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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC (7&9) alone

150 replies

iismum · 02/02/2017 14:59

I go to the gym before doing the school run a couple of days a week. I leave the DC at home and they get on with getting ready for school on their own (usually, but there's time to nag them into if they haven't). DH is in but usually asleep, so they can go and wake him up if they need to but they never do.

DH is going to be away next week and I'm really not keen to miss my gym sessions as I'm training for an event and this is crunch time. We live in a flat and know everyone else on the stair. We have friends on the next floor down who have a DC of a similar age and will be in at this time getting ready for school themselves.

WIBU to leave the kids on their own in the flat for around an hour whilst I'm out, explaining that if they need anything they should go downstairs (outside our flat) to the neighbour rather than upstairs (in our flat) to DH?

OP posts:
BillyButtfuck · 03/02/2017 12:08

I'm really not keen to miss my gym sessions but I'm more than happy to leave a 7 year old in a 9 year olds care, alone in a flat Hmm

Believeitornot · 03/02/2017 12:10

Change when you go to the gym.

downwardfacingdog · 03/02/2017 12:34

I personally think it's a bit young, but the pearl-clutching on this thread is ludicrous. And forcing a five year old to accompany you for a poo - wtf???? If that's your choice crack on, but surely you must recognise that that's your issue and 99% of parents would find that extreme, not responsible parenting.

Natsku · 03/02/2017 12:49

Wow at the level of pearl clutching and nastiness towards the OP on this thread.

For what its worth OP I'd do it if I thought the children would be OK with it (if they didn't feel ready then I wouldn't) as would practically every other parent where I live. Its a matter of perspective and experience - children of that age aren't necessarily too young.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2017 13:22

Google - that's an extraordinary effort on your part. Most parents I know thank the lord when their dc gets to about 4 and they finally get to have a poo in peace!

GeordieShorefg · 03/02/2017 13:27

What is pearl clutching?

Newtssuitcase · 03/02/2017 13:30
Shock
d270r0 · 03/02/2017 13:32

No, what if something really bad happened, eg. One of them got badly hurt, fire, gas, etc.

BrickInTheWall · 03/02/2017 13:40

Google It is beyond odd that you take your 5 year old with you to use the toilet. It is actually ridiculous. You say about him getting hold of bleach or sticking his hand in a socket.. is the 5 a mistype for 2?! Surely by 5 you have taught him not to use bleach or stick his hands in sockets?! Hmm
FWIW I gave a 2 year old and 11 month old and dont think twice about leaving them in the living room alone while I use the toilet. I leave the door open to keep an ear out but thats it. I used to take the baby till she was about 3months and the big brother novelty had worn off otherwise the bigger one may have tried to pick up the baby while I was gone but now they are quit happy to continue playjng for the whole 3 minutes it takes me to use the toilet.

Googlebabe · 03/02/2017 15:17

BrickInTheWall, I mentioned I can't leave my bathroom door open whilst I use it. Also, the room where he would be if I just left him, is quite far away from the bathroom, not immediately next door and I have no way of hearing what he is doing, even if he is screaming (TV on, toilet very far away, two shut doors and a room in between). In this situation, 5-10 minutes is way too long a time for me to leave my just turned 5 year old completely unsupervised.

Ok, I may be a weirdo, but I am definitely not neglectful. You are going in the wrong direction. I am not the one leaving my kids and going to enjoy myself. On the opposite. Wise men have said it ages ago:

YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.

Well, if we don't take this advice for our own kids, what else is there to be careful about? How will you live with yourself if something happened to your kids because a nobody from mumsnet told you you are a weirdo? I know - I don't give a fuck what you think. I do give a fuck about the safety of my child.

Any further questions about my toilet experiences? Anyone?

katedan · 03/02/2017 16:22

You would be breaking the law!! No child under 14 can be left with another younger child in the same property. I think if they were 11 and 13 you would be unlikely to be prosecuted ( and I think lots of people do it with pre teens) but 7 and 9 is WAY too young.

Reality16 · 03/02/2017 16:25

katedan No. not against the law.

unfortunateevents · 03/02/2017 16:27

Katedan it's not against the law, the law doesn't specify an age when children can be left home alone but it's an offence to leave them alone if it poses a risk. Parents can be prosecuted for leaving children such that it exposes them to unnecessary risk. By any standards, I think if something happened, 9 and 7 would be considered too young.

Reality16 · 03/02/2017 16:27

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/leaving-child-home-alone/

Just leaving this here. It may be helpful

Hannahbanana1725 · 03/02/2017 16:40

Honeslty, if i knew my neighbours left their 9 and 7 y/o alone for an hour, I'd call the police.
It's just too young to leave them for that amount of time, especially for such a selfish reason like the gym when you can easily exercise at home.

mirime · 03/02/2017 16:45

Interesting Reality. Does make me wonder how we all coped pre-mobile phone.

I was probably 7 or 8 the first time I was left at home on my own. It was very exciting, but I was off school ill so spent the time watching a film and eating mince pies. No mobile phone and no way of contacting my mum if anything had happened - I did know the neighbours though and knew my grandparents phone number.

I also wasn't in charge of any younger siblings.

Newtssuitcase · 03/02/2017 17:18

People have actually been prosecuted for leaving teens alone.

I left my 10 and 12 YO alone for the first time a couple of weeks ago to go and fetch DH when his car broke down. I was out of the house for all of about 15 minutes and they were fast asleep but I worried about doing that.

I would seriously judge anyone who left a 7 and 9 YO to go to the gym.

Chelazla · 03/02/2017 18:11

Google my 3 year old would refuse to stand in the toilet while I had a poo! He would think it was pretty rank to be honest! If he's five he will not be getting this level of supervision at school! How do you expect him to assess danger?

KERALA1 · 03/02/2017 18:41

I leave my sensible 8 year old Dd watching TV while I go and collect her sister from local activities. Otherwise pointlessly dragging her out in dark and cold. If anything happened to me (what I don't know Hmm Dh is due home within the hour.

I think children are babied too much these days.

JigglyTuff · 03/02/2017 18:56

@newtssuitcase - please back up this statement: "People have actually been prosecuted for leaving teens alone."

Ofr course you can leave a 10 and 12 year old alone for 15 minutes FFS! Or do you make them stand in the bathroom while you take a shit too?

This thread is absolutely nuts.

unfortunateevents · 03/02/2017 19:07

People HAVE been prosecuted for leaving teens alone but it is not enshrined in law. to my knowledge, no-one has every been prosecuted for leaving e.g. a 14 year old home along for a couple of hours. What newtssuitcase is presumably talking about is cases which make the news where a parent/parents have left a child or children alone overnight or even for longer. A couple of examples below, although in the third one the mother wasn't jailed even after leaving the children alone for weeks!

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1168480/Mother-spared-jail-leaving-moaning-children-home-jet-Spanish-holiday.html
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mum-left-two-children-home-5159914
www.express.co.uk/news/uk/596752/Mum-left-children-home-alone-holiday-three-weeks-Nigeria-wedding-escape-prosecution

StrawberryMummy90 · 03/02/2017 19:16

google can't you turn the TV down/off when you go to the toilet and then you would be able to hear him if he screamed?

BlowMeDownWithAFeatherMissis · 03/02/2017 19:49

I wouldn't leave them for as long as that, no, but I would for 5-10 minutes with a trusted neighbour within a couple of minutes walk. Also, I go for runs up and down our tiny bit of road (think 10 houses long) with my kids on their own in the house (settled down with something to watch/read/do) but I'm always in sight of the front door so they know they can pop their heads out and shout and I'm there. Which they do sometimes. Could you do something similar - run up and down outside your house? I'm sure I look mad but I get my run in and they are as safe as if I was down the other end of the garden. Mine are 7 and 9.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/02/2017 19:49

I thought the rule was you couldn't go out of the country and leave under 16s. Rather different from popping to the local shops.

BlowMeDownWithAFeatherMissis · 03/02/2017 19:54

Googlebabe - that is absolutely crazy! Don't you think your kid might be getting the message that they are totally incapable of being independent from all the taking them with you to the loo! At five. In many other European countries it is seen as very important for children to develop some independence - it's about developing a strong sense of self and autonomy, not about neglect.