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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask whether people still feel judged breastfeeding in public?

169 replies

Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 17:46

What are people's experiences of bf in cafes, shops, etc?

I am taking my newborn out more regularly now. I've noticed there are lots of mums out and about in Starbucks, M&S, local cafes etc, but very few breastfeeding their babies. In fact I am the only one I have seen (normal town centre). It doesn't make me feel awkward but I am curious about why this is. I know around 20% of mums are bf by 6 weeks so I would have expected to see fewer mums feeding their babies this way, but am surprised to see none.

I'm wondering whether people are feeding at home or mixed feeding when they go out? Whether they feel there is still public censure about bf in public?

Please no comments about how people choose to feed other than as relevant to the thread (how it feels to feed in public).

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 02/02/2017 21:04

I used to breastfeed out & about all the time. I did feel a bit self conscious at first but then I just thought to hell with it & got on with it. I never felt judged and I don't remember ever getting a single negative comment.

hiimmumma · 02/02/2017 21:14

I bf my 4mo in public pretty much daily. Restaurants, cafes, shopping centers. Even on trains. Never had an issue that I'm aware of. I'm in North London.
I find that a crying baby irritates people more than an accidental nipple flash TBH.

AnyFarrahFowler · 02/02/2017 21:25

Yorkshire here - I breast fed DS in public til he recently weaned at 12 months. Never any issues. I was ready to quote the law at anyone who dared to say anything Grin but nobody ever did.

Clankboing · 02/02/2017 21:25

I fed all 4 of mine but only if I could find the right chair!! I am 5ft and struggled on some chairs. Other than that no problems through 4 babies and 6-8 years of breastfeeding. But as you say OP, I have never noticed that many mums breastfeeding - but it is probably because you cannot always tell.

Camomila · 02/02/2017 21:33

I've fed DS for coming up to 10 months now in all sorts of places including trains, planes, the bus, naice restaurants, church, the park etc...
I don't cover up of anything, I just lift my top up or yank it done depending on what I'm wearing,

Some teenagers giggled at me in Nando's once and that's it in terms of 'negative' reactions.

But in general, no ones batted an eyelid.

SarcasmMode · 02/02/2017 21:36

I sometimes breastfeed in public but try not to if possible as it's a faff. Both the girls were the type to pull off, leaving me exposed.

But yes every few months it's happened and I'm cool with it.

DappledThings · 02/02/2017 21:38

Breastfed DS for 11 months, still do now but his one milk feed in the day is now a bottle as he's started nursery. Never once felt self-conscious about BFs butility as massively so the one and only time so far I've given him a bottle in public. Only because he'd so far only had bottles from the bottle warmer at home and I wasn't sure I'd get it to an acceptable temp using a cup of warm water and he'd kick off!

I only really notice others doing it when hey are using covers. It makes it much more obvious and draws more attention than just getting on with it. A woman was feeding under a cover at Heathrow last year and got an eyeful from a pair of elderly ladies. She gave them the evil eye back presumably thinking they were objecting to the feed but I was close enough to hear them and what they were staring at was the massive faffing about with the cover itself

Camomila · 02/02/2017 21:39

Now he's older I don't tend to feed him out and about as much as he gets distracted easily so I tend to feed in the car, plus he's enjoying solids and if he sees anyone eating he wants to what they're having.

finova · 02/02/2017 21:39

I did up till about 15 months then felt self conscious.
I can think of 3 occasions over this time when I've felt disapproval (just through glances). So about once every ten months!

Tfoot75 · 02/02/2017 21:43

I've never felt judged. I've recently stopped feeding my 10mo during the day though (and hence in public) as I don't feel it's very discrete anymore as she pulls off and thrashes around so not a very comfortable experience! I would have done so anyway before return to work.

When you say you haven't seen anyone, does that mean everyone you see bottle feeds, or that you just don't see them feeding? I don't really notice tbh, although virtually everyone I know bf they weren't flashing it around exactly. Feeding a very young baby is usually very discrete, many times I have had people stop to admire my baby before realising that I'm bf her. I don't mind but it's a bit cringey as you can tell they're embarrassed!

MrsBlennerhassett · 02/02/2017 21:45

i fed in public which is strange as im usually very self concious about my breasts and dont even show them to partners until secure in the relationship! But i felt very natural feeding in public for some reason, i felt better about them then. However i did feel uncomfortable around my partners male relatives and would use a shawl. Not my own dad tho i was fine with him there which again was surprising. I never actually felt judged or looked down on.

OsMalleytheCat · 02/02/2017 21:47

Fed my DS until he was 15months wherever and whenever he was hungry/fussy never received a single negative comment/look, in fact in my experience people would fall over themselves to be nice to me and offer drinks in cafes etc

MrsNuckyThompson · 02/02/2017 21:48

I fed everywhere. I never felt awkward and didn't have anything other than very positive comments (or was completely ignored in a good way)!

Dizzyingly · 02/02/2017 21:55

I breast fed anywhere and everywhere...Only person who had a problem was my dh! Made me all the more determined to do it more!

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 02/02/2017 22:00

I BFed until 13m and 20m. After about 10-11m, they didn't tend to feed in public as they needed less day feeds, and were too distracted to bother about milk when out.

The only negative reaction was my mum regularly disappearing from the room.

I had some "good for you", "how lovely" comments from older ladies. A lot of knowing smiles. Generally people didn't notice. When DS1 was a month old, my friend took a photo of us having a nice cuddle and put it on Facebook. She hadn't twigged it was a cuddle with benefits. The irony was that she was still feeding her 1 year old! I was once wandering around a castle with DS2 in a sling when a lady cane up, chatted and rubbed his head. She seemed blithely unaware that he was busy. (DS2 got fed on the move a lot!)

I'd feed wherever was most practical or comfortable for that feed. I tended to wear feeding tops, mainly because my bust had expanded too much to be accomodated in previous clothing, and upsizing standard clothing would have been too broad on the shoulders and waist. As my figure changed and my choices increased I went to a top up/ top down approach.

I think there is a lot more public BFing than we notice. I noticed more when I was feeding, subtleties like the angle baby is facing at. I've noticed a handful of covers around. On a couple of occasions I've noticed someone being quite exposed.

Wetcappuccino · 02/02/2017 22:11

I bf DD happily wherever we went till she decided to self wean at just over 12 months. Can't say I ever had any odd or nasty looks (or never noticed) and definitely no comments.

witsender · 02/02/2017 22:30

Nope, never felt judged or noticed anyone paying any attention tbh.

hiimmumma · 02/02/2017 22:31

I was expecting to see a lot more BF'ers when I first ventured out with my DS and was surprised that the only other feeding I could see was bottle feeding.. Felt like I was the only one.
Then I realised that there are these 'family rooms' in shopping centers (and John Lewis) where you can hide away in your own cubicle to BF.
Good if you are shy or worried about it.
Bad for people watching though.

PetalMettle · 02/02/2017 22:35

Between 3 and about 12 months my ds was very nosey and pulling off/looking round etc so I would go in cars/bfing rooms.
I guess there aren't many people feeding past 12 months.
Never had anyone say anything though

giggleshizz · 02/02/2017 22:41

Breastfed dd until 2.5. Never ever felt judged or had negative comments. TBH I just got on with it so didn't really pay much attention to other people. Didn't put a blanket over dd but didn't get my whole bap out either iyswim. Just always felt natural and never crossed my mind that I should feel awkward. I've always figured that's what breasts are for so never get the whole up in arms thing about actually using your breast for it's designed purpose!

giggleshizz · 02/02/2017 22:41

2.5 years that is.

Original poster
Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 22:43

Tfoot75: No, I mean they're (usually) bottle feeding. As a new mum I'm pretty alert to other babies so I do notice.

OP posts:
RingringWhoIsIt · 02/02/2017 22:46

I've just remembered, my best ever experience was at my friend's wedding when DD was 6 weeks old. I hadn't really breastfed outside the house much at that stage and was really nervous about it. When I got there a member of staff said to me (unprompted) "if you want a private room to feed the baby in there's one here." That really put me at ease. Then on my second or third trip to the room, the bride stopped to chat to me and said don't be silly you can feed her at the table". So I did. And it was fine. It made me feel really good because up to that point the main comments I'd recieved had all been negative ones from mil, bil and sil. So yes, that was a real confidence booster. (Sorry not quite what you were asking for).

Hairyfairy01 · 02/02/2017 22:56

Br both of mine in public until a bit over 1 year. Never got a negative comment or look.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 02/02/2017 23:02

I've had about 4 or 5 people makes comments to me when BF in public - every single one was positive! Most of the time it was older ladies telling me how lovely it is to see a woman feeding her baby 'the natural way', one even gave me £2 Grin and also had a lady come over and cut up my panini in Sainsbury's cafe as I was struggling to feed and eat at the same time.

When I had DD I didn't know nursing mum's were protected by law, and actually googled 'places I'm allowed to breastfeed' I think if more people knew they'd be more confident to feed in public