AIBU regarding theatre experience?

[WildBelle]

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

Oh, someone has said upthread that the next time someone with Aspergers goes to the theatre, it will be quiet and they'll be fine.

The issue I find with a distressing experience (such as a noisy theatre) is that because it's disproportionately traumatic, I will then become distressed thinking that it might be about to happen. So a certain amount of theatre performances would then be distressing, because I'd be waiting for the event to happen again.

I hope not change - it would ruin what was clearly an important and big 'success' for the family .

AVirgin please don't be upset. I get you. You're not a 'special snowflake.' I'm not NT either, and infuriatingly I love and loathe the cinema at the same time. I enjoy watching the film, but am so stressed and tense at the beginning because I'm convinced that someone will start talking or making a noise during it. Like a lot of people, I can't process noises coming at the same time from different directions. I often wait till a film is at the end of its run and go very late at night to avoid interaction with a lot of other people.

But to do with not actively removing people with disabilities against their will.

But what if I don't want to leave?

Then you can stay avirgin

Surely it's like being stuck next to a smelly person on a train? You can't ask them to leave but you can choose between putting up with the smell or looking for another seat (& maybe not being able to find one).

YY P00 I like films and want to watch them at the cinema but I can't.

Actually, I'd find it emotionally much easier if someone with LDs was 'breaking the rules' if I knew in advance that this was the 'rule' and could prep for it. Just saying repeatedly to myself in advance 'a girl will sing, and this is because she is fully participating in the show' would make it much easier. It wouldn't help with the hearing problems that often come with Aspergers, but it would knock out a lot of the extreme distress.

Exactly avirgin. I wouldnt tell you to leave either. You can choose to. Thats not me removing you actively.

Then you can stay avirgin

I wish

Surely it's like being stuck next to a smelly person on a train?

Not really, not for me anyway. Being next to a smelly person won't cause me to meltdown and have a panic attack. Being in a noisy (for me) situation would.

avirginlit

Some fringe venues and more contemporary theatres have 1to1 performances, but they do tend to be interactive. BAC springs to mind. Not sure if that would be possible or of interest.

Additionally, more and more theatres now have relaxed spaces outside of the auditorium so there is somewhere to escape to if anything becomes overwhelming.

Have you tried contacting venues in advance to ask what options there might be? We have single seats that are very popular with people who don't want to or find it difficult be close to others.

Pyjamas - I see the analogy, but an AS meltdown is much more severe than the physical repulsion caused by someone hideously smelly. :-) I know it doesn't make any sense, but it doesn't make any sense to me either and I'm the one experiencing it!

I have a severely autistic son - I know what a fucking meltdown looks like.

I wouldnt tell you to leave either.

Even if I was having a full blown panic attack?

My son has broken bones (mine) during meltdowns. He has needed paramedics called from the damage he had done to himself during them. If he is in a situation that he can't cope with - we leave.

We don't ask other people to leave. He leaves.

AVirgin and nomnom - okay, I can see your difficulty more clearly now. Thank you. Way upthread a poster had an idea about observation rooms around the tops of the auditorium. They sound like a really good 'catch all' solution that could be campaigned for.

You have the choice even if you are finding the situation distressing

But me finding it distressing could also impact other people if I have a melt down. That's why I leave. It's not just to protect myself but it's also for the sake of other people too.

Oh, I think part of the issues is that NT people are suggesting that AS people can leave. That's loads harder if you've got AS, because the 'rule' is you can't leave mid performance (I genuinely don't quite know how you do it) plus in your story of the evening, unless you've planned the leaving option in, it's not what happens, so it can't happen. When I went to the gig, I'd pre-planned leaving, so it was an option.

Does that help uncover some of the difficulties?

Cross-post - I can see that I have spoken to Pyjamas without the knowledge that your son has AS.

And so we look for experiences he can try - and have our escape route planned. Did try the cinema - but he'd lost interest after sitting trough the commercials so we left. TBH the sound is so loud in cinemas he could have been shrieking his head off and no-one would have heard him.

Generally we do our best to ensure that his disability does not impact on anyone else - but if it very occasionally does because he's being loud because he's happy so he it.

We don't ask other people to leave

Yes. So do I.

I still don't appreciate being told that people like me aren't important and that I don't matter just because my disability is different.

what a nasty thread.

if people are bothered about having their enjoyment sploiled by the presence of somebody with ASD/LDs there is an easy answer: just stay at home. Disabled preople are part of life. They also attend theatres etc. Removing them? Seriously?

I think I might have to adapt the attitude of another poster here and just do my thing and if anyone gets offended by me then they can piss off.

just stay at home

Good grief.