Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

[EssieTregowan]

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

Sorry OP this made me roar

You poor pet.

I hope you can sort it out.

Aw I feel for you, but I can see how anxiety can cause something like this to occur.

She hasn't yet Bantandec, which is why most of us are agreeing that she should.

As I said, I would be on Rebecca's side - then when (or if actually) she updated to say the OP had apologised, I would think it was brave etc.

I've thought about this and decided it's not actually that bad... REbecca knows she lives in a small terraced starter home and all her friends and family probably realise this is the rung of the property ladder she's on. She also knows the OP lives in a more expensive detached house across the road. To have mistaken the detached house for the more likely small terraced one, the person must have had high expectations of what R could afford.

It just didn't come out quite right... it just needs following up by an embarrassed "I'm sorry, that sounded better in my head!" I think it's obvious what was meant.

Don't say you are skint or mental!! Just say I have no idea why I said that and I feel really bad about it. Here have some flowers. She probably didn't even hear you properly!

Oh fuck OP. I feel for you, I really do.

You have to put this right in some way, do whatever you are the most comfortable with

Had R's house been the same as the OPs only completely rundown with a rusty car and crap on the drive, then the comment would have been horrendously inappropriate.

AGnu "Yes, drop in a note inviting her round. Do make sure to mention that being friends with you would be beneficial to her social standing..."

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

At least you realise what you said could be upsetting. DD had a friend at school. Tact was not a strong point of this friend's mum who, on collecting her from our house after she'd been for tea loudly announced 'Wow! Isn't your house tiny?! and then proceeded to laugh for 5 minutes. Her 6 year old DD looked absolutely mortified.
I'm sure you can redeem this - most decent people will accept a heartfelt apology for something like this. You'll laugh at it one day.

If Rebecca owns her starter home free and clear, she could possibly be in a better position than someone with a much bigger house with a big mortgage to match, Soup
It's not necessarily indicative of what anyone can "afford"; that's a completely relative term. We don't always spend up to the maximum we can afford to.

It is a crappy way to think. I get op blurted it out by mistake when she wouldn't have said it in the cold light of day; but the thought was there.

Oh lord! OP I cringed for you! Though I am also verbally incontinent!

Last week my boss and her MIL (am a nanny) said "oh I'll walk that way with you" so I sensibly replied "lets go bitches"...then instantly died on the spot....luckily after three years she just laughs and my stupidity...her MIL still hasn't spoken to me a week later...

And I've just remembered the time I was making small talk with a mum in the school playground who is about my size (an a size 24...and 5ft 6..this is important!) and admired her dress...she said she got it from primary so I replied "oh I didn't know they went that big..." cue horrific silence while I spouted some shit about I thought she wore tall clothes as she was sooo tall....hideous moment, hideous!!

Fucks sake I've gone red at the thought of it again!!

Write the URL of this thread on a piece of paper and post it through her letterbox. Then leave a cake on her doormat

A slightly different take on this from me

OP - personally I wouldn't bother apologising either in person or by a note. It really isn't that bad. Honestly. You don't really know how Rebecca took this and you risk drawing attention to something she may not have given more than 2 seconds thought to it.

To everyone lamenting about how awful it was, think of it this way:
imagine that it was you in that position. How long does it take to say those words? It's milliseconds. It is a moment's interaction in a day and the OP then disappeared at the same time as handing over a card.

The chances are that Rebecca was probably more focussed on the card and who it was from and why they left it at the wrong address didn't give more than a moments thought to what OP said.

Plus I think there is an element of projection here about what people would find sensitive personally. If someone said that to me, I would think they were trying to be funny and wouldn't give it a second thought myself. I don't live anywhere superswanky but I'm comfortably off and I really don't care what people think about their income relative to mine. For all you know Rebecca may not be remotely sensitive about her home, may have stacks of cash but choose to spend it other than on where she lives, may be renting because she is currently letting out her owned palace elsewhere.

To put it another way, if someone said to Emily Ratajowski she was ugly or fat, she probably wouldn't be dwelling on it - because it's of no consequence to her; she knows it's not true. It's only what you are sensitive about that bugs you. Plenty of people wouldn't really be that bothered by that kind of comment; it's really only keeping up with the Joneses types that would dwell on it. It's no big deal - honestly. It's not like you called her a Nazi or shouted racist verbal abuse in the street.

I think there is a very real chance that the neighbour won't be dwelling on this at all. If it bugs you so much OP that you feel that you must do something about it, I would wait until you next see your neighbour (don't go round there specially and don't leave a note), be friendly and WITHOUT mentioning what you said, just weave into the conversation that you can be socially anxious and sometimes get mortified by things you say. (If you wanted to maybe add that you find it difficult to make friends and you'd love to get to know her and ask her round for a coffee.)

That way, if what you said did make an impact on her, she'll have got the message. If it didn't and she's forgotten, you won't have made a situation worse by dragging it up.

I've been thinking about this and it may be not as bad as you think.. I used to live in a very naice road; only rented house (and teeny) house on the street. I knew we could never ever afford to buy there or live in any of the big houses. If one of my neighbours had have said that to me and then literally ran in and slammed the door I think I would've probably laughed tbh. I very rarely get offended by anything though.

What I mean is that I would've guessed it just fell out of your mouth without thinking

If it makes you feel better OP, we paid the same price for our house as our neighbour did, at the same time. When she realised this she said to me "i can't believe we paid the same price! Ours is so much nicer"

I found it quite funny, and she's now one of my best mates.

Just let it go!

This made my day.

I'm like you and say things like this cause I'm socially anxious. Easier said than done but let it go. I made a joke to a friend and realised it was actually really wishing death on someone inadvertently. It happens.

I doubt she's thinking anything of it

Yup definitely need to move. Or blame Gin.

It is a crappy way to think. I get op blurted it out by mistake when she wouldn't have said it in the cold light of day; but the thought was there

I agree. The assumption that someone in a terraced house is poor or must aspire to something less attached in the future is judgemental.

This made me howl. I can see how social anxiety has played in this. Just explain that you're prone to verbal diarrhoea at times . I would say sorry asap though, you'll both feel shit otherwise

King, I was just about to post the same. Under no circumstances do I think you should drop a note or discuss it with her. You would be drawing attention to what you said (almost underlining it!) and running the risk that you make her feel worse. She may not have registered what you said, we are all a lot less important to other people than we realise . Addressing it will make you feel better but that's not the important thing in this scenario. If someone said that to me I would not feel self conscious about my house I would just think you were a bit of a knob, I think you may have to live with that.

My DH asked our neighbours "When are you going back to Poland?"meaning when is your next visit/holiday there. They took it as meaning when are you planning to go back for good. .
He explained it was a misunderstanding and on the 24th June we apologised for the UK's's big Brexit ballsup.

I wouldn't worry, you don't even know her, just smile and wave whenever you see her.