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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU regarding theatre experience?

631 replies

WildBelle · 04/02/2017 19:19

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

OP posts:
AVirginLitTheCandle · 05/02/2017 21:50

As long as there are people out there who will belittle me and stare at me like I'm some exhibit in a freak show then no I will not just "let it go".

This has sent my anxiety right up again. I feel like I can't breathe.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:50

I can imagine it would be even more meaningful for someone with dementia - and TBH ds1 & someone with advanced dementia are likely to share similar behaviours!

andintothefire · 05/02/2017 21:50

Devilish - sorry, maybe crossed wires but I was talking about your DS2?

AVirginLitTheCandle · 05/02/2017 21:51

Is it greedy to have a hot chocolates with cream, marshmallows and a flake sprinkled on top twice in the same evening day?

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:54

Oh ha ha. He's still in his teens so not much beyond the outstare bolshy people phase. He attends inclusive workshops etc when he can. If he goes into theatre I hope he takes his experiences with him. He says you can't even hear people shouting etc from the stage.

PenguinRoar · 05/02/2017 22:14

The Meet Me At... programme for older people in theatres is brilliant. I know Birmingham rep, the Albany and Farnham Maltings run them..

See also People Dancing and I think it's a Royal Ballet peer reviewed programme for people with Parkinsons.

DixieNormas · 05/02/2017 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DramaQueenofHighCs · 05/02/2017 22:25

virgin not at all if you need it.

Very interesting and true points about different people with ASD all having different needs and I really think this is a situation where it would be impossible to accommodate everybody 100% satisfactorily all of the time. You can have performances where people can be loud, performances where people can walk around during it, performances where it will be guaranteed quiet (as in anyone making a noise will be asked to leave - but advertised that it will happen so LD people would probably not book them anyway..) etc etc but those "inclusive" performances will still be "exclusive" in other ways IYSWIM. I think there really is no "catch all" here, though the 'soundproof' rooms do sound a good idea where appropriate, though I'm sure not everybody with applicable LD would want to use them and shouldn't be forced to.

Those of us with less severe LD or who are NY I think (after reading this thread with interest) really should "suck it up" when such things happen - however I think theatres should have some type of known provision for other patrons when incidents like these do happen, especially when they have paid £££ for tickets, though what form that would take (refund, partial refund, tickets for another show, free interval drink/icecream, free programme.... ) I don't know.
IMHO we all just have to accept that "we can't please all of the people all of the time" and realise that everyones enjoyment is important, which includes NT, and LD of whatever type.

PenguinRoar · 05/02/2017 22:37

dramaqueen

Yup, agreed. Most theatres try to accommodate upset customers for whatever reason, because they would like them to come back and because they are social, public spaces.

The refund, move seats, comp drink etc. Would all be considered if asked for, or if a customer raised their concerns with the venue.

You are right though, you can't please everyone all of the time, but if they leave with a smile or feel their concerns have been heard, then that is sometimes the best possible outcome.

DramaQueenofHighCs · 05/02/2017 22:48

I forgot to add that of course the theatre's "compensation" would also be given to those with LD and their families if they have been made to feel uncomfortable by others not being tolerant of their needs! (By which I mean having people complain to them etc. not people having a quiet word with the theatre after.)

manicinsomniac · 05/02/2017 23:11

I just tried to find out what my local ATG can do for those with ASDs and found they have something called 'social stories'? I tried to download it but the link just takes you through to the ATG website which asks you to contact your individual theatres 'Access Champion' - so it does sound like there is somebody in a theatre whose job it is to take these issues seriously. Maybe change is on its way.
www.atgtickets.com/access/visual-stories/

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 23:16

A social story just tells you what to expect. I write ds1 social stories (using widgit - which they mention) several times a week most weeks. You're better off writing your own than using a generic one really.

worridmum · 05/02/2017 23:37

btw if you leave the complaints til after the show your unlikely to actully get a refund you know (or atleast not in a cinema when i worked in one during my university years you were expected to raise your complaint during the show so we could attempt to sovle the issue).

While I agree that people with LD should not be asked to leave I do expect that people experence that could of been effected to get a refund or other tickets even if that means everyone in the room gets a refund.

letthirstydogslie · 05/02/2017 23:44

We went to a show recently set in an old church turned theatre, big comfy bean bags on the floor instead of seats, kids allowed to wander about, area made into a safe space, items to play with/draw and make and audience participation welcomed.

It seemed like a great set up for anyone who might struggle with the standard setting and I would like to see more like that.

LouKout · 06/02/2017 07:50

Would people not cringe at themselves for going up during a show and complaining about someone with LDs making involuntary noises?

Cant get my head round that. Yet it happens a lot. I shouldn't be surprised

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 06/02/2017 07:57

letthirstydogslie if that Church theatre is in London, do you mind pming me the name? I would love to go

JanuaryMoods · 06/02/2017 08:07

Would people not cringe at themselves for going up during a show and complaining about someone with LDs making involuntary noises?

I'm sure many people would cringe and thus don't complain. That doesn't mean they shouldn't. If they cannot enjoy the experience they have paid for, the theatre should give replacement tickets so they can try again.

No one is saying people with LDs should be told to leave just that those whose enjoyment is ruined should be compensated. That seems fair.

However, I do think carers have a responsibility to try to mitigate the behaviour of their clients/family member. I have been in places where the (paid) carers have dumped their charges in a coffee bar and sat on their phones for an hour, ignoring them as they create a mess and become distressed making a lot of noise. Or at a selling show at the NEC where the clients were obviously in great distress but the carers were just piling up the present they'd bought on their wheelchairs.

It wasn't an enjoyable experience for the clients but for the carers it was free tickets so the clients had to lump it until they'd finished. This wasn't an isolated occasion I see it at every show I go to. It's cruel. My DN would not be able to cope in such crowds so I just wouldn't take him.

Everybody needs to compromise.

LouKout · 06/02/2017 08:12

So because of some crap carers all people with LDs should be kept away? I cant agree.

Especially since at least one of the people in the OPs scenario were thoroughly enjoying it.

We seem to have lost sight of compassion and its all.about money and compensation.

We can try to couch it in terms of the poor people dont enjoy it so they shouldn't be there anyway..but the girl WAS enjoying it.

To go and complain about her would have been mean spirited IMO.

LouKout · 06/02/2017 08:16

Am saddened by thsi thread. I remember a bus thread where HQ said firmly that it was wrong and disablist to suggest someone should be removed because of their disability and this would be deleted.

But now..maybe because its a leisure activity and not transport...Hmm this is not only said but is pretty much the consensus of the thread. And silence.

LouKout · 06/02/2017 08:19

Sorry..maybe not everyone saying removed..just that you should go and complain during the show so that you can he compensated for their presence.

What a welcoming and inclusive society we live in. Until you dont act NT and people have paid money.

And now its been done to death and am off to work :)

JanuaryMoods · 06/02/2017 08:20

So because of some crap carers all people with LDs should be kept away? I cant agree.

I didn't say that. I said the theatre should compensate those whose enjoyment was ruined, not that the girl should have been removed. Please read what I say properly and don't leap to ridiculous conclusions.

I moved on by saying that obviously distressed people should not be forced into a situation that upsets them just because the carers wanted to be there. Why would you disagree with that?

I would have complained to the theatre in OP's position because tickets are expensive and I expect to hear what goes on on stage. The child and her mother would never have known, so how can that be mean spirited?

You have conflated two different scenarios because you didn't read what I said properly.

LouKout · 06/02/2017 08:22

I am conflating it because you mentuoned it in this context. The context of a girl who was actually enjoying the show. So IMO you are conflating the two.

MissAdaSmith · 06/02/2017 08:22

Lookout, that's because it concerns people with LDs. As a mum if a child with severe LDs, I have experienced many times that not everybody but a lot of people consider DD a lesser person because of her learning diffs.

LouKout · 06/02/2017 08:22

How can it be mean spirited? Let me count the ways..

We won't agree though so happy to agree to differ..work calls :)

letthirstydogslie · 06/02/2017 08:24

Hopelesslydevoted it is in Chester sorry. It was the Just Soph show based on Rudyard Kipling at St Mary's Creative Space if it helps anyone. I am betting the venue will do more.