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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

453 replies

EssieTregowan · 03/02/2017 10:23

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

OP posts:
LongDivision · 03/02/2017 12:13

I've done similar, OP. I think you automatically and accidentally made the same self deprecating joke you would've made in her situation. I'm sure you're a decent person. I'm not sure if I'd have the courage to bring it up with her, but I'd be as nice and kind to her as possible from now on and hope she thinks she misheard!

SpikeGilesSandwich · 03/02/2017 12:14

Wine&CakeOP, I feel your pain. I started a thread about this very subject, I wasn't brave enough to admit one of the things I came out with that I'm ashamed of though because the woman seemed like she might be a Mumsnetter. I blush thinking about how I come across often, and wake up in the night in a cold sweat. It is truly horrible. You're brave to be writing a note, I always want to try to apologise but worry about making it worse or making a big deal if possibly it wasn't as bad as it seems in my head. Social anxiety is such a bugger.
Could be worse though, at least you have a nice big house to enjoy, I have a tiny, crumbling terraced house AND I'm a massive twat! Grin

quarkinstockcubes · 03/02/2017 12:15

There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite

Being a bit pedantic but the notion of a "starter" home is really annoying. For some of us they are actually intended to be our forever homes. I remember my first house and people saying it was "great as a starter" or a "first rung on the ladder" as if everyone aims on getting a 16 bed detached house. It made me feel as if my lovely home (to me) was really inferior or substandard to others.

TheLivingAsheth · 03/02/2017 12:15

I completely understand how you could have said that, as I could easily do the same thing. My thinking would go:

Must make conversation rather than just shoving this letter at neighbour
What can I talk about - well, the fact that this came to the wrong house. I guess whoever sent it must have made a mistake somehow.
I could do a little joke about that.
Ha, neighbour, the person who sent this sent it to the wrong house, they...
Where am I going with this? What difference is there between the two houses? Hmm, one is bigger, probably costs more...
They obviously thought you were better off than you are!
SHIT. I'm talking about my own house. Now I have said I am richer than neighbour. ARSE.

TheLivingAsheth · 03/02/2017 12:16

or in fact what LongDivision said is a better way of explaining it

DrinkReprehensibly · 03/02/2017 12:20

I've said so many stupid things that my new year's resolution was to keep my mouth shut.

Then again, not sure I've ever said anything quite that horrendous. Don't worry though, everyone loves to moan about neighbours and you've given her some good material for a really enjoyable moan about your snootiness with her friends. I doubt you will have seriously hurt her feelings because you don't really know each other. She will put it down to your ignorance and find it amusingly snooty.

DrinkReprehensibly · 03/02/2017 12:22

BTW, I'm not saying you ARE snooty, just that it might have been taken that way.

reuset · 03/02/2017 12:28

A bigger house doesn't make you 'better' in any way. But I think you know that. I can't believe anyone thinks like this. I'd go and apologise or pop a card through as you considered doing.

MercyMyJewels · 03/02/2017 12:30

The Tourettes suggestion has had me in hysterics for 10 minutes. (

OP, best to just say that you're so embarrassed, say stupid things sometimes due to social anxiety, you're very sorry and bring cake. Do it sooner rather than later as you will make yourself worse worrying about it Flowers

tigertorch · 03/02/2017 12:30

My friend's parents come from Sri Lanka and have a strong regional dialect.
Me: "What's your mum's first language?", Friend: "Um, English". Aaagh.

Even worse, DD had a group of friends over and we were talking about names while I dished up dinner. I asked one of them what her middle name was. Then mused absentmindedly: "Hmm, Lily Jane. That sounds so much nicer than Harriet Jane". Looked up to a group of 7 year olds staring at me. Harriet Jane was another member of the same friendship group.

WHY?? Still go cold when I think about it.

HateSummer · 03/02/2017 12:32

😱😱😱😱
How embarrassing. I'd move house now.

FireInTheHead · 03/02/2017 12:34

OP, I laughed and cringed for you when I read your post. Please don't be too upset. We ALL blurt out stupid things we instantly regret and wonder who got in our heads and took over our tongues and most of us don't even have social anxiety as an excuse.

One place I worked we had a handyman come in to do odd jobs. Lovely man but so flipping longwinded and tedious, he couldn't just do the job, he'd have to tell whoever he could trap us, in encyclopaedic handyman detail, exactly what he was going to do and how, what tools he was going to use, how many screws, what size screws - we used to call him Boring Bob amongst ourselves.

One day he was in the building fixing something and had asked my boss if anything else needed doing, boss brought him into my office and said: "Fire, have you got anything else for Boring Bob, I think you mentioned something?"

Boss knew what he'd said, I knew what he'd said, neither if us dared look at the other, a split second lasted an eternity when we each wished to just DIE. I think I covered it by immediately jumping in with 'loo seats - loo seats in the ladies - they're all loose, all of them." Don't think Bob even noticed, he just got very voluble about the wobbly loo seats and both my boss and I learned a lot about what it takes to fix them.

My own worst verbal gaff, still sometimes makes me wake cringing and face glowing in the early hours years on, was asking the gay barman in a straight-friendly drag revue club where to find the fag machine.

Hoppinggreen · 03/02/2017 12:36

I've got one!!
I genuinely thought that Surestart was for single parents or people on low incomes who were struggling or similar.
We had a Surestart worker come to the toddler group I went to in a pretty affluent rural part of town. She came and explained who she was to which I replied
" well I don't really think it's for people like US is it?" ( I'm not really posh but don't have a local accent)
Stunned silence from Surestart lady and other Mums

TheDowagerDuchessofDenver · 03/02/2017 12:37

You'll have to pretend you have tourettes until one of you moves. Next time you see her shout "fucking cunt" then explain you have tourettes.

I love the English. Only in England would yelling 'fucking cunt!' at someone be considered the polite way out of a social gaffe.

Flowers OP.

CripsSandwiches · 03/02/2017 12:39

Oh my god I've done something like this. I have a friend who is just a lovely lady, tried for ages to conceive her DD and put a lot of pressure on herself to be a perfect mum and really really wanted to breastfeed - did loads of research into it etc.

In the end she just had constant issues (tongue tie, infections, inverted nipples, medication for an unrelated condition etc) and just wasn't able to keep going.

She was telling me about how hard she had tried and how conflicted she was about eventually giving up, then mentioned how I'd done "so well to still be breastfeeding my 2 yo". What I mean to say was that I'd just got lucky and had had no issues and hadn't put half the effort into it as she had what I actually said was "it's not like it's hard". That was over two years ago and I still cringe. Luckily she knows me and my foot in mouth disease and understood what I meant but god why am I such an idiot.

minesapintofwine · 03/02/2017 12:39

I went to my uncles funeral the other day. He had died from a heart attack.

When asked by my cousin at the wake if I would like any more dc I ALMOST said 'my mother would have a heart attack'. Thanks to all gods I didnt say it but I did think whythefuck am I so socially inept Confused

The op is hysterical. How the hell do you apologise? But you should really Grin

littlewoodentrike · 03/02/2017 12:39

OMG, I am wetting myself! So offensive, but hilarious!

TheDowagerDuchessofDenver · 03/02/2017 12:40

If it's any consolation, I was once in a shop trying on a dress and trying to decide whether to buy it or not.
Oh, it's lovely! said the friendly salesgirl.
Yes, but you have to say that, you work here, I said.
She looked absolutely stricken. I still feel guilty about it years after.

Basicbrown · 03/02/2017 12:43

Seriously OP I doubt that Rebecca is really giving it that much thought. Other than she'll have a laugh about it at a couple of dinner parties I doubt she'll be mortally offended by it or it will ruin her life. I'd have just laughed and made some comment about mortgage size.

I honestly wouldn't apologise that looks odder imo. Particularly if you were noticeably horrified she'll have clocked that anyway.

brasty · 03/02/2017 12:46

I am terrible for saying things without thinking. This thread makes me feel better.
If I was the neighbour and got the note through my door, it would make me laugh. But yes, you do need to apologise. Maybe give her a link to this thread?

fascicle · 03/02/2017 12:46

I think an apology/note is overkill and might make a bigger deal out of something that the neighbour might not be giving too much thought to. If I was your neighbour, I would perhaps find your comment amusing, but nothing more - it's just one comment. She might just have been grateful that you redelivered her card.

If it still bothers you, you could just resolve to be smiley/friendly the next time you see her, so she can remember you for that.

Original poster
EssieTregowan · 03/02/2017 12:46

I don't think I'm going to say anything. I don't often see her anyway, and only in passing. I think PP are right in that it will only compound it if I try to apologise.

I can live with her thinking I'm a dick. Most people do anyway once they get to know me Grin

OP posts:
minesapintofwine · 03/02/2017 12:49

A couple of days ago one of the school mums was telling me about a drama going on in her life.

She loves Jeremy Kyle and said she was going home to watch it. I YELLED after 'you should be on Jeremy Kyle' in reference to the drama, except I didn't stipulate and can't be sure she and the rest of the street understood that. Blush

Basicbrown · 03/02/2017 12:49

I can live with her thinking I'm a dick

Most of us are dicks in our own way. Nice people look for the good in others, you took the trouble to take her card over - stick with the positives.

lionsleepstonight · 03/02/2017 12:57

Hilarious! hahahaah.

Nice to know there's someone else who says offending things unintentionally!