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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my colleague for hitting me

821 replies

QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 21:43

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP posts:
AskBasil · 31/01/2017 22:26

Fuck me, women on here pretending that a bloke doesn't know his own strength and that it's the same what he did, as flapping a newspaper at someone.

Domestic Violence refuges are closing down and women are going to die because of this.

And this fucking attitude, of minimising male violence and pretending that what the OP did is the same as what her violent nasty colleague did, is part and parcel of the reason why.

The government knows that lots of women are handmaids and find it more important to have male approval, than to stick up for women who are victimised by male violence.

This man is a nasty bastard and you know what, there isn't a decent man online who would stick up for him. Women, FFS stop bending over backwards to excuse him, a decent man wouldn't feel the need to.

Yes, report the bastard. And don't give him any quarter at all about the newspaper - be very very clear, that there's no way it could have hurt him and that his response was unbelievably hostile and violent. Let him know he's been spotted.

foxyloxy78 · 31/01/2017 22:26

Report him.

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 22:27

He realised he had an excuse to hit you and took full advantage.

^This.

Goldmandra please tell me she left the abusive twat?

LouisevilleLlama · 31/01/2017 22:28

DJBaggySmalls

First you say you didn't hit him but tapped him with a newspaper then you say degrees of force don't matter so which is it?

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 22:28

Hear, hear AskBasil

londonrach · 31/01/2017 22:29

Op. id report him but you did hit first even if you think its banter.

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 22:30

If the guy hit as hard as the op said there would be a bruise.

HumphreyCobblers · 31/01/2017 22:30

Fuck me, women on here pretending that a bloke doesn't know his own strength and that it's the same what he did, as flapping a newspaper at someone.

YY to this.

Thank goodness some sensible voices appeared on this thread. I was about to explode. The OP reads clearly and I can just imagine how that panned out. I have known a few people who would have reacted like that man. He couldn't stand being the object of mild ribbing and lashed out.

SaucyJack · 31/01/2017 22:30

Neither of you come out of this smelling of roses.

You are both a pair of bullies- albeit in very different ways.

Why not try responding to your colleagues in a courteous and pleasant manner in future? Just for shits and giggles, like.

Zanymummy · 31/01/2017 22:31

Chloe84 No it hasn't I'm asking her from a neutral viewpoint as this is exactly what he will come back with. Both their behaviour was unacceptable yes his was disproportionate but he will claim that and drag her down with him if he is that kind of person. I do object to being accused to an excuser of violence against another woman.

Foxysoxy01 · 31/01/2017 22:32

FFS the bloke wouldn't have even touched the OP if she hadn't hit him first!!

What is wrong with people smh.

OP invited 'banter' and play tapping/hitting by hitting him with a paper first after having been rude.....sorry having 'banter'with him.

OP sounds like she was showing off in front of colleagues who all dislike the bloke and was being a passive aggressive bully then she get irate about the bloke hitting her back.

A really simple way to stop this happening in future is to NOT initiate hitting.

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 22:33

Not necessarily, bumsex. I don't bruise easily at all. A slap/punch would hurt me very much but I rarely bruise, just get a bit red

OP any chance CCTV caught it?

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 22:33

No-one on this was there though. The guy could have got a fair whack and just done the same back but the op didn't like being on the receiving end.
What would people be saying if the guy hit the op with a rolled up newspaper and she gave him a dig back in the arm and he was now threatening to report her saying the newspaper thing was just bantz.
I've always just not hit my colleagues at all and never had an issue.

RebelRogue · 31/01/2017 22:33

He realised he had an excuse to hit you and took full advantage.

I think this is a good point. The guy is a dick and had the perfect excuse to show you exactly whom you were talking to. However will your workplace/HR see it the same way? Or will you get in trouble as well as "instigator"?

AskBasil · 31/01/2017 22:33

And this:"He realised he had an excuse to hit you and took full advantage."

YYYYYYY. Yes a million times.

And tell that to HR.

Be honest. Say "I realise my behaviour was inappropriate, but he took it as an excuse to respond with incredible disproportionate force, the way abusive men do."

Don't let them minimise it. Don't let them pretend that it's six of one and half a dozen of the other. It isn't. It's two of one and eleven of the other.

Mynestisfullofempty · 31/01/2017 22:34

It sounds to me as if he dislikes you at least as much as you dislike him, the "tap" you gave him irritated him, so he reacted. It's up to you whether you report him, but I wouldn't in your place.

Goldmandra · 31/01/2017 22:34

Goldmandra please tell me she left the abusive twat?

Yes but not until it had escalated considerably. She is much happier now.

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 22:36

Maybe the op realised she had an excuse to hit this colleague who she has never liked.

AskBasil · 31/01/2017 22:36

If you are pretending that this man's behaviour was proportionate and that the OP deserved it because of her initial misjudged and inappropriate behaviour, then yes, you are fucking defending men being violent against women and pretending it's OK.

I tell you what, if you ask any decent man if they would do this to a woman, they will say no.

Men won't defend this behaviour. Well, decent men won't, anyway.

CherrySkull · 31/01/2017 22:37

Basil, thank god for common sense, i was reading down this thread and i can't believe the excuses and minimising.

Wafting a newspaper at someone is NOT the go ahead to punch someone in response.

Please report him, its assault.

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 22:37

Zanymummy sorry, I must have misunderstood, thanks for clarifying

AskBasil · 31/01/2017 22:38

No bumsex, she didn't have an excuse to hit him.

She behaved inappropriately and passive aggressively imo.

He responded with violence, knowing that he might get away with it because the OP's workplace might be full of Male Violence Apologists like on this thread.

hmcAsWas · 31/01/2017 22:38

You say that immediately after you turned to another colleague to talk to them - so someone else was there to witness this incident? What did they make of the whole thing?

HumphreyCobblers · 31/01/2017 22:38

Probably the real reason he hit the OP was that she verbally pulled him up on his rudeness. Some men (especially one who, from the OP, has a history of being rude to other colleagues) would resent being 'pulled up' by a woman. The OP says she flapped her newspaper at him. That she tapped him and was surprised by his disproportionately violent come back.

Flapping your newspaper at someone is not the same as hitting them hard. I can't believe people are justifying him.

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 22:39

Plenty of decent men would 'banter' with others if they instigated it. People on here are defending a man being hit for talking in a way the op didn't like.