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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to ask whether people still feel judged breastfeeding in public?

169 replies

Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 17:46

What are people's experiences of bf in cafes, shops, etc?

I am taking my newborn out more regularly now. I've noticed there are lots of mums out and about in Starbucks, M&S, local cafes etc, but very few breastfeeding their babies. In fact I am the only one I have seen (normal town centre). It doesn't make me feel awkward but I am curious about why this is. I know around 20% of mums are bf by 6 weeks so I would have expected to see fewer mums feeding their babies this way, but am surprised to see none.

I'm wondering whether people are feeding at home or mixed feeding when they go out? Whether they feel there is still public censure about bf in public?

Please no comments about how people choose to feed other than as relevant to the thread (how it feels to feed in public).

OP posts:

Sammythecrab · 03/02/2017 04:57

I deliberately went out with my 3week old to breastfeed in a friendly cafe to get confidence.
Feed my 5month old anywhere and have had positive comments, mostly from older ladies.
One nice but awkward young male waiter in cafe rouge. I think he was so scared to say/do the wrong thing he was massively overcompensating.
I've also felt more judged bottle feeding. DS has gaviscon in a bit of formula during some feeds. You get weird looks bf then bottle too.

SingingInTheRainstorm · 03/02/2017 05:00

The main thing is you are feeding your baby how you choose. It really is no one else's decision. Plus regulations are in place so that there should be no discrimination. The more you make yourself aware or scan around to see if anyone is looking, the more anxious you'll be, which DC will pick up on.

AlcoholicsUnanimous · 03/02/2017 05:50

Like the majority of PPs, I've only encountered positive comments here in the UK. I've fed my DD everywhere, on the bus, tube, museums, restaurants and no one seems to mind.

Breastfeeding whilst on holiday in the US was a different matter.

Spottyladybird · 03/02/2017 05:50

I've fed both of mine everywhere. DD I fed until 2Y.9m but she dropped daytime feeds from 10m, DS is 10 weeks. I feed him everywhere and don't really worry about covering etc. It's more of a faff trying to keep covered though.

notanothernamechangebabes · 03/02/2017 06:08

I don't think there's a coffee shop in my area that hasn't had the pleasure of my boob... And a fair few pubs too! DS is a greedy monkey so if I'm sat down while we're out... We're going to end up feeding. Never bothered me what people thought- have had loads of people say nice things and strike up conversations - from an elderly Chinese lady in a waitrose cafe who told me she was pleased I could feed my baby as she hadn't been able to feed hers, to a nice bloke in a sproncey suit who came dashing over with tissues when DS started choking and brought milk up all over me (overactive letdown)... Waiters and waitresses are especially kind. only had a couple of funny looks but as I reckon it's a small price to pay for the convenience of BF-Ing.

NettleCake · 03/02/2017 06:14

Thanks to support and encouragement on here, I BF everywhere including restaurants, trains and walking around public places (baby in carrier). Never really felt judged until she was about 14months, then had some stares! still BF in public now if she wants it.

jellypi3 · 03/02/2017 07:03

I'm breastfeeding my 1yo and she's always been a voracious booby monster. I've fed pretty much everywhere I've been; trains, planes, supermarkets, cafe's, museums, theatres.

I believe it's all down to personal preferences. When i was pregnant i couldn't imagine pulling a boob out to feed. I even bought one of those covers. But my daughter hated being covered and when I went out to register her with my husband and she cried for a feed I just did what instinct told me to do. I chose costa because they claim to be bf'ing friendly but i have honestly never had a negative comment.

Although I do get stares i tend to stare back and most people look away when i do that.

SuperSheepdog · 03/02/2017 07:12

I bfd both of mine in public. I did it discreetly and tended to be in bf friendly cafes. Once a couple of older women seemed a bit pissed off but I just smiled and ignored, I was being subtle and doubt they'd have preferred a crying baby!

winniewigs · 03/02/2017 07:17

I think that a lot of the time, bfing is going on, and no one else even notices. The only time I wasn't sure of myself, was bfing on holiday. We were in a theme park in Florida, and I sat on a wall to feed ds, who was around 5mo at the time. I just became aware that I wasn't familiar with the rules or attitudes in Florida. As it was, everyone just walked past, minded their own business, and didn't seem to even notice us sitting there.

Mindtrope · 03/02/2017 07:23

I have never felt judged, a little unsure to start with, but I have breastfed for a total of 7 years and never had a bad comment.

People may have had their inner thoughts, but that's their problem, not mine.

MetalMidget · 03/02/2017 07:25

To date, I've only had one or two positive comments - everyone else either doesn't notice or doesn't care!

SharkBastard · 03/02/2017 07:29

Breastfed DD everywhere and anywhere for 14 months, never ever got anything negative, mainly positive. I was most disappointed (I love a good debate).

That was 9 years ago, I'm planning on breastfeeding this one (due in April) and hoping for a bit of a row but doubt I'll get it ;)

TiredBefuddledRose · 03/02/2017 07:39

It seems to be those with blogs who have most of the negative experiences breastfeeding in public.

Witchend · 03/02/2017 08:02

I bf for 10years in total and I never felt uncomfortable. (didn't usually bf when out once they were over about 18months because they only fed night/first thing/nap).

Only time I remember getting any comments that weren't positive was in PC world, where I was sitting on a display chair.
Young lad came over and offered the managers office for me. In a nice gentle, would you like, kind of way. I said don't worry.
He disappeared for a minute or two and returned in a bit of a flap, and said (again nicely) would I mind moving because they needed to move the display I was sitting on!
I was taken to a quiet room and supplied with coffee and biscuits while dh browsed. Twas great.

ToastyFingers · 03/02/2017 08:58

Haha, maybe, I live in a small town and got a multitude of funny looks. I stopped feeding dd1 in public after about a year, and only did it rarely with dd2. Dd2 napped a lot so it was easier to time outing for when she was asleep.

I live in the sort of place where any defining characteristic gets latched onto, and you become 'that one'.

I honestly only know 2 people IRL who breastfed past the age of one, I actually had a usually quite liberal friend tell me that bf past a year was purely for comfort and not necessary at all (as an aside, her ds still had a bottle and a dummy at 3. No judgement, just think its a little hypocritical)

Itsnotmesothere · 03/02/2017 09:08

Hi. DS is now 12 months old and it's only in the past few months that I have felt ok breastfeeding in public. DS is very good at it and most of the time I don't feel it's too difficult to get him to latch discreetly. When he was younger I took him to nursing rooms and cringe bathrooms if there were no nursing rooms. If we were going out to lunch and I had prepared well enough, I would express a bottle as the idea of him getting hungry, crying and latching on would fill me with anxiety. When I breastfeed in public I always have a muslin cloth, it's kind of like my comfort blanket. However as DS is now 12 months he can get distracted so sometimes I have to take him to the peace and quiet of a nursing room

Itsnotmesothere · 03/02/2017 09:12

I'd also like to add that now I worry about being judged because DS is getting older but I plan to do it until around the 20 month mark.

MrsD28 · 03/02/2017 09:30

I have breastfed 8 month old DS everywhere - cafe, park, restaurant, museum, bus, tube, library, bus stop. I always wear nursing tops so it is easy, but have never used a cover or muslin. I have always been pretty prudish, so thought that I would be embarrassed to breastfeed in public - but I am not bothered at all. I did feel embarrassed right at the beginning, but only because I was struggling to get DS to latch and I was worried that people would think I was a rubbish mum.

MamaHanji · 04/02/2017 09:26

Agree with previous posters

I definitely had a lot more negative comments when formula feeding my first than breastfeeding my second. Especially when you are adding gaviscon to the bottles.

'You wouldn't have to do that if you breastfed. That stuff is as good as poison.'

Actually random lady in the opticians, I would still have to as severe reflux is to do with the oesophagus, not the 'poison' I'm feeding her.'

There's something about pregnancy and babies that seem to make everyone feel they can get involved and -shove- offer their opinions down your throat.

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