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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to ask whether people still feel judged breastfeeding in public?

169 replies

Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 17:46

What are people's experiences of bf in cafes, shops, etc?

I am taking my newborn out more regularly now. I've noticed there are lots of mums out and about in Starbucks, M&S, local cafes etc, but very few breastfeeding their babies. In fact I am the only one I have seen (normal town centre). It doesn't make me feel awkward but I am curious about why this is. I know around 20% of mums are bf by 6 weeks so I would have expected to see fewer mums feeding their babies this way, but am surprised to see none.

I'm wondering whether people are feeding at home or mixed feeding when they go out? Whether they feel there is still public censure about bf in public?

Please no comments about how people choose to feed other than as relevant to the thread (how it feels to feed in public).

OP posts:

JellyWitch · 02/02/2017 20:01

I still occasionally bf the 2.5 year old when we are out. I don't think twice about it now!

Obviously with little babies it's inevitable and much more frequent. The more you do it, the easier it gets. I don't think I've ever had a negative comment. The hardest bit was with a distractible 4-5 month old.

MGFM · 02/02/2017 20:05

BF all the time in public. Once in a sofa shop - sales man midway through his shpeel lol. I used to cover up with a huge Muslin with my first DS but now with a toddler etc there usually isn't time for that - I wear a vest top underneath whatever jumper I have ok. Vest top down, jumper up. Pretty discreet I think. I have been slightly embarrassed when out with a group of mums and one gets out their BF hood and I just crack ok without any cover.

LotisBlue · 02/02/2017 20:17

I have bf both of mine wherever and whenever they needed it.
No one has ever commented either positively or negatively, but I live in an area where bf is the norm.

I think once you get proficient at it then it isn't very noticeable.

Crumbs1 · 02/02/2017 20:18

Fed 6 children for circa 2 years each about 16-25 years ago. Only ever had two comments or looks. One was my mother who volunteered a lavatory in a tea shop when I started feeding whilst we had lunch. Mind you she was so,repressed she left the room if I fed in front of my husband and foster son. Other one was an old lady in a church where I was using the free seating sit on to feed. She just hugged a bit. Never ever had any other reaction really. I don't get all the comments about people being rude, demanding you go elsewhere etc.

MamaHanji · 02/02/2017 20:19

My little one is 9 weeks and I breastfeed in public. I have had quite a few looks and a couple of loud tuts of disapproval. I fed in cafe Nero the other day and a lady kept trying to catch my eye and scowl at me, I just kept smiling at her and inching my top further up to show more of my sinful bosom. But I am quite a confrontational person, so it doesn't bother me at all. I was eating with my cousin and she looked at me in shock and said 'aren't you going to put a blanket over her head' I said 'I will if you do'.
She went bright red and carried on eating her toastie with her head uncovered.

SockQueen · 02/02/2017 20:19

I'm more comfortable doing it in public in front of strangers than I would be with e.g. male friends. I couldn't care less what people I'm never going to see again think of me, but can imagine that for some of my friends it might feel a bit more awkward - though they're all polite enough not to say anything. I've had a couple of funny looks but nobody's ever said anything to me. Would never feed in a toilet.

katienana · 02/02/2017 20:23

I'm bfing my second ds who is now 9 months. I've fed him all over the place - the beach, cafes, restaurants, church, shopping centres, fairground, parks, playgroup, Anywhere he's been hungry. Same with my eldest. Never had a negative comment. A lot of the time no one would even know.

RingringWhoIsIt · 02/02/2017 20:23

I very often felt alone though. I remember being in a large food court and every other baby was visibly bottle feeding. I don't care how other babies feed so it's not that, more I felt like an awkward outlier...

I know what you mean. It must very much depend on where you live. Seems (judging by some posts above) like there are areas where lots of women breastfeed but I've not experienced that. It wasn't until I joined a Facebook breastfeeding group that I stopped feeling that sort of lonliness about it.

RingringWhoIsIt · 02/02/2017 20:23

loneliness*

oblada · 02/02/2017 20:25

I breastfed my two everywhere till abt 2yrs old I'd say (first DD stopped at 5yrs old but only fed at home evening/morning, second DD still feeding at 2.5yrs old but doesn't need it often when out). I'm generally comfortable with it. It wasn't always the case though and I struggled initially. However I'll ask say that with 1st DD I wouldn't have been going out and about much until she was 3-4months old for various reasons (confidence, issues whilst bf etc) and at that sage the rates of exclusive bf are v low in the UK...

Original poster

Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 20:27

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

I am getting more confident about doing it. It was more about issues getting her to latch early on and having people staring, but she is a good feeder now so I am less worried.

to anyone who has experienced any hostility towards their feeding, whether breast or bottle. Thankfully it sounds as though this is relatively rare.

OP posts:

MollyHuaCha · 02/02/2017 20:30

In Sweden you will see two or three br-feeding women in every cafe and coffee shop you go in.

foxessocks · 02/02/2017 20:30

With my first baby I mostly timed feeds so that I didn't feed in public or I used feeding rooms. I think I fed in public twice and I never even fed in front of any family except dh. This time round I feed my ds anywhere. For starters, it's much harder to time things when I have another child to look after as well. She would get pretty fed up in a feeding room so easier to feed him in the cafe so DD can be kept amused with cake.

This time round o have actually noticed a lot more mum's bf in public. I have had only one negative comment and I feed my 5 month old in public at least 3 times a week. One man walked past and made a comment about there being "another one with her boob out" , I completely ignored him. Nobody else has even noticed I don't think. People really don't seem bothered. I was in John Lewis cafe the other day and I counted five of us breastfeeding our babies at the same time.

YokoUhOh · 02/02/2017 20:31

I've not encountered any negativity whatsoever apart from MIL and I breastfed DS1 until he was 32 months old. DS2 is 8 months and we're still going strong. No-one ever seems to notice when we're out and about, baby goes under jumper and has his lunch: no problem!

sleepy16 · 02/02/2017 20:32

I bf my 12 month old, she still feeds quite a lot and I wouldn't hesitate to feed her out and about (I'm discreet as I know some may feel awkward).
I wouldn't look at another baby being fed a bottle and judge (long as baby is getting fed who cares) so I expect to be given the same courtesy.

Snifftest · 02/02/2017 20:36

Never felt judged and fed wherever when DS was younger. I'm more conscious now he's one, though that's my issue.

lillybee1 · 02/02/2017 20:46

I breastfed everywhere in public (had to because I exclusively breastfed for first six months & couldn't stay indoors forever) and although I didn't get any critical comments I did feel awkward at times. I'd try to cover up as much as possible but I think people are just curious and look at you, sometimes smile or just stare which is awkward/off putting. There are a lot of child-friendly cafes where I live but it was difficult to find places that were comfortable. By that I mean with comfortable seats and cushions to support my arm/back etc. I carried on breastfeeding until DC was two but didn't do it in public after around a year. I think all the comments in the press put people off (some incredibly judgemental comments online) and there needs to be more support in general. I only had one friend (out of a group of about 8 mamas) who continued to exclusively breastfeed till 6 months and she would breastfeed in public too.The breastfeeding rates are surprisingly low in the UK.

CripsSandwiches · 02/02/2017 20:48

I used to live abroad and never thought twice, no one cared I saw people breastfeeding babies and toddlers all the time. Because it's rarer in the UK I always felt self conscious but never actually had an obvious adverse reaction.

kimann · 02/02/2017 20:53

I do it all the time - I'm in SE London. Did it with my girl when she was a baby(she's 2.5 years now) and now my son (4 months) never had anyone make me feel uncomfortable about it, and I feed everywhere - from walking along a bridge, shopping for groceries. My hair is quite long so sometimes it's hard to tell when I'm bf even. If you are conscious, they sell covers on eBay/Amazon. Or some of the newer carriers have a discreet bf cover. I'm just lazy so dont bother with a cover good luck OP, you will be fine in sure, just takes a bit of time getting used to it.

balalalala · 02/02/2017 20:54

I feed in public and have experienced no issues with it. I actually had a nice conversation with another lady in John Lewis yesterday who was also breastfeeding in the cafe. Although I do sometimes feed in the car if I'm out as my 5 month old dd can get really distracted now by everything going on.

watchoutformybutt · 02/02/2017 20:55

I feel I have to gauge my environment and I'm not comfortable to feed everywhere even though I've been doing it now for 19 months. Baby/toddler groups, at friends houses, around my own home I'm 100% comfortable and don't give it a second thought. I try to be very discreet in a restaurant and I've never managed to plonk myself on a bench in public and feed. I always end up in my car. I annoy myself when I can't just crack on and do it but I just don't feel comfortable. I've never been judged or had anything said to me though so how I feel is on me.

Mermaid36 · 02/02/2017 20:57

I will point out that I've never fed in a toilet. I refuse to.
I needed to feed the girls in a rather specialist kitchen shop and there was a 45min wait for a table in the café. The nappy change was in the disabled loos and that was it.
I ended up sat in the very visible entrance area on a bench full of elderly people, feeding the twins.
I wrote to the company concerned asking for more/better facilities.

Rainydayspending · 02/02/2017 20:57

Yes. At a playgroup two women started having a proper "bf nazi" type conversation either side of me on the first day I attended with my baby. At snack time i went to give him a feed. I was sat on cushions on the floor, they were leaving early and putting coats on their children. Everyone else was by the snack tables. I had literally only said hi to them.
I was given a feedback form. But it was hardly the woman running the group.
They tried to make me feel like shit. Very hard for about 7 mins.
So sad that people are like that. But then there's a lot of assumption on mn about that too. Only the other day there was the suggestion that bfers saying formula feeding sounds like a faff was disingenuous bitching.
Feeding babies is a very emmotive issue. I didn't find this 10 years ago when my eldest was born.

PostTruthEra · 02/02/2017 21:03

I fed a lot with a newborn in public, but once ds hit 3-4 months he got way too distracted to feed out and about. I live near town so I just time most my trips out after a feed so I can get back in time for the next one.

I needed to feed him out recently and he was having none of it, so I went to feed him in the loos as it was quieter and less distractions, and someone came over and told me off for feeding in the toilets as it's not very nice for the baby. Well meaning, I'm sure, but what an interfering busybody!

I have mostly had positive comments when feeding out and about.

IWantATardis · 02/02/2017 21:03

I breastfed DS2 till he was a little over 2.5yrs, breastfeeding DS3 (10 weeks) now, and have breastfed a lot in public. I've never had a single negative comment or funny look about it. I honestly think most of the time, people don't even realise that a baby's breastfeeding rather than just having a cuddle.

Just the other week, I took DS3 along with me to a thing DS1 was doing. While there, DS3 got hungry, so I started breastfeeding him. I was sat next to a few mums I was acquainted with, chatting away. While I was breastfeeding DS3, one of the other mums asked me if I was feeding DS3 myself.
She hadn't noticed me latching DS3 on, and hadn't realised that he was breastfeeding as she asked me whether he was breastfed, despite being sat next to me the whole time.
I did think it was a little unobservant of her, but goes to show that it's not always obvious that someone's breastfeeding. Bottle feeding's a lot more visible to a casual observer.

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