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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC (7&9) alone

150 replies

iismum · 02/02/2017 14:59

I go to the gym before doing the school run a couple of days a week. I leave the DC at home and they get on with getting ready for school on their own (usually, but there's time to nag them into if they haven't). DH is in but usually asleep, so they can go and wake him up if they need to but they never do.

DH is going to be away next week and I'm really not keen to miss my gym sessions as I'm training for an event and this is crunch time. We live in a flat and know everyone else on the stair. We have friends on the next floor down who have a DC of a similar age and will be in at this time getting ready for school themselves.

WIBU to leave the kids on their own in the flat for around an hour whilst I'm out, explaining that if they need anything they should go downstairs (outside our flat) to the neighbour rather than upstairs (in our flat) to DH?

OP posts:
umizoomi · 02/02/2017 22:20

No. I debated leaving my just 9 year old for 30 mins whilst I took the youngest to school. He was fine but I worried and I certainly wouldn't have left him with a younger sibling

Waltermittythesequel · 02/02/2017 22:25

Well, the gym is obviously way more important than the comfort and safety of your children.

Pesky little things getting in the way of your life.

JigglyTuff · 02/02/2017 22:28

Oh FFS the hysteria on this thread! I wouldn't leave a 7 and 9 YO but a 9 year old on their own for 40 mins? You should be able to do that.

In 6 months' time, they'll be going into year 6 and should start becoming much more independent in preparation for getting themselves to and from school when they're in year 7.

Leaving them alone for short periods is great preparation.

Please let your children grow up. It's so unfair on them to baby them.

JigglyTuff · 02/02/2017 22:30

And the OP has already said she isn't going to do it. Six hours ago actually. But don't let that fact get in the way of a little bit of righteous indignation.

Reality16 · 02/02/2017 22:32

There isn't no need to leave them alone. Kids deserve to have a parent around of a morning, you know to talk to and stuff, not to be left alone to get ready for school. That's really sad that your DH doesn't get up with them, even sadder that you prioritise the gym over them.

YouHadMeAtCake · 02/02/2017 22:36

Incredibly poor parenting if you chose to. They are far too young! The gym can wait.

thegreylady · 02/02/2017 23:17

Too young I think

foxyloxy78 · 02/02/2017 23:22

Wtf. Seriously??? Confused YABVU

Singasongofsadness · 03/02/2017 00:47

Yanbu at all!

Googlebabe · 03/02/2017 10:49

Really?!!!

You leave your kids to fend for themselves in the mornings, so that you can go to the gym? Wow, poor kids. And so young... I still had a babysitter for my 12 y/o and I still take my 5 y/o to the toilet with me.

Your kids need. Fuck the gym.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 03/02/2017 10:57

Nice to know the gym is more important than your children. Hmm I can't believe you even considered this!

tangerino · 03/02/2017 11:02

I wouldn't do this- they are still too young. Couple of years older, maybe.

Having said that, the tone of some the responses on this thread is really horrible. FWIW I bet we all (inc people on this thread) do things other people perceive as too risky- assessing risk is really hard. Take your judgey pants off.

Chelazla · 03/02/2017 11:09

Google do you mean take your 5yo to the toilet when you're out or in the house?

Googlebabe · 03/02/2017 11:34

Chelazla - I take him anywhere with me - in the toilet, in the shower - in the house and outside. When I am alone with him, obviously. I don't want to risk leaving him alone for 5-10 minutes and he finds the bleach, or puts his hand in the wall socket, or falls down whilst trying to climb somewhere, or opens the door and goes in the street. You get the picture. You can never be too careful with kids in my opinion. As they say - better safe than sorry.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2017 11:40

'Poor kids' type responses are nasty.

If you wouldn't do this, that's fine, just say that.

But lots of parents make an informed choice that a bit of independence is a good thing. Also fine.

Google babe - unless you're going to now tell us your dc has sn, it might be easier just to tell him not to drink bleach?

YouHadMeAtCake · 03/02/2017 11:45

leftatall your response is pretty nasty.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2017 11:47

It wasn't intended to be. I've never heard of anyone not leaving a 5 year old on their own ever before.

Googlebabe · 03/02/2017 11:50

arethereanyleftatall, yes thank you. I do that AND I stick to my safety routine. I don't have anything more important to do or anywhere more important to be. I don't feel like cutting corners, saving time etc. And if I have to, I hire a babysitter to cover for me. Like someone on another thread said - if you had a million pounds, would you leave them lying around unsupervised, if there was the slightest chance of them getting stolen or damaged? I didn't think so.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2017 11:54

On the contrary. Right now my purse is in my bedroom, and I am in the kitchen. I'm perfectly happy with my risk assessment.

Googlebabe · 03/02/2017 11:56

arethereanyleftatall, I didn't say ever. Like you said, I estimate whether I can take the risk. If it is a 1 minute wee for example, I take the chance. If I know I have to be in there longer, or don't know how long will be, I mostly prefer not to take the chance and do my business in peace than rush and worry like crazy.

SingingInTheRainstorm · 03/02/2017 11:56

Unfortunately I have to agree it is a bit too young and should anything happen you'd never forgive yourself.

honeylulu · 03/02/2017 11:57

Leaving a sensible 9 year old for a short spell, ok. But not sure I'd do it for 40 mins. When my son was 9 I'd leave him for 5 mins ie so while I nipped to the shop ( but I took my youngest with me ).
I don't think it's fair to leave a 9 year is to babysit a younger child.

Try the Body coach HIIT videos on you tube. They are great!

I know you've decided not to do it now but I think you've had a hard time on the thread. Part of the reason I've said "no" is because of the cultural expectations in the UK. Elsewhere people would do it without batting an eyelid but here a) if you got reported it could be a real shitstorm for all of you and b) because it isn't the done thing children in this country aren't as geared up for responsibility at this stage.

Having said all that, when I was little in the 70s and early 80s my mum often left us alone (me and younger sister) while she walked the dogs or ran errands. We were entirely happy about that as would much prefer to stay at home in front of the telly.

One day the telly caught fire while I was alone in the house and mum was collecting sister from a party ... I lived to tell the tale though!

Googlebabe · 03/02/2017 11:58

arethereanyleftatall, unless your purse has a million pounds in it and it can grow legs, or your doors are unlocked - then the risk is the same. Wink

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2017 11:58

So, if you want a poo, you stop your child playing, and make him sit next to you in the bathroom? I am genuinely not taking the mick, I'm interested. Each to their own.

Googlebabe · 03/02/2017 12:05

arethereanyleftatall, yes I do that. And I am not ashamed to admit it. If I could leave the bathroom door open and be able to talk to him whilst in there, I wouldn't take him with me. But I can't leave the door open (for whatever reasons) so I do what is the next best thing in my opinion.

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