a celebration of the resurrection. Weekday services are a nice to have, but Christians in most denominations are supposed to prioritise churchgoing on Sundays.

And he might be able to attend another service on a Sunday, but bear in mind that if it's important to him to receive Communion then Evensong won't do. Also a brief said early service might not fit the bill if what he wants for his spiritual refreshment is music and the sense of being part of a substantial congregation. Early service in my church is about ten elderly people, while the main service is a hundred and twenty or so of all ages. Perhaps he likes meeting his friends and others at the main service.

And yes it is possible to be a Christian and not to to church, but it's a whole lot harder. Part of being a Christian is being a member of the Body of Christ, the church, and learning and growing together in community. The baptism vows contain solemn promises to be part of the community of faith. Many of us find we need the support of the church, and in turn we need to give the church community our support, because the whole point of Christianity is living in peace and love with one's fellows and the church is how we do that and practice it so we can get better at it more widely in our lives.

It is normal for people to be pissed off that you have been talking about them on the internet.

Those saying he could just attend on another day - Christians have always worshipped primarily on a Sunday because every Sunday is a celebration of the resurrection. Weekday services are a nice to have, but Christians in most denominations are supposed to prioritise churchgoing on Sundays.

But if being flexible and going to another service worked well for his family life, then I think he should suck up

Rainbows
She doesnt begrudge him and hour, he takes the WHOLE MORNING.

He isnt working away to suit her, she had to give up her job to accomodate his. Hardly the same thing at all.

Op seems to have done all the compromising as well as her dcs to accomodate him yet gets sfa consideration back.

HE agreed that the kids wouldnt do weekend clubs so they could all spend family time together yet he buggers off for 1/4 of that time on his own.

Seems like only what he wants counts. I am sure that there are churches where he works, he can do online services, he can spend time himself contemplating his faith, it doesnt have to impeach on family time every week in a total of 12 Sundays they have together! Going to church apparently hasnt made him any less selfish. He should be considering his family and his wife first. When does his wife get a whole morning to herself?

I know people with a devout fait yet never go near a church, and when I used to go there were people who were all in their sunday best, singing loudly, praying loudly etc but they were rotton selfish arrogant people you wouldnt want to know but if you met them in church it was a different story.

Christians do prioritise their god. My sister freely admits she loves god more than her children

He does have 40 other sundays a year to go to church!

He probably wouldn't be pissed off if he realised that most posters think he is NBU!

Your sister is a twat Mindtrope. I hope her dc never hear her say such a thing. I don't believe in God but if such a being did exist, I'd hope that they would worry less about the appearance of followers being devout and more about them leading good and kind lives and being caring towards the people they chose to bring into the world.

Christians do prioritise their god. My sister freely admits she loves god more than her children

It doesn't seem fair to say he is opting out of childcare as he was taking the children with him.

To someone who views their faith as important, church isn't remotely comparable to football or the pub

Tell that to football supporters. Football is not a matter of life or death, its much more important. Also go have a read of the other thread that is just like this but uses football rather than religion as the problem.

Also I would say I do know a few people that go to the pub religiously. Its all the same when your a home with the kids waiting for DP to come home.

Posted too soon. Perhaps he considers it a family activity. Some of the things people suggest doing as families might be quite tedious if they are not what interests him- which is how op feels about church.

My gps were religious - it was as much their hobby as sport is to other people. All their friends and social activities were linked to it. Faith for its own sake is not dependant on church attendance - it is a private thing, matter for the soul. Once attendance at church becomes the priority, above children, spouse etc it becomes about the appearance of faith; rather than faith itself.

It is difficult to be faithful when you are not part of a church community. It is easy to get lazy, fall into bad habits, fail to grow and avoid being challenged and stretched, which is really important. You just end up practicing your own version of Christianity (or any other faith probably), which will inevitably be a version favourable to you, your likes and dislikes etc.

Christians believe God wants them to gather regularly - "when two or three are gathered in my name, there I am with them." Church attendance is really the bare minimum. How can there be a community without people to get involved? Not just attend and be ministered to, but also to give, be servants as Jesus was.

Christians do prioritise their god. My sister freely admits she loves god more than her children

Thats awful, just shows how twisted religion can get for some people.

My gps were religious - it was as much their hobby as sport is to other people. All their friends and social activities were linked to it. Faith for its own sake is not dependant on church attendance - it is a private thing, matter for the soul. Once attendance at church becomes the priority, above children, spouse etc it becomes about the appearance of faith; rather than faith itself.

^
Exactly.
Anything that takes precedence over your own flesh and blood is not a good thing imho.

It is difficult to be faithful when you are not part of a church community

What tosh, plenty of church goers have affairs and plenty of atheists are monogamous.

charlestonchaplin

He has 40 other sundays he can go to church. What about people who work weekends, are they not 'christian enough'? Its not about showing face every week its supposed to be about living as a christian and caring about others, doing what is right etc. Blowing off your family for something else isnt doing that.

A relative of mine goes to church regularly but if she has a family occaision, or the weather is too bad for her to get out she doesnt go, she doesnt think that the world will end just cos she isnt there in person. She doesnt need to go to church to believe in god or be a nice person, she just lives her life the best way she can and prioritisies family over anything else when it matters to them.

As I said I know people who went to church every week and they were horrible people the rest of the week, it was all show, church going doesnt make you a 'good christian'.

JamieXeed
I didn't mean faithful in that sense. I meant faithful to Christian principles and God. And whilst I'm sure some Christians may be unfaithful in relationships (because we are all sinners and not perfect), I think it is probably true that rates of infidelity are much lower amongst active Christians and by that I don't mean churchgoers.

It is difficult to be faithful when you are not part of a church community. It is easy to get lazy, fall into bad habits, fail to grow and avoid being challenged and stretched, which is really important.

So you have no altrustic habits - you need rules, threats and carrots to make you behave?

Us poor atheists frequently mate with our siblings and often eat children

I think Charleston is being really misinterpreted: I think she clearly meant that it's hard to maintain an active and growing faith without a church community, not that it's hard to maintain basic morality or marital fidelity (?!?!) without a church! It's like learning a language or something: yes, you can do it online and on your own, but realistically you're going to get a lot more out of it and maintain much better motivation if you go to a class where you learn alongside others.

I think it is probably true that rates of infidelity are much lower amongst active Christians and by that I don't mean churchgoers.

Why do you think that?

I think it is natural for Christians who don't work in essential services (health, firefighters, police) to avoid jobs which require Sunday working. Some churches have evening services but the Christian belief is that there are six other days to work and earn money. Sunday is the day to focus on God. I believe this is the reason the toy shop The Entertainer doesn't open on Sundays.

Willow2016 I am often amused when people who are clearly not Christians presume to tell Christians what Christian faith and practice is or should be. People like you think Christianity is all cute and cuddly and is about doing your best. Well, not really. You clearly have not come across bible passages which say you should be prepared to turn your back on your family, if say your family are an obstruction to your worship of God. Attending church with the right heart and mind, that is, not to put on a show, will make the OP's husband a better husband and father.