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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU regarding theatre experience?

631 replies

WildBelle · 04/02/2017 19:19

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

OP posts:
SmilingButClueless · 05/02/2017 21:14

devilish I do realise that, and think that's probably more wrong - at least I can advocate for myself most of the time.

It is frustrating when the only adaptations and adjustments for autism seem to be for people, mainly children, who fit into a particular autism 'type'.

SmilingButClueless · 05/02/2017 21:16

Bishop so their distress trumps mine? Shouldn't we be equal?

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:16

Smiling - we leave places with ds1 all the time. If he can't cope we leave. Likewise if someone is doing something wrong in the street outside our house (such as sitting in their car) I don't tell them to move- they can do what they like in a public street. When ds1 breaks a window because they didn't move - it's still our problem, not theirs.

LouKout · 05/02/2017 21:18

Its hardly living the dream to have severe autism.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 05/02/2017 21:18

Um, we do leave. That's the point Confused

BishopBrennansArse · 05/02/2017 21:18

They're not bothered. You are.
No need for them to move.

One of my children gets distressed for any reason I'd ask for a move or leave. Not expect someone else who may not be able to modify their behaviour to move.

Not a question of who has more needs.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:18
Grin

No - needing 24 2:1 to keep you and those around you safe really isn't living the dream.

SmilingButClueless · 05/02/2017 21:18

devilish As do I, in real life.

But am I wrong to wish that there was some way there could be a designated "quiet area"?

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:20

*hour

And yes it's not about top trumps - it's about coping - if ds1 isn't coping he leaves. If I think it's 90% certain he won't cope we don't try. 50:50 we try with an escape route. Happy & content but noisy we stay.

catwoman0815 · 05/02/2017 21:21

it is frustrating when the only adaptations and adjustments for autism seem to be for people, mainly children, who fit into a particular autism 'type'.

smiling, I have a DC with severe autism. Can you enlighten me what adjustments and adaptions you are talking about???

Tia

PenguinRoar · 05/02/2017 21:22

devilish please dm me. I can probably sign post some organisations in your area.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 05/02/2017 21:23

No - needing 24 2:1 to keep you and those around you safe really isn't living the dream.

Neither is needing to have a support worker despite being a fully grown (but clearly not capable) adult.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:24

Ds1 needs a noisy area. The private boxes would have worked for both.

Had we had those he would have seen his brother in west end tours. There weren't so he didn't. He's had hell of a lot worse from his disability TBH.

SmilingButClueless · 05/02/2017 21:29

catwoman really just the relaxed performances. Which are probably as not-helpful for your DC as they are for me. I don't know, as I don't know how your DC is affected.

I am categorically not saying that there is any type of good provision here btw. What I was trying to say, somewhat clumsily, was that some organisations think they are offering autism-friendly provision but the provision only works for people with certain needs, not for everyone with autism.

catwoman0815 · 05/02/2017 21:29

Virgin, just let it go.

needing 2:1 support for safety isn't hardly the same as a HF person needing a support worker. I have a HF nice and a severely autistic child. both have their challenges but they are not really the same and worlds apart.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:30

That's true of all autism adaptations though. I look for LD provision - autism stuff is generally way above anything ds1 could cope with.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:31

Oh sorry to smiling

andintothefire · 05/02/2017 21:31

Devilishpyjamas - I think there will start to be more focus on theatre companies that put access and disability at the top of their agenda. I also think that ACE will start to impose requirements for funding. You are probably aware of Graeae Theatre, which does fantastic work involving D/deaf and disabled actors. Some music-focussed organisations have also done a lot of work with dementia patients. The more vocal parents and carers are about the desire to attend theatre that makes particular adjustments, the more theatre companies will listen. Hopefully we are moving towards a society where there no longer needs to be any shame about those needs, and theatre companies will wake up to the fact not only are that there people with money to spend who are not being catered for, but also that all theatregoers want to support companies that reconise those needs. I suspect that your son's experiences and ambitions will be of great interest.

NotCitrus made a very good point about how many people would benefit from captioned performances. As we all get older and live longer, there are many of us who don't necessarily need to think about access issues right now, but will find ourselves on the "other side" of the debate in years to come. Of course we should all have compassion for the difficulties that other people face anyway, but it is always worth remembering that there will probably be times when we'll be personally affected.

catwoman0815 · 05/02/2017 21:32

smiling, there are very few relaxed performances where I am. Nightmare to get hold of a ticket and the few shows that are often don't fit in our timetable anyways. In short, they are pretty inaccessible even though DD would probably enjoy them.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:34

But then we're back to autisms am- no such thing as autism and having wildly differing needs.

A theatre is on a hiding to nothing really.

Ds1 loves festivals. They work (although are exhausting for the people taking him). Similarly outdoor cafes work, inside with long waits & crowded tables - not so much.

Generally we try to do things that are likely to work (hence have never tried the theatre - even to see ds2). If a theatre could accommodate ds1 great - but I understand the difficulties.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:37

Oh dementia. I can imagine the theatre could be a very powerful experience for some with dementia. The joy of a well known production. I'd happily sit next to someone with dementia seeing their favourite play.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:39

They could even bash me (I'm bashed all the time - I genuinely don't care).

That to me would be worth it for the joy it could bring a family losing a loved one to dementia

andintothefire · 05/02/2017 21:45

There are some very interesting studies about the benefit of music in particular for dementia patients (and their families). When it becomes difficult to communicate with somebody verbally, music can be the way to access memories or to draw families together.

As PenguinRoar said earlier, there are lots of theatre companies that are way ahead of other industries in trying to have an impact on society beyond merely selling tickets.

But they all need to hear from people with real experience who can help to drive change. When I worked in theatre I would have been very interested indeed to hear ideas from your son.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 05/02/2017 21:47

Virgin, just let it go.

Is this another way of telling me to just "suck it up"?

needing 2:1 support for safety isn't hardly the same as a HF person needing a support worker.

I never said it was.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/02/2017 21:48

You wouldn't get ideas from my son as he can't speak & doesn't have capacity - but he reacts very strongly to music. For him to cope with the theatre he would need to be able to be loud & to come a go & move. A relaxed performance or outdoor performance would be fine. For more conventional theatre the box & screen with the sound pumped in would be fine :)