AIBU regarding theatre experience?

[WildBelle]

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

I always try not to judge people. I don't tell people what they should and should not do and should or should not be feeling. Yet for some reason people think it's fine to judge me and be the ones to tell me if my feelings are valid or not.

Some of the comments on here have actually made me cry and reminded me why I hate myself so much and why I'm often terrified to leave the house.

I think the thread has progressed to something beyond the question the OP asked.

Are you justified in feeling upset and disappointed, that you couldn't hear or concentrate on a performance you had been looking forward to seeing with your kids. Absolutely, it's not really fair, and you may be entitled to having at least a partial refund if you ask?

Is it reasonable to ban people with additional needs or LD from theatre and musical performances? Um, no. Is this seriously being suggested, or are we just getting a little carried away here?

Quietly asking at the box office for a refund or a replacement ticket is, I think, fine if you have had an expensive evening ruined.

Publicly complaining about someone getting to enjoy an experience they are as legally and ethically entitled to as anyone else is not fair

Yes pretty much this. To some people theatre is a very rare event and a hell of a lot of money they cannot afford to suck up. I don't think they should have to suck it up.

I think it is absolutely fine to say you understand someone can't help it but it is distracting you from the show as long as YOU ask to move and YOU are the one who leaves rather than asking for the other person to leave.

Sorry first two paragraphs should have quote marks.

AVirgin - what is your answer then? Chuck out the person with LD's?

Nope. I have no problem leaving if someone (or something) is distressing me, whether that person is NT or has SN. Incidentally it's usually NT people who push my anxiety over the edge and usually over something innocuous like talking or munching on food.

However some of the comments on here towards people like me are just nasty and upsetting .

Given that the people you claim have upset you are posting in defnece of people with disabilities i hardly think they are including autism related noise insensitivity when talking about intolerance

Not at all, AVirgin . I can't imagine how you got that from what I said?!?

I mean that:

1. You need a quiet, rule abiding atmosphere for your disability
2. Theatres are usually quiet, rule atmospheres
3. On the rare occasion that a disabled person who makes involuntary noise is in the audience that quiet, rule abiding atmosphere might not happen.
4. This would be annoying to NT people and distressing for you.
5. Some people, both NT and not, might choose or need to leave
6. The next time you go to the theatre you will almost certainly not have the same experience and be fine.
7. So, on the one occasion that it does happen, I think your needs come second.

I'm really sorry if you thought I was minimising your disability. What was I was actually doing was saying that it just happens that your disability is suited to theatre etiquette. If we were talking about a disco, then it would be your disability that would need special accommodation rather that someone who loudly expresses their enjoyment.

Yes they are Lou. I have read the thread.

What was I was actually doing was saying that it just happens that your disability is suited to theatre etiquette.

No it isn't. I can't go to the theatre or the cinema even though I would love to.

But they just aren't I'm afraid.

Someone earlier in the thread told an autistic poster that someone else's disability was more important than hers so she needed to suck it up. If that's not disabiulist then what is it?

^disabilist

Yes Lou.

As another person with Aspergers, I went to an event recently which I knew might cause me distress (non-seated loud music), but where I wanted to take the risk. I decided that it was cheap enough and close enough to home that I could leave if I was distressed, plus I went on my own so I could leave without spoiling anyone else's pleasure. I did about an hour, staying on the edge of the crowd, and found that it was getting too much, so left. That's life with a disability, sadly - much more planning and sometimes finding that something just isn't working out.

I said that unfortunately she couldn't expect other people with disabilities to be removed for her as a reasonable adjustment,unfortunately.

I said it. I know what i meant. Thank you :)

No it isn't. I can't go to the theatre or the cinema even though I would love to

Okay. Then what is it that would need to happen to make you able to go? Because I'm sure it isn't the removal of other disabled people. Sorry, from your other posts, it sounded like you do go but wouldn't be able to cope with unexpected noise there. If there are other issues then it's a separate problem. No less valuable. But separate.

But if you are determined to believe it theres no point arguing with you AVirgin. Believe what you like.

Yup NomNom

I said that unfortunately she couldn't expect other people with disabilities to be removed for her as a reasonable adjustment,unfortunately.

So the other person with the disability will have to leave instead.

Have to agree nomnom - we generally have an escape plan for every single thing we do with ds1. Even just walking to the corner shop has a plan b.

It's partly why it was lovely to read the comment about the happy birthday girl on FB and discover that she had loved every moment of the show.

Having seen the 'Mum' of the girl in the theatres Facebook page I wonder if she has seen this thread. .

manic probably the removal of just about everybody. I would need my own private showing . But that's not going to happen.

Sorry I was so short with you before and misunderstood you. I deal with this shit every day

AVirgin well sadly if its that or remove the person who cant help making noise they would have to.

Not to do with who is more important. But to do with not actively removing people with disabilities against their will. They can leave if they want though. HTH