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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think work are taking the piss now

237 replies

DelphineCormier · 03/02/2017 21:32

Posted another thread a few weeks ago and don't really want to go into all that again, but brief summary, my boss tried to cancel my booked holiday two days in advance because colleague 1 had been forced to take early maternity leave unexpectedly. Couldn't persuade anyone else to cover the shift so told me I would have to cancel my holiday booked for that day as my cover was needed to cover colleague 1. I had worked xmas day on the basis I would get this day off, eventual outcome was colleague 2 was persuaded to cover my shift. Maternity cover for colleague 1 eventually started a week later, boss had struggled finding cover.

Colleague 3 is also pregnant, and has just put in a request to start early maternity leave. Boss is freaking out slightly over this as colleague 3 had said she would start maternity leave much later iyswim, colleague 1 was early but not this early. Cover has been found, but will not do weekend shifts. I have been 'asked' if I will take on colleague 3's Sunday shift until an alternative solution is found. I am allowed to say no, although colleague 3 and other colleagues are putting a lot of pressure on me to do this.

I already work Saturday mornings and am a single parent. Not left with a lot of time when I would actually see my child if I were also working Sundays! I would get another half day off during the week but no guarantee what hours this will be. Childcare on Sundays would be an absolute nightmare. No one else works both days at the weekend, and lots don't work weekends at all. AIBU to tell them to ask pressurise someone else?

OP posts:
Chickoletta · 04/02/2017 09:31

I would be looking for a new job.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2017 09:36

I know it won't feel this way to the manager, but actually you might be doing them a favour by refusing ... since being kind and helpful hasn't worked, it's probably the only way he'll ever be persuaded to actually do his job of managing

Who knows, he might even feel better for it Grin

harderandharder2breathe · 04/02/2017 10:13

Say no. It's not your problem. Your colleague may well have very good reasons for wanting to start mat leave early but that's not your concern. You have to stand up for yourself because no one else will, by the sounds of it. It's down to management to find suitable cover. You can't do Sundays.

pluck · 04/02/2017 13:38

Do you think they're trying to get rid of you? If colleagues point the finger at you first, and management enables that, it looks very like bullying. Is there an HR department over your manager, or is it a small company? Also, is your profession unionised?

MrsJaniceBattersby · 04/02/2017 13:45

How did you get on OP ?

barinatxe · 04/02/2017 13:51

Say no and start looking for another job. You don't like the culture of the place you are working for, and aren't in a position to change it.

GiGiraffe · 04/02/2017 13:53

They are totally taking the piss - say no

QueenLaBeefah · 04/02/2017 13:54

Say no.

But TBH the place sounds like a shambles. Time to update your CV I think.

Original poster
DelphineCormier · 04/02/2017 19:00

Was asked again this morning by a higher manager, I explained again that no I cannot get childcare, and no I am not willing to give up my Sundays regardless given I already work Saturday mornings. Got a lot of 'but colleague 3 really wants to take her maternity leave early' stuff, made it clear that no I would not be compromising on this. They asked if I could cover colleague 3 just for tomorrow, I said absolutely no way can I find childcare at less than 24 hours notice for a Sunday. They let it go at that point. Colleague 3 isn't in Saturdays but was clearly informed because she has sent me a long bratty email listing all the reasons I should stop being selfish and work Sundays so she can take her leave early. Some of it is plain offensive. Have backed up and forwarded to HR.

I wouldn't be willing to switch to Sundays, current work schedule actually works very well for me. DD has been doing an activity that takes up most of Saturday mornings for the last couple of years, so I just drop her there before work, pick her up slightly late and the coaches are fantastic and let her watch the big girls until I come to get her. I then have a weekday free on which I can pick her up from school and spend time with her then. Saturday morning sports session means I wouldn't see her on Saturday mornings anyway and we go to church most Sundays. Current schedule works well for us and I don't think anyone on weekdays only would feel any differently about having to work Saturdays to be completely honest. It's still a weekend shift.

My particular team within department operates on a reduced staff at the weekend. In an emergency situation more staff might get called in, but on a typical weekend that isn't the case. Means not everyone needs to work weekend hours.

There probably is a culture of expecting me to do it. For a long time before I had DD I was single, no family, didn't have much of a social life. I was usually pretty willing to cover antisocial shifts and so I did. Then I had DD and my priorities changed. It has been particularly bad lately, probably because we've had a lot of staff off in a short space of time and they've struggled to find cover. That cover is NOT going to be me!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 04/02/2017 19:09

Good for you? Sometimes it's ok to put yourself and you daughter first. You are not being selfish you are just not doing what she wants you to do.

How early is she taking it

WhatchaMaCalllit · 04/02/2017 19:17

What would happen if you had to be signed off work for stress?
I think you're coping particularly well but you might burn out and need time off at some point in the near future. The company that you're working for would have to sort it out.
What would they do if you dropped a hint to them that their constant pressuring of you to cover work is making you very stressed and making for an uncomfortable work environment?
The fact that you have been accommodating this far is making them think that you'll be available at the drop of a hat.
Best of luck to you with this.

TheAntiBoop · 04/02/2017 19:29

Well done for forwarding the email to hr. The behaviour of those around you is so unprofessional.

After your last thread I would be very wary of doing any favours for your colleagues as you don't seem to get anything but stress back. Maybe a few months of saying no and being completely inflexible will get managements arse into gear about actually managing their workforce!

diddl · 04/02/2017 20:03

" Colleague 3 isn't in Saturdays but was clearly informed because she has sent me a long bratty email listing all the reasons I should stop being selfish and work Sundays so she can take her leave early. "

That is absolutely disgusting.

Why does everyone seem to think that it's up to only you to cover maternity leave?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2017 20:22

So even after you'd said no again, they tried to escalate the pressure by bringing in a higher manager, then put the colleague in the picture who emailed abuse to you abut it??

Since the place is big enough to have an HR department, can I ask if you're in a union? Because this is beginning to look worryingly like harassment

Inertia · 04/02/2017 20:41

Colleague is really out of order to send you a nasty email. It isn't your responsibility to cover her mat leave, it's the job of your managers to employ somebody to do the cover.

I would put money on colleague ringing in sick tomorrow , and you getting a phone call either tonight or tomorrow asking you to go in and cover as an emergency. Unless you are contracted to be on call all weekend, I'd try to make sure you don't answer any communications from any work colleagues / managers tonight / tomorrow.

You are in the right here, and you are being unfairly pressured.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 04/02/2017 20:55

I remember your other thread OP
Well done on saying no and backing up her email. Will be interesting what they have to say about that.
Who did they have planned to cover her Sundays if she had gone when planned? I get the feeling they hadn't looked that far ahead and were planning on asking you! Shock

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2017 21:04

Totally agree with Inertia about not answering any calls/emails from work, and especially the reason why. No need for any explanation - you just didn't see/hear it and that's that

Familyof3or4 · 04/02/2017 21:09

No no no if you start it you'll never get out of it

pluck · 04/02/2017 21:15

Good for you, sending that over to HR. Now you'll find out if this nonsense is only in your department or if the attitude is pervasive in the company. Again, are you in a union? Alternatively, do you have legal cover as part of a mortgage/ house insurance deal? With their crazy demands, and your refusal of them, it sounds as though it's got to the point at which they either have to drop it or have it openly become bullying/ harassment/ constructive dismissal.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2017 21:45

Come to think of it, I'm not buying the thing about them not being able to find cover staff who'd do Sundays either ... more likely they realized that would cost more and saw no point in paying it if they could force OP to work instead Hmm

TataEs · 04/02/2017 22:04

good for u. stand your ground. the bratty email from 3 just shows you that you made the right choice. 3 would not have been grateful to u, she feels entitled to it. do not cover even one sunday ever. if u do there will always be more. you cannot get childcare. never.

Megatherium · 04/02/2017 23:08

I really don't understand why your colleague's ability to take maternity leave early should be solely dependent on you covering Sundays. If your employers want to accommodate it, it's up to them either to find an existing employee who is happy to do it - without putting massive pressure on them - or employ temporary cover. Tell her if she wants to send shitty emails she should address them to your employers, it's their responsibility, not yours.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/02/2017 05:43

I now remember your other thread. You wanted your religious Christmas Day off (January) in exchange for working on 25th December and work tried to stop you at the last minute because of maternity leave. This is bullying behaviour. I totally agree with joining a union if you can. I cannot believe the audacity of your colleagues and management singling you out.

diddl · 05/02/2017 08:36

"I really don't understand why your colleague's ability to take maternity leave early should be solely dependent on you covering Sundays."

Exactly!

Anyone would think that she has been told to find her own cover & can't take her ML until she does!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 05/02/2017 09:22

Well done - do not get sucked in to conversations where you have to help find solutions, this is not your problem! So don't suggest others might do it or they hire a temp etc, because then you are part of the solution finding team and it becomes your problem to sort.

Just repeat - "I can't do Sundays, I'm sure you'll find a solution." Don't get involved, state your position, you can't do it, not even once, it's not your job to fix it.