AIBU regarding theatre experience?

[WildBelle]

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

Disabled preople are part of life.

Indeed we are. However I'm not going to "stay at home" just because my disability is different to someone else's and might clash with someone else's sometimes.

My son is adult, non-verbal, severely autistic, severely learning disabled. People get offended & uncomfortable by him standing next to him.

If his behaviour is dangerous - we leave.
If his behaviour is very difficult for others we leave
If he is happy & content & offending people by daring to exist and be learning disabled we stay.

just stay at home

that was not aimed at those with LDs

I suppose the sensible suggestion would be to book an aisle seat so that you can make a run for it if necessary. I saw The Tempest at the Donmar recently - that really was quite stressful as they made it very clear you couldn't get out!

This is probably really obvious so sorry in advance but, just in case - do you know you can get a special card which allows a carer to attend events with you for free? I sometimes go with a friend who has anxiety, depression, diabetes and anorexia/bulimia so might struggle physically or mentally at any time. The system means that if we have to leave early or cancel going then we haven't lost as much money and also means that I can look after her if she needs a bit of support but not to leave.

Would it help to pre plan leaving early into everything or would it then become a problem for you if you didn't want to leave?

This happened to us when we took my DSDs to see something last year.

It was a matinee and there some people in the audience at the front with disabilities who were making a lot of loud noise - tbh it was distracting but I felt a bit guilty for feeling annoyed - not sure if there is a solution really as everyone should be able to enjoy a show whatever your ability.

I figured I had to live and let live

that was not aimed at those with LDs

But it could be if their needs clash.

It's not just about someone doing something unexpected or breaking the rules either, is it (though I can fully understand how distressing that could be).

Nor is it the same as putting up with a smelly person on the bus: however distracting that may be, you will still get to your destination- which is what you paid the ticket price for. If you go to a play and can't hear the actors, then you haven't got to your destination so to speak.

A better analogy would be if you paid for a meal in a restaurant and somebody with learning difficulties came up and grabbed the food from your table. They might not be able to understand that this was wrong, but I think it would still be reasonable to insist on your right to eat the meal you had paid for. Of course, a restaurant can bring you out a new dish (with a certain amount of delay)- but a theatre can't do that: the play has to keep moving on.

Obviously, it depends on the level of disruption. A little bit of squealing now and then is something most reasonable people could probably cope with: singing loudly throughout the play so no one can hear a word would be problematic.

Basically, theatre tickets are very expensive and having saved up for a long time to hear a certain play, maybe played by a certain actor, and then finding that you don't actually get to hear it would be upsetting for many people.

I would feel guilty, but I would be very upset.

Actually, I already feel bad about what I just wrote. Difficult one.

cory west end commercial theatre tickets can be very expensive, but there are hundreds of theatres in London and across the country that are not.

That seems to me Cory to be perfectly reasonable. If you have not had an experience that mattered to you and that you were looking forward to, you can still be validly upset and disappointed, even if you intellectually accept that another person did have that valuable experience who otherwise would have gone without.

I really hope the mum doesn't read this, some of the comments are so offensive and the mum is easily identifiable. Some of the posts on this thread have been quite a depressing read.

NomNomTom What you have said about not being able to leave because it's 'the rule' to stay until the end (I have to wait until the lights are on & Orchestra have finished etc.) is so true! I even find it distressing to change seats as 'the rule' is you sit in the seat you have the ticket for.
Basically I'm posting to say thanks for your explanations - I've hummed and Ha'd over going for a diagnosis and am so glad I am now as practically everything you have said I can see in myself. ("Planning" to leave or not leave is also something.)

I got chucked out of a group once for having an anxiety meltdown which distressed other members of the group and members of the public who were also using the building, but because I don't have a diagnosis as yet there was nothing I could do to challenge them.

This issue is so difficult as everyone should have equal right to enjoy live theatre without it being spoiled. But as I've already said, theatres charging less for those performances would help a lot I think. Then both NT and LD patrons would feel a little more ok with leaving if they felt the need. (Not just if 'joe public' asked them to.)

PenguinRoar Sun 05-Feb-17 18:20:09
"cory west end commercial theatre tickets can be very expensive, but there are hundreds of theatres in London and across the country that are not."

I know and I do go to a lot of different performances, but sometimes I will just have set my heart on hearing one particular actor do one particular part, speaking those words, seeing his or her interpretation. It's not about a generic "going to the theatre experience".

Thank you, Drama. If you'd like to PM me, I'm very happy to talk about my experiences of getting a diagnosis.

The joke is that when I did the questionnaire, I first analysed and categorised the questions, researched their validity, critiqued the wording (some of which is very poor IMO), and then filled out the questionnaire, attaching all of my research and workings. As the psych said, they didn't really need to analyse my answers after that...

Oh, totally, Cory. Cheek by Jowl's Winter's Tale was different to Kenneth Brannagh's which was different to Northern Broadside's, to name just three in the last two years. Plus there's a fair amount of shite out there...

NomNomTom so glad I'm not the only person to do that with the diagnosis questionnaire

Perhaps the answer is to campaign for having special 'library' performances, where there is a published list of rules and anyone not being quiet - for whatever reason - is automatically asked to leave. Then people who can't control their noises or their carers would know not to book those performances (and of course they could still book any other performance, same as I know not to book relaxed performances as they don't work for me) and all the annoying NT people making noise could be kicked out.

A better analogy would be if you paid for a meal in a restaurant and somebody with learning difficulties came up and grabbed the food from your table

I'm sorry that some people have been upset by this thread, or been offended. Personally, I think it's a good thing that discussions like this are brought out into the open - it's a way of hearing different viewpoints and perhaps changing opinions. I've certainly learnt from it. And perhaps it's public discussions like these that will encourage theatres to offer more types of performance to suit people's differing needs, which seems to be the consensus of what the solution might be.

Worridmum I doubt they HAVE to legally but in experience they will.

1. Move the person complaining to another seat.
2. If not possible offer another ticket for another day.
3. Refund

Because it is better to lose a bit and keep a possible return customer.

I would also say staff are wary of approaching the guilty noisy party (I am on about NT now by the way!) because of the abuse they will likely get.

I've complained several times about annoying drunks and noisy NT chatters and I have always been moved and they haven't even been approached.

wildbelle I am certainly trying to find out how else theatres can assist disabled patrons and those with additional needs. It's good to see you've stuck with thread and posted your changing thoughts as the discussion has developed. I truly hope that despite you being inconvenienced, you can appreciate just how special that show was to the child you heard singing.

What I absolutely won't be doing is pushing any part of this "problem" in the direction of those patrons.

It may interest some on here to know that there are multiple agencies, producing companies and venues who are passionately committed to improving the experiences of audience members with disabilities. And these same organisations also want access to be improved for performers and theatre workers too.

If anyone would like signposting to them, please let me know. They may also be able to advise which venues do provide relaxed or extra live performances too, or what other resources are available in venues.