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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave DC (7&9) alone

150 replies

iismum · 02/02/2017 14:59

I go to the gym before doing the school run a couple of days a week. I leave the DC at home and they get on with getting ready for school on their own (usually, but there's time to nag them into if they haven't). DH is in but usually asleep, so they can go and wake him up if they need to but they never do.

DH is going to be away next week and I'm really not keen to miss my gym sessions as I'm training for an event and this is crunch time. We live in a flat and know everyone else on the stair. We have friends on the next floor down who have a DC of a similar age and will be in at this time getting ready for school themselves.

WIBU to leave the kids on their own in the flat for around an hour whilst I'm out, explaining that if they need anything they should go downstairs (outside our flat) to the neighbour rather than upstairs (in our flat) to DH?

OP posts:

MargeryFenworthy · 03/02/2017 19:55

Googlebabe that is extreme. We have a very large home and if I am in my dressing room for example I won't be very near the DC but really at that age I would expect them to be safe and to behave appropriately.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2017 20:02

Google - you are without doubt doing a sterling job of keeping your dc safe whilst they're young, at large effort to yourself. But how do they cope with situations like school/play dates/parties/activities etc where there is no where near your level of attention?

JigglyTuff · 03/02/2017 20:03

Yes I know that unfortunateevents. I just presumed that newtssuitcase wouldn't actually be drawing a parallel between leaving teenagers for under an hour and a whole week. Seems I was wrong.

I fear that some of this isn't actually about worry for the children - it's busywork.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2017 20:11

I have an anecdote that will horrify some of you.
When dd2 was 2 she made a new friend at preschool. I bumped in to the mother once and said we should get together for a coffee/play one time. It somehow developed in to a sleepover at our house. She turned up with her child on said day, I thought she would come in for a while, get to know us all, but she left her dc at the door with her little rucksack, containing her pjs and a toothbrush, and a spare pair of knickers.
I still know them now, she's genuinely a lovely person, quite posh, who would have no idea that what she did was unusual.

Nicknacky · 03/02/2017 20:18

google Seriously, for the love of god, stop taking your five year old to the loo with you. I have never heard of anything so bonkers in my life.

A poo takes a couple of mins surely? Not 10-15?

Unless your hous is an absolute death trap!

GooseFriend · 03/02/2017 20:19

I think I find googlebabes behaviour more troubling and potentially harmful. When do you plan to stop doing that google?

The gym is a red herring - either they're old enough and sensible to be left or they aren't. The context is irrelevant. I wouldn't do as the op asks but I also wouldn't fling out insults as people on here are.

mugglebumthesecond · 03/02/2017 20:34

I think most people's gut instincts would be that these two children are too young to be left on their own. Not only that but it's at an important time of day for young children.

But you're the parent and you have to weigh up the risk.

I'd be asking myself if the risk of me missing The exercise class outweighed the risk to my children.

Do they know how to get out of be house in case of fire/emergency. Do they know what to do if someone came to the door etc.

At 7 year old a child could be told not to touch knives and scissors because they're dangerous, but not be mature enough to equate this to getting the scissors to open an ice pop for example.

I always remember the poor boy who died after he slipped on a knife when he thought he would be a big boy and make a sandwich- think he was 5 or 6 but 7 is too young.

In fact it's quite alarming to think someone would do this unless absolutely necessary!

DisneyMillie · 03/02/2017 21:09

My 7 year old uses scissors to cut open an ice pop - I feel slightly bad now!!

Talith · 03/02/2017 21:35

Mine are the same age but I would not.

BertieBotts · 03/02/2017 21:38

Eh? It's perfectly normal for a 7yo to use scissors to open an ice pop, no need to feel bad. I suppose mugglebum was referring to a child using scissors unattended.

Toffeelatteplease · 03/02/2017 21:39

Fitness blender on you tube is your friend for weeks like this

BrickInTheWall · 03/02/2017 22:50

Google There are just no words. You have made it perfectly that you dont give a fuck what any of us thinks but surely you can see that level of supervision for a 5 year old is wholly inappropriate?!

Ooh look at that I found some words! But I was literally dumbfounded for a minute when I read your response. Remember to not take your eyes off your DC anytime in public now... every man who looks at him is a pedo

HarryPottersMagicWand · 03/02/2017 23:14

Google how will you cope when your child is at school? You do realise they are allowed to go to the toilet alone or walk to the office etc. I have a 5 year old and it's way ott to do what you do. I am an anxious parent and worry a lot but that's just a whole new level.

Newtssuitcase · 04/02/2017 06:58

Jigglytuff

A quick google will show you that there have been prosecutions for leaving teens. The law is drafted such that it is about risk. However clearly it is far more likely to be considered unacceptable risk to leave a 7 and 9 year old than a 13 YO.

I said nothing about taking my children to the toilet. And I did leave my 10 and 12 YO alone in the house briefly. But its the first time I've done it - which actually I think is about right in terms of age and the short period of time I left them. And for me it isn't about being with them as such in terms of being able to see what they are doing. its about me/an adult being accessible. I will happily go out for a walk on my own land for 15 minutes whilst they are inside the house. But it feels different because its our own property.

Our situation is slightly different anyway since we have no neighbours. Some would perhaps say that makes them safer, but it does mean there is nowhere for them to go for help if it is needed.

Anyway - as these threads will always do, it shows the range of behaviours and attitudes. I would silently judge anyone who left any child under 10 for more than about 20 minutes (and only then when it is absolutely necessary). Others will feel that its fine letting an 8 YO be alone for 2 hours after school. There is no right or wrong - until the police and/or social services get involved and decide that the risk level was at an inappropriate level in the circumstances.

What I would point out to anyone who leaves young children alone is that there are enough people around who do worry about young children being left alone that it significantly increases the risk of the matter being reported. Then it becomes irrelevant whether the parent felt the risk level was acceptable. All that matters really is whether the authorities feel the same.

mugglebumthesecond · 04/02/2017 07:37

No don't feel bad - scissors for ice pops is good and my 7 year old is fully competent and allowed to do this! But not while I'm at the gym for an hour and she's on her own

JigglyTuff · 04/02/2017 08:13

Not for an hour though Newt, which was my point. I very much doubt anyone would be interested in a 10 and 12 year old who hour adult supervision for an hour. Does your 12 year old not go to school alone? Where I live, all the secondary school kids get themselves to and from school alone. I find the mollycoddling on MN baffling.

The toilet was in reference to another poster which you'd know if you'd RTFT

JigglyTuff · 04/02/2017 08:13

Who had no adult supervision

arethereanyleftatall · 04/02/2017 08:54

there is no way the police would be interested in a ten year old being left on their own for an hour. I would think they would be more likely to encourage independence and street smarts rather than hinder it.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 04/02/2017 10:07

Op I have a partner who gets depressed and irritable if they don't get to go to the gym so we work hard to maintain that routine.... But.... Surely even thinking it might be ok to leave children unattended might wake you up to a bigger problem- gym addiction, body issues?? , im not saying this to nasty I genuinely think you need to consider it

Natsku · 04/02/2017 11:27

A 5 year old not being left alone for even the 5 minutes it takes to go to the loo is not better parenting - neglect can come in the form of oversupervision too.

Katy07 · 04/02/2017 11:28

Any further questions about my toilet experiences? Anyone?
Yes, actually - I am genuinely interested why you can't leave the bathroom door open - can't you prop it open with a doorstop or something? Not that I'm suggesting you should, it's just my desire-to-provide-helpful-practical-solutions nature rearing it's head again! Obviously if you have a phobia of open bathroom doors that's different but it's now bothering me that you have a door that you might like to have half-open but can't.
(Misses point of thread entirely)

Sillysausage123 · 04/02/2017 12:58

Ok one thing I don't understand is people let their kids play out on the streets where there are far more risks but don't allow them to stay in their own house for a short period of time.

I'm a bit shocked at some responses as I leave my 10 year old for half hour whilst I walk the dog. Going off the responses people would think this is unacceptable?

Newtssuitcase · 04/02/2017 13:00

Jiggly I did RTFT but naturally assumed your comment was directed at me given that you'd put my name on it.

And no my 12 YO (actually not quite 12) doesn't go to school alone. Its a 15 mile trip and he can't yet drive.

mickeyjohn · 04/02/2017 13:16

I leave my two (9 & 10) for half an hour while I walk the dog. They also walk to school on their own, go to the park, to the shop etc on their own - which I would imagine poses more of a risk, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU HAVE TO BE RATIONAL! Some of the replies on here are bloody crazy - I can't stand over protective parents - you will end up with children who are scared of life & believing that everyone is a child-snatching weirdo.
OP give it another 18 months & I think you'd be ok. Great one workout - 10 burpees, 10 squat jumps, 10 press ups, 10 reverse curls - repeat 10 times. Will make the gym look like a piece of piss

JigglyTuff · 04/02/2017 13:17

It was directed at you but it was referencing another poster - you can do that you know.

Wow - 15 mile trip to school! Doesn't sound much fun :(

sillysausage - I also leave DS while I walk the dog. I live opposite a teacher and walk past the houses of at least 2 others while I'm doing it. They don't seem to think there's anything wrong with me leaving him

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