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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to decide if/when my children are introduced to iPad/tablet?

132 replies

Bejeena · 02/02/2017 10:05

Title says it all really.

My children are 3.5 and almost 1

I am fully aware that screen time for them is inevitable but I personally think that my oldest is not ready. He has more than enough to keep him entertained and learn from his toys. I do also let him watch TV in moderation.

However grandparents seem insistent that he would benefit from games/apps etc on the ipad. I personally think he has too much going on already. I know it is going to be an issue next time they (in-laws) come over and I feel like they want to overrule my decision. They keep showing my husband apps they use with other grandchildren to try and get him to agree and allow it. On the whole my husband is with me on the no tablets but isn't that against him having a go on grandparents one. I am, I feel it is our decision when we start him on things like this. Of course husband's family all think I am being mean and trying to be controlling.

For what is worth no they don't provide us with any childcare apart from odd night for us to go out whilst they are in bed (say once or twice a year).

Is my wish that unreasonable?

OP posts:

Cantstopeatingchocolate · 03/02/2017 18:08

Don't do it
It's a slippery slope. DS (7) didn't have regular access to tablet/PC until he was about 5 and has been a nightmare since. PS4 was the worst thing we ever allowed but to be fair we couldn't have kept him off much longer as his friends all play with some sort of screen and when he's at their houses he joins in.
If you must, there are great educational apps and the leap pad things too but they will get bored with them eventually and then the dreaded minecraft/stampy will start.
DS went to a childminder through the week so he didn't have access to screens until we gave him them. Now he's just obsessed. From morning til evening he will ask for at least one device to either play on or watch videos/you tube on

Esspee · 03/02/2017 18:36

My granddaughter in LA is only allowed screen time at weekends, that includes TV. It is a school rule which has to be strictly adhered to.

As for pressure from others. Your children, your rules. FWIW I would back you 100%.

Jaxhog · 03/02/2017 19:03

The issue isn't when they should have access, but who's decision it is. Of course it's you and your DH's decision. GPs should respect that.

Stitchosaurus · 03/02/2017 19:27

No child is going to fall behind but not playing on an iPad. I can't imagine anyone struggling to use one, no matter what age they're introduced to it.

I don't let 5 year old DS anywhere near mine, but he's occasionally allowed to play the odd CBeebies game on DH's or some educational ones on my mum's. I don't even like that if I'm honest. I'm dreading the day he starts asking for games consoles.

Araminta99 · 03/02/2017 19:33

YANBU. It's such a bore when I visit my BIL and all the kids want to do is sit all over mine and DH's laps and show us games on the iPad. Nothing educational, hardly any interaction, you can't get them away from it. I think once you introduce tablets it's a slippery slope as they will keep asking for it all the time.

caringcarer · 03/02/2017 19:36

Once they start using an ipad with educational apps they want to use it all of the time, I have observed many children spend less time enjoying their more traditional toys and whine to use either the ipad or parents phone all the time. I would say no plenty of time for technology when they go to school. I encourage fresh air playing in the garden, traditional toys and games and plenty of reading. I have observed some children of 7 or 8 who say they have never played Ludo or snakes and Ladders which I think is very sad. You should bring your children up as you see fit and not be bullied by others to conform to things you do not agree with.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/02/2017 19:44

You don't have an ipad issue you have a PiL issue. If you and your DH have decided you want to leave it a while before introducing additional screens to your children then stick with it unless you jointly change your minds.

Your PiLs banging on about it and trying to get your DH to join them in undermining you is the problem.

oblada · 03/02/2017 19:45

As others have said - first of all its YOUR decision so nothing wrong with me! And secondly I personally fully agree with you and as long as your kids are happy with a tablet all the better for them! Educational games on tablets are good but not as good as proper interaction and more traditional games. They'll pick it up in no time once they're introduced to it! My older DD probably slowly started using a tablet ard 3-4yrs old. She got her own at 4.5yrs old. She is 5.5yrs old and picks it up very occasionally but nothing more and I'm happy with that. Younger DD at 2.5 doesn't care much about the tablet so far. Some of my friends' kids are obsessed with phones/ipads. I'd rather not have my kids become like that if I can. And that's my choice. Luckily my parents are much more the type too push 'traditional' games like Ludo, memory, dominoes, uno etc

oblada · 03/02/2017 19:47

nothing wrong with it imo is that I wanted to write! And further down as long as they are happy without a tablet!! Annoying that you can't correct posts! :)

jozie · 03/02/2017 19:50

This is quite an interesting perspective

We have had a similar situation (2yo and 5yo) and decided against having tablets and TV in the house (although we do have Netflix and amazon prime). My in laws thought we made the wrong choice but I stand by our decision because it's our children and we are the parents. 5yo uses tablets at school and is more than competent to use them. He will have his time to use screens but at this age I don't want him being hooked to a screen when he can be running about aside and playing creatively.

LittleGreyBear · 03/02/2017 20:00

YANBU.
Haven't read whole thread but agree that it's your choice. The odd time at grandparents' house probably won't matter but I think overall at that age their time is better spent playing outside, playing imaginatively, interacting with others etc
I agree that technology is important now but they will pick it up so quickly that I'd hold off for a while longer! They won't be disadvantaged.

StrawberryShortcake32 · 03/02/2017 20:00

I work in the industry that provides these. I've seen parents spend hundreds on insurance/repairs/replacements where they had given them to children who were far too young and don't look after them properly. It doesn't help them learn the value of money that's for sure. Perhaps you could use that as your reasoning with the in laws? Good luck with it all

arlene123 · 03/02/2017 20:07

It's your decision when and how your children are introduced to tablets. I would also add that imo a small amount of supervised time occasionally won't do any harm.

mahadams2 · 03/02/2017 20:19

No avoid it as long as you can!! I have an 8 year old & a 4 year old, a relative did this with my 8year old wen he was 4 whilst i was at Work. Gave him a screen to play to with & he has been hooked ever since! We have never bought him a tablet, we said you want it, then you buy it. He has bought 3 (one to replace another, once broken). We have had to allow it only on weekends because he was obsessed! Its a headache to get off him & he dont want to go anywhere without it. Our 4 year old has recently asked for one & we told her the same, you want it, you buy it! Luckily shes not actually interested in one (i think its just because her bro has one that she asked) & she isnt saving. We dont let her play with our phones either which has helped & we also dont sit playing on our phones in front of them. They learn by example & if they see you are not dependant on one, then they will be less inclined to think they need one! Hope this helps. (we also had a relative who slated us because when 3 yrs old, our child didnt have a tv in his room. The relative said 'give it a year', hes now 8 & still doesnt have a tv in his room. Most people who judge you on a decision like this, only do so because they feel bad you are provided better ways to entertain your children than they are!)

arlene123 · 03/02/2017 20:20

I am a little concerned (not that it is any of my business) about how many people are saying that once you start they want it all the time/it's a slippery slope/they become obsessed, etc. Surely you as a parent are the one in charge, shouldn't it be down to you to teach appropriate use and usage time!!

Ksre · 03/02/2017 20:33

I have a 3 year old and 1 year old and I wish I hadn't introduced a tablet to my older one (in fact, I think grandparent did) it's much harder to take away and attention son is lowered as she can click click through different programmes watching only a few minutes at a time. I am limiting it a lot at the moment, but have not completely removed it. I don't mind the apps as much, it's the YouTube videos of surprise eggs getting opened that are truely awful!!

oblada · 03/02/2017 20:44

Argh! A TV in a kid's room?? What an awful idea and a weird thing to criticised someone over mahadams!! Not planning to have any other TV than the living room one for quite a while yet! Maybe when the kids are teenagers we will re-think but no hurry! Fully agree it can be a slippery slopes. Not sure how it happens as our kids are fine but ive seen plenty of my friends' kids quite obsessed with the thing.. So whether it just happened or there were not enough rules I don't know...

Ticketybootoo · 03/02/2017 22:50

I only have my experience to go on but I have a 14 yr old and 9 year old who have IPads . Just sth to keep in mind - I have stopped my 9 year old from using the IPad in the week and even her teachers have commented on how much more focussed and engaged she has been with her schoolwork . I spend time reading books with her in the evening and doing her homework as I have quit work and have much more time and she seems to be enjoying it .
I and my husband have both worked in IT so I hjink they need to be aware but maybe to use them for educational things and limit the games !??

cheval · 03/02/2017 23:22

I'm probably much older than you all and find this thread so depressing. Such young children using iPads etc. Why? They need to learn off them now? Glad I raised my children pre all of this. They need to learn motor skills though physical play and so much more. Not sitting in front of a screen. This can not end up well. We were not designed to sit in front of a computer. Bad enough for adults. But for tiny kids, 'tis madness.

Cantstopeatingchocolate · 03/02/2017 23:30

arlene I stand by my slippery slope comment.
I am in charge and my DS doesn't get, what we call, small screens during the week. That is phones, iPods, iPads or games consoles. But it doesn't stop the constant asking from when his eyes open til it's time for bed. It's draining repeating the same 'no, you know the rules'
I spent every day off in the summer holidays last year chasing DS and his friend out of the house to play outside while it was nice, they would have genuinely sat in front of a tv playing the PlayStation ALL day.
Clearly he has an obsessive personality and can't self regulate his time on these games etc so I do it for him. He has to be limited to one hour a day at weekends too and definitely not before bed.......and there will be NO chance of a tv in his room and no technology upstairs at night time.

Mammyashy1 · 04/02/2017 00:11

Any opinion except yours and your husbands is completely irrelevant. The best thing you can do is what you feel is best for your child and stand your ground

missm0use · 04/02/2017 00:28

Not being unreasonable at all!!! My DD was 1 last week and has NEVER watched a cartoon in her life. My MIL informs me on every visit since she was 6 weeks old that "you need to get the Disney channel" my response every time is "Why? I don't watch cartoons!"

Stand your ground and so what if they think you're 'controlling' so you fucking should be! Your the parent!!

Also if they cant respect your parenting then they shouldn't have unsupervised access to your children!

Sunshinegirls · 04/02/2017 00:41

Don't feel pressure from anyone to subject your kid to screen time if you feel that it's something you aren't comfortable with. They have a lot of life ahead of them to sit staring at screens. go with your instincts.

AlcoholicsUnanimous · 04/02/2017 06:04

YANBU OP, the decision is up to you.

Interested that a few people give their children iPads so they are not 'behind' at nursery/school. Technology moves quickly, tablets won't be used when today's 3 year olds are adults. What we use now is irrelevant. I didn't use a computer until I went to uni in 1998 and yet I've built websites.

Also interesting to read examples of children being addicted to screens and the impact it has in their attention. This is my biggest problem with screens, even if the content is educational, it feeds that need for immediate gratification and is terribly addictive.

15thaugust · 04/02/2017 07:54

I teach teenagers. The ones that struggle to write English and even have difficulty to hold a pen and write legibly all admitted to me recently that they to never read a book and most were given PlayStations etc from age of six. Parents need to understand that these things are addictive and time thieves. I am not going to give tablet, computer games, etc to my children. It has been proven scientifically that screen time damages them.

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