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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave DC (7&9) alone

150 replies

iismum · 02/02/2017 14:59

I go to the gym before doing the school run a couple of days a week. I leave the DC at home and they get on with getting ready for school on their own (usually, but there's time to nag them into if they haven't). DH is in but usually asleep, so they can go and wake him up if they need to but they never do.

DH is going to be away next week and I'm really not keen to miss my gym sessions as I'm training for an event and this is crunch time. We live in a flat and know everyone else on the stair. We have friends on the next floor down who have a DC of a similar age and will be in at this time getting ready for school themselves.

WIBU to leave the kids on their own in the flat for around an hour whilst I'm out, explaining that if they need anything they should go downstairs (outside our flat) to the neighbour rather than upstairs (in our flat) to DH?

OP posts:

Treaclex · 02/02/2017 15:37

No no no just recently in the town I live in there was some sort of an explosion and everyone needed to be evacuated would your children be responsible to know what to do in an emergency? Saying it's only a few steps down doesn't make any difference would be like me saying it's only a couple of steps to next door. The gym can wait surely there's another time you could go?

Parker231 · 02/02/2017 15:37

Not a chance - the gym will have to wait for another week

harderandharder2breathe · 02/02/2017 15:38

No I wouldn't at that age, especially not for something that can easily be skipped like the gym

TreeTop7 · 02/02/2017 15:39

Mine were 11 and 9 when they were first left for an hour.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/02/2017 15:42

Sorry no, the gym is not more important than you being at home with your young children. They're not nearly old enough to be left alone. You can't guarantee their safety otherwise.

user1469914265 · 02/02/2017 15:43

When I was younger my parents worked opposite shifts, so my mum would wake us up at 0630 and leave for work right away and we'd get ready for school alone, cook breakfast and my dad would come in from work about 0800 to drive us to the bus stop.

We were 6 + 9 when that happened, in the middle of the country side but both sensible kids who knew numbers for emergency services and our nearest neighbour.

I guess it depends how sensible your kids are.

NavyandWhite · 02/02/2017 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chelazla · 02/02/2017 15:49

What planet are people on can I leave my small children to fanny about in the gym! I'm thinking... NO!

BertieBotts · 02/02/2017 15:53

This would be perfectly fine in Germany FWIW. I don't think your judgement is out. But as this thread shows, apparently not in the UK. In reality, it's more about people's perception of risk than actual risk, but I wouldn't do it. If the neighbour realised they would probably feel uncomfortable. I'd go with exercise at home and then make up for it next week!

StickyMouse · 02/02/2017 15:53

No, I wouldn't, I was left alone as a child with my sister when my parents worked (had responsible jobs in police and college lecturer), it was horrible being in the house without them, we were on edge the whole time, not allowed to answer the door nor use anything, its completely different to relaxing at home with parents/an adult in the house. I resent my parents for putting us under that kind of pressure and neglect.

When we had an emergency once we went to a neighbour we deliberated if we should or not and worried about our decision, it was a potential fire, smouldering item, he quickly sorted it out for us and was horrified that we were alone. We shouldn't have had to make that choice.

Your 9 year old shouldn't be in charge of a 7 year old. to keep your fitness work out of at home/lunch hour, take time off work if its so important.

Scrumptiousbears · 02/02/2017 15:55

Too young in my opinion.

nagynolonger · 02/02/2017 15:55

I know I was 9 when I was left with my younger siblings. But that was 50 years ago and it is what people did. I always felt it was wrong then and it is now.

My parents were across the road in the pub and Dad came and checked on us every 30 mins. What you are planning to do is no different......your needs/wants don't come before your children.

rightsofwomen · 02/02/2017 15:56

No way! I get wobbles leaving my 7 yo with my 17 yo. Not for any rational reason, I just think 7yo need a parent or older adult around if something goes wrong.

nb. I DO leave 17yo to mind 7yo but I am mindful of him being his big bro not his carer.

agapanthii · 02/02/2017 15:57

No - way too much responsibility for the 9 year old.

Stuffedshirt · 02/02/2017 15:58

They're too young.

KitKats28 · 02/02/2017 16:01

It's not so much whether anything happens to the children, but what if something happens to you while you're out. You could collapse at the gym/crash the car/walk under a bus, and no one would know your children were at home on their own. This is why I wouldn't have done it.

Serialweightwatcher · 02/02/2017 16:06

I wouldn't have left either of mine alone at those ages - I don't think they were left alone for any length of time until 12 years and that was reluctantly if desperate .... why can't you ask the neighbour if they can go to hers and make sure they're ready before they go up there so they can just hang about until you get back

SquarePegRoundHole · 02/02/2017 16:11

Yabvu. Children are not dependant enough at those ages to be left for an hour or more.

Nataleejah · 02/02/2017 16:42

9yo yes, but not in charge of the 7yo. Too much responsibility

formerbabe · 02/02/2017 16:43

I'm amazed you are even considering this...Of course you can't.

blueirishues · 02/02/2017 16:45

My parents left us in the house before school.

But - this was late 80s/early 90s. Not sure it will be seen as acceptable now.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/02/2017 17:29

I'm quite surprised at these responses.

I am starting to leave my 8 year old now on her own, as are my parent friends of other 8 year olds. Not for long, but I think you have to start them learning independence, as by 11 they'll be expected to get to the senior school 2 miles down the road, and I don't think that can happen overnight.

I might let the neighbour down below know, and go for half an hour, perhaps half an hour later than current.

SquarePegRoundHole · 02/02/2017 17:38

Not independent enough*

FV45 · 02/02/2017 17:41

arethere leaving a single 8yo for a little while is very different to leaving a 7 and 9yo alone together for an hour.

mainlywingingit · 02/02/2017 17:44

Absolutely not. Is it really worth it??!!! Fire - child having a fit- neighbour calling SS - the list goes on. Just miss the blinking gym.

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