To want to decide if/when my children are introduced to iPad/tablet?

[Bejeena]

Title says it all really.

My children are 3.5 and almost 1

I am fully aware that screen time for them is inevitable but I personally think that my oldest is not ready. He has more than enough to keep him entertained and learn from his toys. I do also let him watch TV in moderation.

However grandparents seem insistent that he would benefit from games/apps etc on the ipad. I personally think he has too much going on already. I know it is going to be an issue next time they (in-laws) come over and I feel like they want to overrule my decision. They keep showing my husband apps they use with other grandchildren to try and get him to agree and allow it. On the whole my husband is with me on the no tablets but isn't that against him having a go on grandparents one. I am, I feel it is our decision when we start him on things like this. Of course husband's family all think I am being mean and trying to be controlling.

For what is worth no they don't provide us with any childcare apart from odd night for us to go out whilst they are in bed (say once or twice a year).

Is my wish that unreasonable?

Good for you op, there are plenty of other activities for him to be doing, computers will change beyond our comprehension between now and his adulthood, all the nonsense regularly spouted about him needing it for work etc is nonsense, he's got years and years ahead of him to figure it out.

Hold off for as long as possible. I wish we had never allowed DS anywhere near tablets etc when he was young. It may not be purely to blame, but I have noticed a massive down turn in his ability to concentrate since having access. We are trying to cut down but it is really hard.

As a reception teacher, I've never known a child (no matter how delayed they are or regardless of screen time at home) unable to use an iPad or unable to sit for long periods using an iPad. However, what you do see an increasing amount of is children with extremely poor language and communication skills, as well as poor listening and attention skills.

Once in a while won't harm them (plus they can be very educational) but I also think it's important that the child gets interaction from an adult when playing on an iPad.

I wouldn't let the one year old on one though.

Saying all this, I get so fed up of 'I spy' etc on long car journeys that the iPad is an lifesaver with my 6 year old sometimes!

No no no! He is your child so your rules!

Rubbish that kids should start using technology as soon as possible because 'its the way of the world now'. We all started using ipads a hell of a lot older than 3 and we manage just fine.

Screens are bad for their eyes, bad for their brains and I completely agree with you - if he wants to play with toys/outside then make the most of it!

If it was something that they wanted to do with your child I might consider it.

But then they can read a book, colour do puzzles together, so it's not essential.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I totally agree they are far to young. My eldest is 10 and only in the last year got a kindle. Yes she uses ipads/computers at school so she won't be left behind on knowing how they work. Her time on he kindle is limited to while we put the youngest to bed and cook tea then she comes of it.
You are the parent not them it's your decision. There is plenty of time for kids to get into the tech stuff just let them be kids and learn through natural play.

I remember my kids' pre-school feeling under pressure to invest in technology to meet Ofsted standards. They got a computer but it was used minimally. I don't think it enhanced the kids' pre-school experience at all. They got a lot more out of dressing up, gardening, baking, finger painting, singing etc. I think they can be used as a sort of child-Valium. Stick a kid in front of a screen and you have a stunned, still, silent child. Convenient but not very healthy.

Um yes PP. Obviously people learned to code before the advent of tablets, otherwise there would be no tablets. I did list critical thinking as one of the important lifeskills the games we play help develop. It's not about a four year old learning to code, it's about developing a specific way to think through problems. That can probably still be achieved without tablets but not in ways that are as easily accessible in such a fun way.

You've also drawn a false parallel. Comparing kids being plonked in front of technology in lieu of interaction to families using these machines as the incredible tools they are. Anything can be bad when used lazily but tablets have unique educational applications and ignoring your kid while they play educational games is still better than ignoring them while they play Paw Patrol.

And btw, plenty of 4yos do plenty of things they don't 'need' to know at 4. Crack eggs, play piano, turn cartwheels, build a Lego car, plant seeds, pick fruit and make jam. But that doesn't mean they aren't having fun while developing skills that may benefit them in adulthood.

That should be watch Paw Patrol.

Your children, you get to decide. Screen time is not beneficial for very young children, and once they're exposed to it you can't go back... they will want it more and more. It's a slippery slope. There's plenty of time to get them using tablets when they are older.

Me, personally, I would keep kids away from screens for as long as possible, we now have a generation "addicted" to the damn things. My grandchildren were staying the weekend, grandson 5, on his THIRD tablet, all broken, both arguing over using my PC, took them on the beach, cold but sunny, both got absolutely soaked, and loved it, no more mention of PC

My youngest is nearly 6yrs and he just got a kindle for Christmas. My eldest had one around the same age too.

I personally think yours are far too young to be considering it just yet (not even keen on mine having them but i do limit their use).

If it doesn't feel right to you then stick to your guns.

Kids pick up the tech quickly. Hang on in there without for as long as you can. If you are restricting tv time too good for you. The intetaction with toys and the real world is invaluable. They will have plenty of screen time when they are older.

I wasn't drawing a false parallel. I was pointing out that most parents won't be using this technology to teach their children critical thinking and problem solving.

And my point about necessity was addressing those posters who insist that it is necessary for their future development. I was stating my opinion that it isn't necessary.

The ipad is the only way I get to wake up properly and have a shower in peace at my house... 5.30 or earlier wake up calls for 4 years...

YANBU OP, nothing wrong with wanting to delay their exposures to technology.

However DS2 wanted to copy his 8 yo brother and by 3.5 was scarily proficient at minecraft.

I think it is easier to limit your first but not so much with your second.

Incidentally we have never had a problem with them using tablets etc whenever they want to and DS1 particularly is now a very good animator and coder aged 11.

YANBU

Personally I don't see the harm once in a while. My DS is 3 and been using DHs old tablet for about the last year. We wiped it clean, removed all apps apart from CBeebies etc, download a handful of is favourite episodes of God Jetters, Octonauts etc and turn onto airplane mode when he's using it so no danger of accidentally doing something not supposed to!

He doesn't use it on a normal day to day basis unless I really need to make a phone call without interruption when he's around. It mainly gets used on car journeys, long family lunches out, or visits to grandparents/ friends when normal routine goes out the window!

He loves the CBeebies stories app and the cbeebies games. They seem pretty educational to me so I don't mind.

The problem in the past has been trying to get him off it when the time comes. But like anything else it's just about handling it and discipline. When I say it's time to turn it off it has to go off even if he does throw a tantrum about it. I just don't let him sit there with it for hours, that wouldn't be healthy.

It sounds as though your DH isn't as anti-ipads as you. So although I absolutely agree it is for yourself and your DH to decide when you let your DCs use ipads in your home, I think it's unrealistic to expect you can control how other people interact with your DCs and also how your DH thinks about it.
You can make this a battleground with your ILs (which will store up resentment - for no obvious gain) or you could decide your DCs can play on the ipad for a short time when with your ILs. It's not going to adversely affect your DCs' development. It is going to avoid an unnecessary confrontation with your ILs. It's also fairly easy imo to distract your own DC away from electronics so even if your ILs show your DC something on the ipad, you can easily control how long they interact with it, without creating a family split.
ime making something forbidden is the best way to make it desirable to a DC.

My just 5 yo asked for an I pad for Christmas. She asked because she uses them at school. She didn't get one. She can use 'Daddy's kindle' when it suits us. I realised the discrepancy between letting her USE one and not letting her HAVE one, but her own things she can basically use whenever she likes. I want to limit (not eliminate) screen time, and I think once they become dcs own property, it is a different ball game.
When she was a baby, adults, mainly grandparents would give her their phone then expect me to manage what she did on it. Nope, if you're stupid enough to give your phone to my baby (having been suggested not to) - you deal with the deletions, nonsense posts, tantrum when it is removed. They didn't bother with dc2!

Clarification : They love him and all that. They didn't bother giving him their phones. Just realised it read a bit like they don't bother with the kid. He's very loved by extended family.

My children don't use tablets at home. They are able to use computers and do so at school, plus we have a tablet at home which belongs to me. They have occasional access to this if needed for homework or a specific thing they want to look at on you tube etc.
They are 5,7 and 11. They are bright, play games together (and bicker) and read a lot. My daughter recently was awarded a place at a selective school, they noted in particular her good communication & social skills and willingness to engage in team work.
I'm not saying that she is like that because she has not spent the past decade glued to a screen, but I feel vindicated that my decision to limit screens has resulted (so far) in children who have a lot of other skills besides knowing how to use a screen device.

You're not being precious. It's you and your husband's decision and your in-laws sound as though they are being manipulative trying to persuade your husband to side with them. I used to have a manipulative mother-in-law. Ended in divorce and I'm far happier now! Not at all suggesting you should divorce of course!! Just hold your ground calmly and pleasantly. It's a power struggle. And for what it's worth, I do agree your kids are a bit young for an ipad. Let them play with traditional toys and use their imaginations. There's a whole lifetime ahead of them to sit staring like zombies at a screen. Mine started at about nine from memory and it's nevre been the same since unfortunately.

YANBU

My LO is going to be 3 soon and does not use an iPad/tablet- neither me or DH own one.

I've never let them play on my iphone- purely because I just don't want them too and if it got damaged/broken it would be so annoying.

Yeah I'm sure they will have them at school- don't object to them using them at that point, in the context of learning at school.

Plus, I've seen other peoples' 2 or 3 yr olds glued to their screens, completely zoned out from the world and who won't respond to questions or anything. Then have a total screaming meltdown when it's taken away from them.

I'd just much rather my LO stuck to playing with toys and have reasonable amounts of normal TV

You are completely reasonable! My DH and I had this same conversation way before we conceived. We watched our family and friends kids glued to the tablets/phones almost from birth and shriek when these were denied. Not sure when we would give a tablet - it will happen at some time - but not whilst they could be spending time with us during their young years. We love talking to DS and playing games with him and I think it sad when I see my cousins kids in particular ignoring each other and their parents walking around glued to their pads - sorry rant over - ready to get flamed. Be gentle people - I never say these thoughts out loud

YANBU; of course it's up to you.

Tell them firmly 'I'm not up for any discussion about this.' Repeat as necessary. Your husband needs to back you up too.