Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

[EssieTregowan]

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

Bet she thought so too.

Which is why the OP is so embarrassed and ashamed of herself. Not saying "look at me, aren't I hilarious?".

AuntNancy if that was me, I would be worried I looked like a lush! Assuming he meant Automobile Association and not Alcoholics Anonymous. Worrying that alcohol is at the forefrunt of my mind

Front, not frunt..

Poor you op. So many funny posts.

When ds brought a girlfriend home to stay I was so nervous I kept getting her name wrong. It was Justine and I called her jenine, Caroline and Christine! Ffs no idea why but she was a bit of a scary right on tree hugger.

When they split up she told ds his mother was a bitch and did it on purpose. I didn't just nervous.

So glad they split up. He's married a cracker now.

I think the point has been made here repeatedly Cara, that most you and other practically-perfect-in-every-way individuals excepted people have dropped at least one potentially offensive verbal grenade in their time.
Yeah, maybe it's a sign of deeply-held but usually firmly suppressed subconscious fears/prejudices/snobberies/racism/homophobia/sexism bubbling to the surface or maybe it's just a momentary social interaction slip up with no malice aforethought. The fact the OP recognised immediately that she fucked up and was mortified by the fuck up is very much in her favour.

cara

You are Rebecca arnt you!

And because it's crass, it's why we're all piling in to comfort her with similar tales of idiocy that genuinely come out of nowhere. To err is human.

Omg you poor thing! Are you my mum OP?

This thread reminded me of !

Honestly OP, try not to worry too much about it. Most people say silly things that they don't mean at some point, and most people understand that.

If it helps, what I've done is take my propensity for things coming out the wrong way and used it to filter friends. Now I am left mainly with friends which are empathetic, easy going and generally funny (or at least, have the same sense of humour as me).

I also said to a pregnant friend who had 2 boys 'oh are you hoping for a girl'

In my defence I had 2 boys and was desperate for a girl but felt an absolute fucking idiot and a dick head quite rightly. Her third boy is now 13 and she's still frosty with me.

Aaaaaand, I still get cold chills thinking about a friend's wedding, where I called the bride's mother Sarah (NAMES CHANGED) all day, despite knowing somewhere at the back of my mind that the bride's mother was in fact called Kathy, and Sarah was the name of the OW-turned-second-wife. God. I am cringing now, remembering.

Let the person who has never said anything inadvertently hurtful cast the first aspersion!

We've all said something stupid sometimes, OP.

Next time you see her, I would go over and apologise and say "I'm so sorry, I meant to say whomever sent it was probably hoping to see you and thought you were less BUSY than you are, and it came out terribly wrong. I'm not Hyacinth Bucket, please forgive me".

aunt the trouble comes when you make the first mistake and are so hung up about doing it again you confuse yourself and do it anyway.

whydid And also when everyone is terribly English and DOESN'T CORRECT YOU. Gah.

My boss asked me if my DH wanted to be in their fantasy football league.

I said, "Oh no, he doesn't like football, he has brains "

I meant that DH was nerdy, geeky, into technology rather than sport (although I am sure the two aren't mutually exclusive) but it came out very, very wrong.

At the library I returned a couple of overdue books. The librarian looked at me and asked if I wanted to pay the fine in instalments. The fine was £1.19.

I did not feel finely attired.

This reminds me of a poster on here who worked with special need people, she accidently signed off her email to them, "kind retards" instead of regards

I once said to someone that their grandchild was lovely and looked just like her (at a parent/carer toddler group). As a woman who gave birth to her last child at 40, why did I say that?

Yes, it was her child.

Cringing still as I write this and it was 12 years ago.

Loving "Oh no, I had land"! I also have social anxiety, sometimes my voice actually shakes when I'm speaking to someone new which is really embarrassing. I also said something twattish to my friend who works from home recently like "some of us have to go out to work". Was not thinking of her situation at all, just criticising the school for having loads of special assemblies but it came across really badly. Luckily she still likes me though!

I think the finest example of that phenomenon, AuntNancy, is the Fawlty Towers episode with the Germans - "Don't mention the war."

I've told this one before.

A younger colleague in my office said she could hear an unexplained, high pitched buzzing sound. I couldn't hear anything.

I meant to say something about how younger people can hear higher tones than older people. This got mixed up in my head with the high pitched dog whistles that people can't hear.

What came out of my mouth was "Maybe only dogs can hear it."

Her jaw sort of dropped. I was too paralysed to apologise or explain.

Never. Mentioned. Again.

We have all been there OP.
It's so embarrassing. you said it because you have been there and in general I don't think if I were Rebecca I would feel bad. I would find it funny and see that you said it because you have been there yourself once and as it was hard work, the best way was to laugh on it now. Something ali g these lines.
If t makes you feel better, I once had a really really awful slip
I had been reading about a missing child and had also gone back to have a look at a famous case of a lost child over internet. In fact, I had some free time at work and was browsing exactly this when one colleague ran out of the office crying, after receiving a phone call.
We informed her manager right away as she basically took her bag and left the building crying so we wanted to make sure if she is fine. Another colleague in my office found the reason before us and came in to say "her friend's little baby died this morning". I was fully absorbed in my work at that point and only heard the word "baby". As all of the "missing children" reports were already roaming round my head, I panicked and asked "what?" She repeated the info and guess what I said?? "Thank god it's not missing"
You can imagine the looks. I still can't believe it myself. I do believe that at least a death gives you closure compared to the nightmare of having a child missing and not knowing what happened to them.
But that was the most embarrassing sentence I have ever said probably.

@ Mezzanine

Oh dear OP I feel for you. But there are some funny foot-in-mouth incidents being shared here.
I did a terrible one many years ago. A gay colleague was telling us about something that had made him feel very embarrassed. I meant to say "I bet you wished the ground could have swallowed you up" but my twisted brain instead sent to my mouth "I bet you wished there was a hole you could slip into..."
Luckily he collapsed with laughter, lovely man that he was.