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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

453 replies

EssieTregowan · 03/02/2017 10:23

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 03/02/2017 12:57

The way you have written about the housing is a bit judgey tbh. I'm afraid your inner snob escaped. Maybe pause and deep breathing before you say something so crass again? Maybe a bunch of daffodils with a 'sorry, I had a foot in mouth moment'. You could leave them on her doorstep if you think you are likely to make it worse Sad

Athome77 · 03/02/2017 12:58

Is there a park type thing in between you and the starter homes? If so and you live in SN let me know I'm coming round with the wine!

HotWellies · 03/02/2017 13:02

I am an anxious blurter outer also. It is particularly bad with my DS's absolutely lovely headmistress. She will ask me a simple question and in response I blurt out all sorts of shit and overshare.

DearMrDilkington · 03/02/2017 13:08

Imagine how much worse it would have been if you fell over on your run to the doorShock.

It could have been worseGrin

Littlechip · 03/02/2017 13:10

Agree with King. Someone once said something similar to me (can't remember the exact detail but it was about whether I could afford to be shopping in the shop I was in) and I knew it was a slightly awkwardly phrased spur of the moment thing to say so I didn't really think any more of it. It was only when she apologised later that I started to feel a bit patronised. You might end up feeling even worse if you pursue it.
You have made us all smile, anyway!

PidgeyfinderGeneral · 03/02/2017 13:11

I once greeted a woman I hadn't seen for some time with the words, 'I didn't recognise you at all, you look amazing!'

Cringe.

HelenaGWells · 03/02/2017 13:12

If I got this note 'Oh my god I am actually dying at what came out of my mouth. No excuses but I don't know where that came from. I am a verbally incontinent idiot. Please forgive me.' My first thought would be "wow someone else as shite at talking as I am"

Mazanna123 · 03/02/2017 13:12

I would just leave it. The fact that it was in your head in the first place and you have called her house a "starter home" implies that you are a smug and consider yourself better off. I'm not sure anything you say could change that. You'll probably just end up making a cringe-worthy apology that make you feel better but her feel worse.

Katy07 · 03/02/2017 13:15

I have Aspergers and the attendant social anxiety and even live in a similar set-up to the OP (naice-ish semi opposite a HA block used as temp emergency accommodation) but it wouldn't have occurred to me to say something like that. Pretty sure I'd have mumbled something about the confusing street numbering. So I can't think social anxiety is entirely to blame.
Oh I don't know. I've got Asperger's & SA & I did something really similar to OP not that long ago. I've got a 4-bed place & it's in a close with houses of different sizes. Next door is a small place (2 bed just - really 1.5 beds). I was talking to the owner (and I always struggle to make intelligent conversation with her - utter bollocks just starts flowing from my mouth, I can't help it) and I managed to say something about her place being small, realised and then compounded the error by saying 'compared to mine'. Blush She does still speak to me though.
And on another occasion I was talking to a friend who had been responsible for doing strip searches & body cavity searches on prisoners for drugs. Without engaging brain I say 'cheap thrills for you then!' - I mean seriously!!! Like anyone is going to get turned on by that Blush Luckily they changed the topic of conversation & ignored what I'd said.
So it is soooooo easy to say things that you really don't think. And I reckon just ignoring it (and going out in the dark) is your best bet.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 03/02/2017 13:16

Is it smug to recognise the undoubted fact that the OP's house would go for more on the open market than the small terraced starter home Rebecca lives in? Isn't that just an unfortunate fact? OP has been perfectly frank here at acknowledging that she is there as a matter of luck.

I feel for you, OP. Personally, I would go over and apologise, but I'm sure it will be OK whatever you do. Worse things happen at sea.

mainlywingingit · 03/02/2017 13:19

Oh. My god. I had to the read what you said 4 times as I didn't get it.

Literally start the house search on rightmove.

Is this real?

AuntNancy · 03/02/2017 13:19

We were in a Costa on the M5 last night and the barista asked us if we were in the AA, because we could have had 10% (?) off our coffee, our WHS purchases - 'you'd have saved about four quid!" he said helpfully, to which I yelled, 'Don't tell me that NOW!' in what I thought was a humorously bantering tone, but which came out more aggressive than I intended. He looked shocked and I had to leg it out of the service station.

I wrote a glowing anonymous review of his flat white making skills on the Costa website because guilt gnawed away at me all up the M5.

I think I'd drop a note and some flowers over but would agonise over what to write for a whole day and then end up writing something like Here are some apology daffodils, I didn't nick them from someone's garden haha oh God

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 03/02/2017 13:19

I wouldn't go over, or leave a note... I would hide in my house forever!

(I also blurt out rubbish all the time!)

Boulshired · 03/02/2017 13:21

It is a sad reality, that under a certain age you have to be wealthier or high earning to live next door to older people who did not need the same wealth to buy. My NDN are a decade younger, earning more but living in a money pit shell of a house that they are struggling with. I do not have many under 35s where I am as they are usually not wealthy enough and I am mid forties but that decade was huge in equity growth. Really unfortunate wording.

GeordieShorefg · 03/02/2017 13:22

I think you should leave it op, there is nothing you can do or say without making it worse. the subject heading on this thread is hillareballs

misshelena · 03/02/2017 13:25

Aww Essie... leave her a note and tell her what you said here:
"I'm constantly feeling like a pretender on this estate and I worry that the people in the attached houses think I'm a snob."
And that you suffer from social anxiety. That'll explain where the thought even came from. Maybe also leave her a little box of chocolates along with the note. She can't be mad at you after that.

minesapintofwine · 03/02/2017 13:25

This thread has made me realise how much shit I spout. I've even been complained about in a previous job Blush Blush Blush

I reckon I spend my entire life trying not to talk crap. Only succeeding 50 % of the time. Surely there must be some self help for people like us??

Pandamonium · 03/02/2017 13:27

I feel for you OP. I used to do this as a child/teen but have got better as I got older. I can remember being 10-11 years old and saying to a neighbour who was pushing her third baby - about a year old - in the pram up the street 'I think stupid babies are much nicer than clever ones'. I mean wtf was I thinking? Idiot.

sparklewater · 03/02/2017 13:28

My bf once jauntily said to a man waiting for his dog to do a poo on the road; "Lucky dog, I wish I could do that!"

No idea what he was trying to say, but he was mortified for ages. It made my week!! Grin

MrsJayy · 03/02/2017 13:32

I said to my sister "there is no way you can wear that jacket it is far to tight" while she was wearing it Blush it just fell out of my brain and poured out of my gob

loopylou6 · 03/02/2017 13:32

My fil passed away Oct last year, we had a love/hate relationship.

After the funeral at the wake I said to my mum, " I'm actually gonna miss him"

"Behave yourself, you used to call him fit to burn" she says.

He'd just been cremated

BigTwit · 03/02/2017 13:34

I think shivering and cringing with fear and embarrassment every time the memory enters your head is punishment enough. Grin

minesapintofwine · 03/02/2017 13:34

Lucky dog, I wish I could do that! Grin

loopylou6 · 03/02/2017 13:34

Oooh look mrsjayy we posted at exactly the same time Grin

Katy07 · 03/02/2017 13:37

And there was the time that I made a real effort to be friendly & introduced myself to my mate's new girlfriend at his party - the whole 'you must be x'. Only probably was that she replied 'No, I'm y, his ex-girlfriend' (who'd I'd met before, spent part of an evening with and sadly didn't recognise!) oops Blush
The list is endless when I think about it.....

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