To want to unfriend

[Londonjam]

My three oldest, closest friends bonded at secondary school and have been close ever since.

One of them has increasingly become difficult for me to be around and I find myself wanting to cut contact with her more and more.

She is very competitive - particularly with me. She constantly finds ways to mention how much her flat is worth, how much her husband earns, how much his bonus was. She even competes about ridiculous things like how much annual leave she gets and when they were buying a new car she even asked me what size our car engine is. One of the most ridiculous lines was after the birth of her child she said her husband said her vagina felt even tighter during sex as they stitched her up so well. I can't believe I'm even typing this - but she said it.

Things seem to happen easily for her. She met her husband "in a bar" they got engaged within a year, married and then had a baby in quick succession. She says they conceived the first time they tried.

I have since found out from one of her husbands friends that they met online - so I know she has lied about that. I'm sure she has lied about more.

My husband and I have had our ups and downs. He took his sweet time proposing to me (9 years) - during which time I saw this friend meet, get engaged and marry her DH. We have been trying for a baby for over a year - something I've wanted very badly all my life - and the disappointment every month is crushing. We have struggled to buy our own home , saving and saving for years and are finally doing it now.

I try not to compare myself to her - we have our own separate lives - but it's hard when she shoves it in your face all the time. Since she found out where we are buying she has said repeatedly how much she loves our road, it's the perfect road, they are looking on our road. It's like she knows it would wind me up and it's her way of spoiling the one positive thing we have going on.

I think she's also trying to make me think she's pregnant again as whenever I see her or hear from her she says things like "I am sooooooooooooo tired all the time, why am I so tired??? My boobs hurt that's weird. Etc etc etc". Why do this???

I could tolerate her before but now I'm having to cope with not conceiving it's just too much and I feel like I'm spending too much mental energy on her. I get so angry and upset thinking about her emails and messages. I never ever contact her by the way - it's always her messaging me.

I guess I just want some advice on what to do about it. Do I say something? If so what and how? It would also impact painfully on the friendship group. How do you unfriend someone???

You have to feel a bit sorry for her. She is more concerned with appearing to be happy than actually being happy. Because friendships and relationships are so valuable and she is creating distance in hers by constructing a moat around herself. To be so competitive with people who have less than she has (less, in her eyes, not less full stop).
I think she is jealous of your secure identity. She must sense that you're comfortable with YOURSELF, you have less necessity to be validated, by a husband, by an employer, by an expensive flat or a tight vagina. LOL.

I had a friend like this years ago. An acquaintance from school. While everybody else was swapping mobiles and ringing each other over their chips outside abrekebabra at 2am, she was being brought on picnics on the beach for lobster and beer, and dancing by the moonlight and her fiance proposed by the champs elysee or something like that. Can't remember.

Isn't there an old saying- "those who shout the loudest usually have the least to say"? She is toxic and bringing nothing to your life. I'd start to ghost her if I were you. And remember the grass isn't always greener- there are some people who thrive on only showing you the amazing parts of their lives, and they aren't the kind of people I like to be my friends!

This ^ Toxic people deserved the very best ghosting you can give.

Why confront someone when you can just avoid them til they get the message?

Tell her you are thinking about moving too. You are getting a bit fed up of (invent a minor issue like noise or lack of shops) in your area and you really fancy moving to (insert area quite a distance from you) because it seems like it would be better for family life/has more going on. Say you don't know much about the estate agents in your area so she can let you know how she finds them, to help you choose when you come to put your house on the market.

I bet you anything she will instantly transfer her attention to the place that she thinks you really want. You could even link her to a house or two that you are (pretending) considering.

Thanks for your replies. I haven't opened the message - it's WhatsApp and I don't want her to see I've seen it. Will leave it a few days and then reply something vague.

Ugh I wish she would just leave me alone!

Arghhh reflexology is one I haven't tried. I've done acupuncture which was so relaxing but no miracle BFP. Will look into reflexology as it sounds nice and relaxing.

Superflyhigh I've been thinking worst case scenario if she does move to our area or road then I can still just avoid and ignore. It would be more difficult but not impossible!

Love the fire / oxygen analogy. I will withhold!

Timtam the problem with the area / road is that we are just buying our first place there now - haven't yet exchanged contracts. I kept very quiet about buying and didn't tell her because I knew what she would be like. She found out from mutual friends and all of a sudden wants to buy in same area and our road just happens to be her favourite road...

I saw a very good old mutual friend yesterday who said frenemy had a viewing of a house on our road last week but decided it was too big and needed too much work. Apparently she is considering other areas too though. I'm cross I'm wasting any mental energy on her still!

I think there's part of her that wants to steal our thunder. She hates the attention not being on her! So us buying means she has to buy again and buy something bigger. She also got pregnant just before our wedding and I'm pretty sure did tell some friends on our wedding day that they were expecting. When they bought a car she asked me how big our car engine is! Honestly there is nothing she won't compete over.