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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

453 replies

EssieTregowan · 03/02/2017 10:23

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 03/02/2017 15:15

I was in the playground last summer and some mum's were chatting about all the artwork that came home. One said she had all her dd's in a box in the loft but worried if they cleared the loft out her brothers would have more in their boxes. I piped up with "it won't matter to you as you'll be dead". I've got aspergers but still shows why I need to really think before I speak.

HotWellies · 03/02/2017 15:21

Oh Mezzanine. Blush

I have told this before too - but I once asked the wife of a very Very VIP if she enjoyed living in the country we were living in at the time. She explained that she lived in the UK but came over often to see her DH.I piped up brightly with 'Oh, has he trafficked you in for sex?'

(I was working on a sex trafficking project at the time, so it was on my mind, but I mean- really ??!! )

Never got invited to an Embassy cocktail party again.

MollyHuaCha · 03/02/2017 15:24

If it's any comfort, I once met someone at a school function for the first time and she told me her family had recently moved to a home near the school. Before I knew it, my mouth had opened and out came "Oh, they are lovely little houses...". I looked at her and she looked at me. We were both thinking "little". No I don't know why I said it either. We exchanged a few seconds more if pleasantries and then moved on to mingle separately with other people.

Mommawoo · 03/02/2017 15:29

I do this so often i've actually stopped being embarrassed about it now. Just yesterday I walked into a family members home and declared "wow its really clean in here, are you expecting someone?" I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me as i'm not really anxious, just an arsehole I think.

The80sweregreat · 03/02/2017 15:29

blogwoman, thats funny! I would have laughed too - same with msqueen and her dead comment - but i feel others pain and have empathy with people, because i do these type foot in month things all the time. It is dying out a bit though, most people are quick to judge these days and not give the benefit of the doubt, so i have gone quieter over the years.
Also depends on the person your dealing with, some spikey people i know would never let anything drop. ( my MIL springs to mind.)

AuntNancy · 03/02/2017 15:31

if it makes anyone feel better, here's a view from the other side...

I was at a wedding myself a few years ago, and a friend of a friend guest started asking me how my little ones were. I politely said that DP and I didn't have children (we were trying, unsuccessfully) - did he mean our dogs? No, no, he said, your children! Ha ha! I said, less happily, that we didn't have children, and he went into a whole spiel about how sure he was that we did, how could he have got that idea, did my DP have children with someone else (?!?!?!).

I extracted myself from the conversation as swiftly as I could before I burst into tears.

I sometimes wonder if he remembers that with as much cringing as I do my own faux pas but I suspect not. And in return for a moment's Angry he gave me an epic wedding anecdote (I name names when telling it in real life, and he's quite well known), so I wasn't scarred for life.

HotWellies · 03/02/2017 15:36

Oh- and i might out myself here as I have told this to many IRL. I was an 'older mother' when I got pg, and DH is older also. I mentioned this to my midwife at the booking appointment and she said;'Oh well, I always think as long as the combined age of the parents isn't over 90 it does not matter'.

[tumbleweed]

She was horrified at herself, but actually I pissed myself laughing- mainly at the look on the poor woman's face.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 03/02/2017 15:38

If you see her just say ' Sorry about the other day. My mouth is quicker than my brain sometime...'

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 03/02/2017 15:43

we are skint and I'm mental

There's a username in there somewhere....

nigelforgotthepassword · 03/02/2017 15:44

😂

Floggingmolly · 03/02/2017 15:47

The trouble with any apology op can make now is that they're all based around I didn't mean to SAY it...
You know the old adage; "Every time you open your mouth you let people look into your mind". It was in there, and Rebecca knows it.
Let it go.

nigelforgotthepassword · 03/02/2017 15:48

Honestly op it was just a mistake. And you probably didn't say it in a. Horrible way whilst clutching your pearls, so if rebecca had half a brain and will just assume you got muddled and said something odd rather than that you are a raging snob.It'll
Be fine...don't worry

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2017 15:51

We were driving abroad once and went through a McDonald's drive through, after ordering the burger meals, the server said "do you want any dressing with that " clearly meaning sauces. My husband responded yes, and so the server said "what type",,, you could literally see husbands brain freeze then whir as he thought of a type of dressing and then he blurted out loudly like he'd won the prize. "French!!"

The mcdonalds sever said "eh, we don't do French dressing" . My daughter and I honestly laughed for hours and still Rib him on it.

TiredAndRavenous · 03/02/2017 15:53

Your lucky the neighbour didn't knock you out! All people in terraced started homes are famous for there chavy Jeremy Kyle lifestyles, she's obviously not going to invite you round for lambrini anytime soon 😂

Hehe only joking op, you do need to apologise as
That was just wrong on so many levels, but we all have been there 🍷

blueirishues · 03/02/2017 16:05

Well, I'm not sure on this one.

On the one hand, absolutely, we all put - or nearly do - put our feet in it, and that's all just life.

But OTOH I do sometimes wonder if some of this is a 'mumsnet thing' like boys in dresses. As I don't encounter it in RL much, and I do have a brother with autism who is known for it but even he isn't quite as extreme as some of theee examples.

It's a bit like the 'hoo hoo ha ha ha guess what my toddler said - I was sooo embarrassed' threads. They always become a way to be socially acceptably racist. I suspect this may be an opportunity for OP to be socially acceptably snobbish, cloaked as 'social anxiety.'

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2017 16:08

I suspect this may be an opportunity for OP to be socially acceptably snobbish, cloaked as 'social anxiety.'

Narnian · 03/02/2017 16:08

I met a group of dog walkers in the park when walking my dog. They were standing round chatting and welcomed me into their group. Another man walking two little dogs came near to the group and it turned out that all of the group had had run-ins with him, he liked to shout at other dog owners apparently and was very protective of his dogs.

As I left the park I saw said man yelling at a woman. The woman looked upset and rolled her eyes as I looked at her. Now in my defence I was trying to make her feel better. I said "take no notice of him. The other dog walkers say he's a misery and really precious about his dogs". She looked at me in fury and said "he's my partner. Who's been saying that?” with a face like Angry.

I've avoided the park ever since.

5moreminutes · 03/02/2017 16:09

We all do this, but my mother is a master and I never can tell whether she just says random odd things with disengaged brain or is having a dig at me...

The other day she told me my DC's very normal childish food preferences were just like her friend's son, and rolled seamlessly on to add that her friend's son died of unexpected heart failure in his teens... Shock then kept digging by repeatedly saying that she hadn't meant to worry me and was sorry she'd said it Hmm It didn't worry me but did irritate me.

blueirishues · 03/02/2017 16:09

I don't think it's a conspiracy Bluntness. It's more - 'I said something that is both rude and really rather spiteful' (remember OP said specifically that Rebecca didn't have much money, or words to that effect) and - what? I'm not sure. Justifying it?

Fontella · 03/02/2017 16:10

We have all been there OP

Oh yes ... more times that I care to remember!

Like when two of us went to see a third friend who was very poorly in hospital. I was so shocked at her appearance and the first thing I said to her was 'oh my god, you look terrible'.

Confused

She did, she looked terribly ill and that's because she was and .... obviously knew it and felt it!

The other friend gave me an almighty dig in the ribs with her elbow to shut me up, and gave it to me both barrels when we got outside. "You bloody idiot, you don't go and see someone who is very, very ill in hospital and tell them how awful they look".

I was absolutely mortified and obviously apologised later when poorly friend, thankfully recovered, but still shudder when I think back on it!

KayTee87 · 03/02/2017 16:11

Omg sorry op but I'm pissing myself laughing 😂😂😂 what an idiot you are!!
You have to apologise!

NoelHeadbands · 03/02/2017 16:15

I'm really quite surprised at all the tears-eyed 'hilarity' about the Tourette's suggestion. I thought we'd got past all that some time ago, obviously not.

NoCapes · 03/02/2017 16:17

I'm about to make you allllll feel better - you ready?

Took the kids to the cinema, so after I'd bought the tickets, 3 boxes of popcorn and 3 drinks I was juggling them all, my arms were completely full
So we get to the bit where the guy stamps your ticket and tells you where your screen is
I couldn't navigate the tickets out of my arms properly to hand them over and he would have to reach in between my drinks to get them, in way of explanation the phrase I came up with was "oh sorry I've got no arms!" ...
The cinema worker was disabled and yep, he had short arms and only one hand
He looked at me like Hmm and just said "screen 4 on the left"

I never returned to that cinema Blush - I don't even know if they'd let me in tbh Blush

blueirishues · 03/02/2017 16:23

Yup, here they come.

The80sweregreat · 03/02/2017 16:25

the thing is capes you didnt know he was disabled did you? you didnt say it to be rude or anything , you were juggling cinema food ( which is always bulky or flimsy packaging) and 2 children too, no easy feat. its just the sayings we say isnt it?
i am sure they will let you back in!!
life, so hard to navigate sometimes. i still get it all wrong at my age.