To want to decide if/when my children are introduced to iPad/tablet?

[Bejeena]

Title says it all really.

My children are 3.5 and almost 1

I am fully aware that screen time for them is inevitable but I personally think that my oldest is not ready. He has more than enough to keep him entertained and learn from his toys. I do also let him watch TV in moderation.

However grandparents seem insistent that he would benefit from games/apps etc on the ipad. I personally think he has too much going on already. I know it is going to be an issue next time they (in-laws) come over and I feel like they want to overrule my decision. They keep showing my husband apps they use with other grandchildren to try and get him to agree and allow it. On the whole my husband is with me on the no tablets but isn't that against him having a go on grandparents one. I am, I feel it is our decision when we start him on things like this. Of course husband's family all think I am being mean and trying to be controlling.

For what is worth no they don't provide us with any childcare apart from odd night for us to go out whilst they are in bed (say once or twice a year).

Is my wish that unreasonable?

Yes our school system doesn't encourage exposure until school starting age (6-7 years) and I am quite confident none of his peers are using them.

Also I should add thanks for the interesting input on the subject and particularly how I approach in-laws about it

I can't imagine being this precious. How often are we talking? Maybe once a week for a few minutes?

Mind you, at 8 and 5 mine have their own tablets so clearly I'm a negligent parent!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow: Come on, there is really no need to be that defensive. No-one is saying people are bad parents if they let their children use tablets, just that the OP doesn't want her children using them and that is up to her, just like it's up to you.

Completely agree with you. I don't disagree with children having screen time at all but I don't see why a preschool child needs to play on a tablet. I would rather his imagination got a work out instead. Neither of mine are allowed on them and I won't be getting them phones either until they start secondary school.

I have no opinion on what other people do, but did not allow our dc to use tablets at that age and would have been annoyed if the GPs had undermined us. I think you're being reasonable OP.

If my DD were happy to play on/watch a tablet for the odd 15 minutes here or there, I wouldn't have a problem with it. It's the fact that she became so addicted so quickly that troubles me, and when she's using the tablet she becomes deaf and blind to everything else around her, which doesn't seem healthy.

My daughter started at a paperless school in year 7, where they all have iPads. So she got her's at 11 and a half. She is a sunny helpful girl, but I have definitely seen a decline in the amount of time she spends reading. If school had not precipitated getting one I doubt she would have one now, it's very addictive, and of limited value.
I do have good support in my patenting though , my oh is very engaged with our kids, maybe of I were on my own I would be happier for her to be occupied by her iPad.

Fair enough if the school doesn't mind and your DC won't be behind the other kids by not having early exposure.

For me the ipad is like everything else to do with kids, - in moderation and with good parenting it's fine. My dsd got the use of one at 3 because the school she goes to wanted her to get used to it. It's not 'hers'. She uses it for schoolwork or for things I want her to experience (love coding apps), but it belongs to me & I have always reserved the right to take it away if I see it's becoming a problem. She's 8 now and has the use of a phone too as she goes to school some distance away & needs it to call me for a lift - but when we come home it goes into a locked drawer.

My daughter isn't a screen zombie. She's a bright articulate girl who loves playing and running around - but she also has adequately parented technology time. And now because of it, she has learned how to program in Java and can create simple applications, something that's also improved her maths and logic skills. So yeah technology isn't bad at all with good parenting.

I don't think YABU OP! I don't like seeing young children and toddlers with phones and tablets in their hands, fixated on the screen and not looking up for a second.

My DN is 2 and a half and she always has her dads phone in her hand with some kids programme or game on. She's been able to use it since she was maybe 10 months old, scrolling and swiping through pictures etc. You call her name or ask her a question and she doesn't even look up.

DP and I don't want this for our 5 month old DS and have made it very clear to all family but BIL insists on shoving his phone in DS's face at every opportunity to show him pictures or the camera of himself. And every time I say please don't, he makes some smug comment and it makes me so mad.

I have the telly on most of the time and he likes to watch it sometimes, it takes his attention away from teething pain etc but when he's a bit older I will be limiting how much to he does watch. If he tries to look at or grab my phone I put it down and play with him.

It is absolutely your choice and no one else's! Tell them where to shove their tablet!

It's your decision ultimately.

I think you are wrong but that's my opinion.

There a big difference between using an interactive phonics or maths app, or doing jigsaws/drawing painting or just passively watching rubbish on YouTube.

Using tech is a vital skill and like learning anything, kids are best at it the younger they are exposed. iPads are astonishing for someone who grew up without even a PC at home, my DD learns so much.

I know I'd rather support and guide their learning while they are small in an age appropriate way.

We also travel a lot and having such a wide variety of games and fun in a small package is a godsend. (Yes I do also take a bag of toys but they only entertain for so long).

It's a strange thing to take such a stance on, but very common on here.

If you can keep them away for as long as you can. Yes at the time it seems like a great idea, but they're so addictive. My DC's have the latest Kindle Fire, but any games they had on iOS means they fight over my phone and who has the rights to my old phone. Interestingly they know Daddy has an old phone and never question it.

I went on my old phone last night, DS got up and was looking for it. He was visibly pissed off that I dared to touch it. It's mine.

I guess it depends what kind of childhood you want your kids to have. But I really hate that even car journeys and meals out they're glued. So anti social, but keeps them quiet, but also annoying.

For car trips they're good as you can put YouTube on, if you introduced it I'd consider educational games, having a family device so there's no ownership issues.

Trifle - I should have put a on my post I'm not defensive at all! My boys were bought tablets at age 5 or 6 I think, so youngest used it too at about 3.

(Mine do watch rubbish on YouTube btw, I'd rather they didn't but they like it, and if I'm allowed down time to watch shit on telly then I think they should be allowed too)

I agree with you and my DC are much older.

I always think it's amusing on these threads when people say 'using tech is a very important skill and they should learn it.'

Yes it is but it takes about 5 minutes to work out how to use an iPad. They hardly need training from a young age.

Not unreasonable at all, good luck with enforcing it though.

We had the same issue with DD. The third grandchild, MIL in particular was very keen to let her watch nursery rhymes, play goodnight app etc. I tried to be polite about it and just kept suggesting other things to do when she brought it up. I should have explicitly said no, but I was trying to be non-confrontational. What this inevitably meant was the first time she babysat I came home to find DD on her lap entranced.

Don't even get me started on the constant comments about how she needed a Leappad for her first birthday (!). In the end the only way we could nip it in the bud was saying we wanted to get it for her as a big sister gift.

To be fair though, all is not lost. DD now uses the iPad after bath for 15 minutes (under supervision, while I'm sorting out DS) but doesn't shout about having it for any more than that.

I feel for you though and can totally relate.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow: Fair enough, sorry!

Mine will definitely be watching TV. We've been watching Doctor Who all morning and she is only a few weeks

Playmobilepeacock. That depends on what you mean by using it. My 4 year old plays various coding games that allow him to create his own cartoons with moving characters and audio that he records himself and inserts into the points of the action that he wants. From that he has moved on to programming the various robots we have to follow a set sequence of actions. Now I set up a maze and he works out the actions the robot will need to take to clear it, programmes the route on his tablet and sends it on it's way. It's an amazing lesson in so many subjects from very basic coding, critical thinking, strategic thinking, spacial relations, mechanical apptitude development to quite complicated mental arithmetic. But he doesn't know any of that, he's just helping BB8 elude the First Order and bring a message to General Organa.

Having the means to help his young brain develop like that while being able to play such totally awesome games is an absolute privilege that just wasn't possible even 5 years ago. There is no actual evidence that that kind of screen time is harmful and plenty to show that it's massively beneficial. Especially considering the snowballing rate of technological advancement we are currently experiencing.

I'd delay, I found 'educational ' apps allowed me to be a lazy parent. So instead of ignoring the housework and sitting together and reading a story, an app could do that - yes the house was cleaner was n't playing candy crush oh no I realised what was happening banned devices and in one way it is harder work, I have less time but in the long run it's worked out better.

I was chatting to the early years teaching assistents and the older ones are clocking that the kids are coming in the 'swiping' skills but basic stuff like speech development, hand/eye co-ordination and basic care skills have quickly dived since the advent of cheap smart phones. I think you really need those in place before coding!

I'd also put it off for as long as possible. Mine (9&5) both have their own, and sometimes it's great, they join worlds on Minecraft, and build houses together, but mostly they're a pain in the arse, they're very addictive.

If he's happy and entertained already, another year or two at a push won't hurt, just say.... Ah, not yet thanks.... And repeat! He's your child, don't feel pressured.

'Playmobil' - my 8 year old daughter learned how to code in Java using ipad apps, and she is also using it to learn Spanish by facetiming her Spanish penfriend where they take turns to speak in the others languages. She can now design simple mathematical applications and is now working on the app design for a game that DH will (if good) try and sell for her on the Apple Store . All your comment does is show the woeful lack of imagination some people have about technology.

They're your kids and if you don't want them on the ipads etc then thats your choice. It doesn't matter if other people disagree with your methods, they're your kids. My nan wanted to feed my dd solids at 8 weeks and my FIL bought her a milky bar at 3 1/2 months, but back in their day that was how it was done, my nan fed me boiled eggs at 6 weeks old :/. I know that's not the same as apps but just because they have different ways of doing things it doesn't mean they can overrule yoj

Derlei, I don't put the telly on during the daytime either. I didn't think it was considered unusual.

derlei no, I mean I watch tv sometimes in the evenings if there's something I want to watch, but I don't particularly like having it on for background noise. I'm quite a quiet person and between DS shouting 'ahaha mamamama' all day and the washing machine, the road outside etc. I find the extra noise a bit irritating. I occasionally listen to the radio but I only like music not so much chat shows.

I learned how to code long before tablets.

There are many ways to do it. I'm lucky to have a great local preschool where they teach coding with robots.

Being realistic, most people aren't facilitating their child's future programming skills. They are putting on apps and videos to keep their child entertained while they get on with other things.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I put on a DVD so I can cook or clean, but it's not necessary. A 4 year old doesn't 'need' to make cartoons or learn to code.

It's a convenience, not a necessity.

In my opinion of course. I'm raising my children as I see fit and I'm doing that without iPads for now.

Ooh I forgot when he was a tiny newborn who was either feeding or asleep (jaundice) I used to watch a lot of the food network to keep my company.