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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to decide if/when my children are introduced to iPad/tablet?

132 replies

Bejeena · 02/02/2017 10:05

Title says it all really.

My children are 3.5 and almost 1

I am fully aware that screen time for them is inevitable but I personally think that my oldest is not ready. He has more than enough to keep him entertained and learn from his toys. I do also let him watch TV in moderation.

However grandparents seem insistent that he would benefit from games/apps etc on the ipad. I personally think he has too much going on already. I know it is going to be an issue next time they (in-laws) come over and I feel like they want to overrule my decision. They keep showing my husband apps they use with other grandchildren to try and get him to agree and allow it. On the whole my husband is with me on the no tablets but isn't that against him having a go on grandparents one. I am, I feel it is our decision when we start him on things like this. Of course husband's family all think I am being mean and trying to be controlling.

For what is worth no they don't provide us with any childcare apart from odd night for us to go out whilst they are in bed (say once or twice a year).

Is my wish that unreasonable?

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 02/02/2017 14:47

Actually, out of interest, how much do iPads/tablets cost?!

Summerlovin24 · 02/02/2017 14:51

Wayyyyyy too young

Aki23 · 02/02/2017 14:52

Reading some of the other comments I feel less judgmental now - phew - i still get amused by my mum saying I would need a tv licence for CBBCs. DS has never watched it and we dont miss normal tv. We have a tv and netflix/sky/amazon (last two shared from cousins) but watch the odd thing now and then but prefer to do things. DS can entertain himself pretty well at 7 months with an array of toys/activity ring so I can nip to the loo/wipe down the kitchen and fold the laundry with him in eyesight or next room :)

Aki23 · 02/02/2017 14:53

Turquoise - anywhere from £100 to £500 depending on brand and whether a child one or not

Witchend · 02/02/2017 15:03

I remember hearing a preschool teacher comment that she could always tell the ones not allowed screen time at home before the parent complained as they were always the ones who had to be told to come off the computer/iPad because they'd been on too long. Most other children self regulated themselves.

Bestthingever · 02/02/2017 15:14

YANBU. It's up to you how you want to raise your children. However it won't do much damage if your ds plays on it at his gps. My dcs' cousins on both sides have tablets. My youngest dc will play on it when we are visiting but has never asked for one for herself. Its probably because we don't have tablets ourselves so she's following our example which is probably something you should bear in mind.

lemureyes · 02/02/2017 15:23

It's your decision and you need to stand by it!

Personally I don't think children should be using devices so young. Too many times have I seen mums handing their toddler their phone in order to pacify them. They should be quite happy with the toys you give them and also interaction from other people. 😊

HelpMeHelpDS · 02/02/2017 16:03

OP, it strikes me you've got two things going on here.

One the fact your PIL's want to coerce you into accepting screen time against your wishes. I'm a great believer is starting as you mean to go on! Don't buckle! Maybe you could reach a compromise with allowing it st their house only, or something.

Secondly is your apparent indecision over how to play it. All I will say to that is, whatever you choose isn't irreversible. We allowed iPad for our 3-4 year old until it became addictive, then we had to reduce it first, and then put it away altogether. It had begun to change his behaviour and he went back to being a sunny, compliant child, happy to play or go outside again.

He uses technology at school which is fjne, and at the moment we only allow school work to be done st home (after a Christmas of hell because he was addicted to the devices again!).

Acunningruse · 02/02/2017 16:05

Not to derail thread but could anyone recommend some educational apps/games for preschoolers?

Acunningruse · 02/02/2017 16:06

Please Grin

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 02/02/2017 16:24

@ACunningRuse My 3yo really likes ABC Phonics. I think it was about £10, but she's had hours of fun from it. Silly songs about the letter sounds, an activity for each letter where you pop bubbles or crack an egg and each time you pop one it makes the sound, and a guided drawing of each letter.

DD uses my ipad for about 15-20 minutes in the morning while she's drinking her milk and I'm getting ready for work. She either plays on apps or watches kids' programmes on Youtube. She knows that once Daddy's finished in the bathroom it's time to go for a wee and put her shoes on, no drama and no demands for it the rest of the time. I'm happy for her to use it in moderation.

Allthewaves · 02/02/2017 16:26

My 3.5 year does phonics and maths apps for 30mins each night. We sit together and do them

BertrandRussell · 02/02/2017 16:28

Maybe it could be something they only do with their grandparents when they visit? It's going to be a bit difficult to hold the line if their cousins all use them.

KERALA1 · 02/02/2017 17:46

Good for you. Hold off as long as possible.

mylaptopismylapdog · 02/02/2017 20:22

Given the age the grandparents probably fist encountered an iPad can they not see that they are not the be all and end all, generations of kids have grown up to have fulfilling lives without them. There is a lot more to see in the world than a screen.

LieInsAreExtinct · 02/02/2017 20:55

I would keep them off it for a few more years, but I do think it's OK to have different rules at GPs, especially if it makes the dc want to go and stay with them when they are older!

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 02/02/2017 22:11

I have a 4 and 2 year old (and soon to be newborn) and we have no tablets in the house and the kids don't use mine or dhs phone. Its not coz we are 'precious' at all its coz I don't see the need. If they use them at school that's fine but I don't see the need to use them at home. I think its to easy to get into a habit of handing devices over at home or when out and I'd rather not start that, at least not now. Went for a meal and kids on nearly every table sat there on a tablet or phone. I take colouring books and crayons for mine for if they start getting bored.

LittleMissCrazyMama · 02/02/2017 23:30

You're not being controlling, you're being the parent. They're your children, not the in-laws. It's absolutely nothing to do with them. You husband needs to back you on this 100% so you don't get blamed. I've no time for interfering in laws. Tell them to mind their own business and respect you as their mother and your choices for your children.

TurquoiseDress · 03/02/2017 00:06

Aki23
Thanks for the approximate figures.

Wow- I would not be spending 100 quid let alone 500 on something like that!

Yes I'm tight but I think it's not unreasonable to not want to spend this amount.

Ohmuther · 03/02/2017 00:13

YANBU
you are the parent. you get to decide.
My house. My rules.

End of.

seventhgonickname · 03/02/2017 00:22

I never saw a need when mine was little,new words learnt with parents,recognising letters when book read at bed time,lots of time outside,imaginary play,basic maths adding up 1and2 P sweets on a Saturday.
Let her use limited time when she was about7,cbbs games.Now 13 almost always looking at a screen...

glitterazi · 03/02/2017 00:22

Not read all the replies, but we've had a similar situation here. Ages 3 and 1 ? No way should you be feeling pressurised into screen time, that's still so early.
There's plenty of time for that when they get to school. Eldest DS, high school. They're expected to do homework and research on the internet/computer.
Primary school though? No. Stick to your guns, as I've had an awful lot of grief about not allowing tellies into bedrooms.
"Aw, they need one, what harm is it doing if I get one?!" Erm, we said no. They're not deprived with a telly/video downstairs but nowhere elsevin the house, Confused

Sara107 · 03/02/2017 17:56

It's your choice of course. We all developed perfectly adequately before tablets were invented. My dD uses computers a lot at school though, and quite often her homework involves playing a game online - Sumdog, Galactic phonics etc. She's in year 2.

Craigie · 03/02/2017 18:05

Hold off on having that technology in your home for as long as you can. Once they're hooked, they"re hooked.

Screwinthetuna · 03/02/2017 18:08

I've just introduced my 2 a half year old (my eldest was really good by this age, oops) as they have started using it sometimes in preschool and I didn't want her struggling.

As long as they aren't on it too much, I don't see the problem and think it can be a good thing!