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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my colleague for hitting me

821 replies

QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 21:43

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 22:11

Based on what we know of your character from this thread, I doubt you will actually herd this advice.

OMG this is a bit insulting Hmm this thread doesn't summarise my character! I'm here for advice and therefore hope to heed some of it!

OP posts:
AntiGrinch · 31/01/2017 22:11

You both sound really annoying. I get really irritated with people who egg people on with "banter" and insist they don't like it - either they actually don't like it and are pathetic people-pleasers, or they do, but are somehow trying to dissociate themselves from it.

you can report him but he will say you hit him first and it was only a joke and they pair of you love a joke.

"banter" is shit anyway and pathetic and annoying

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 22:12

Not sure where you're from but round my way hitting someone with a newspaper isn't particularly polite.
Unless you want to be disciplined yourself I really wouldn't report it. Just don't hit anyone at work (even lightly) and you wont have any more problems.

jacks11 · 31/01/2017 22:12

He was in the wrong to hit you. What you do next, I think, depends if you believe he intended to hurt you. If you believe he did, then report it. If you think he doesn't know his own strength/accidently hit you then speak to him about it and take it from there.

Although, that said be prepared for him to say you instigated it by hitting him (however lightly). Were there any other witnesses?

MichaelSheensNextDW · 31/01/2017 22:12

I think you were extremely provocative.
He shouldn't have hit you, of course not.
But, your behaviour toward him was sanctimonious and aggravating. Tapping with a newspaper is what you do to a naughty puppy. I would go apeshit at someone for doing it to me (not physically, but I would make a massive fuss and insist on you being disciplined for disrespectful behaviour and unwanted physical contact).
I wonder what @flowery would advise.

DJBaggySmalls · 31/01/2017 22:13

You didnt hit him. You tapped him with a newspaper. I doubt he has a bruise but he does have an attitude problem.

If he;s left a mark, report it.
If not talk to HR about the incident and see what they say. they may have had other reports about him.

gpignname · 31/01/2017 22:16

Do you think you will have a large bruise or mark from where he hit you?

Zanymummy · 31/01/2017 22:16

Could it be he didn't realize how hard he hit you back thinking it was still in the spirit of banter? If not then keep it solely professional and although you flicked him lightly it is still uninvited physical contact, He could counter claim assault or unwelcome physical contact landing you in as much bother as him so puts you in a bad place to report him.

Foxysoxy01 · 31/01/2017 22:17

It really doesn't matter how hard you hit him, you hit him first.

You need to make a point of not hitting anyone in the workplace even if it is just a flick with the newspaper.

I have been play fighting with my OH before and playfully punched his arm. Apparently I have a hard punch as he said really hurt and went quite quiet (I thought he might have tears in his eyes and I felt absolutely awful!) maybe the bloke is the same and really didn't realise how hard his hit was! I know that doesn't excuse him doing it but you did instigate it.

You can't have one rule for you and another for him either nobody hits or you take your chances if you hit someone bigger than you.

PrettyBotanicals · 31/01/2017 22:17

But you were verbally aggressive and hit him; I'm afraid you are just as bad. Degrees of force are irrelevant I think.

You behaved unprofessionally and I'd find it hard to sympathise I'm afraid.

He may well claim that you (who all dislike him) pushed him to snap after a long time of verbal bullying.

Be very careful and scrupulously professional in future dealings. For everyone's sake.

scottishdiem · 31/01/2017 22:17

His response to your act may have been more powerful and I wonder if he knows how disproportionate his actions are to your sensation of it. It was something you started. If you don't want "violated" do not "violate" the personal space of others.

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 22:17

It would be interesting to hear the other side. Maybe what the op meant/described as a 'tap' would be described differently.

7SunshineSeven7 · 31/01/2017 22:18

You hit him first, he hit back. Is there a mark?

I felt really violated. < This is a massive over reaction, he hit you on the arm, bloody hell.

You asked for advice and the majority is that you're being oversensitive and its your own fault for starting it all. You sound like a child who hit first, got hit back harder and then went crying to mother. I agree with PP about this whole ''we'' don't like him and ''we'' tolerate him. Why are you having banter and play hitting someone you only just tolerate?

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 22:19

Reporting him would be really unfair, you DID hit him first, and as i said i doubt he had any intention of it hurting you. Why not TALK to him and explain he hurt you, i bet the poor bloke would be mortified to have hurt you unintentionally. Having it go on his record or be investigated in the circumstances you've given would be really unfair if it were accidental.

Some women really live on another planet. The guy walloped someone and you're calling him 'poor'?!

Yes, OP shouldn't have tapped him with the paper but his response was not proportionate

OP, please do report this. Maybe it will stop him doing it to someone else.

MingeFog · 31/01/2017 22:19

I disagree with a lot of posters here - he sounds like a piece of work. He over-reacted and wanted to get one back at you by retaliating in an OTT fashion. Be prepared for him to make a lot of you with the newspaper though.

P00pchute · 31/01/2017 22:20

Wow, this forum isn't really great with shades of grey is it? A playful tap on the arm in jest does not invite a full force punch in return. That's the most black and white bollocks I've ever heard. That's not a simple like for like exchange, it's a hugely disproportionate response, and I find it quite worrying that some people can't tell the difference?

Wondermoomin · 31/01/2017 22:21

You were both very much in the wrong.

You could either report it - and the correct course of action would be both of you being disciplined - or you could put it down to a lesson learned and behave more appropriately at work - especially with this individual.

Honestly, I'm amazed that you think you've been wronged or are the victim in all this Confused

DJBaggySmalls · 31/01/2017 22:22

Is Reddit leaking again? Degrees of force are not irrelevant.

thisismyfirsttime · 31/01/2017 22:22

I think if you take this further it'd be 6 to one and half dozen to the other, with you as the instigator of the hitting. Were there witnesses? Because if you say 'I tapped him and he hit me!' He could say 'she tapped me and I tapped her back! She started it!' It wouldn't stand up. Maybe in the future think about how far you're prepared to banter before you start it? Did he punch or slap? If you don't like banter that's fine and you could have just told him you were on a break and will deal with it when you're back professionally, no-one hits anyone then!

Goldmandra · 31/01/2017 22:23

This is what abusive people do.

A family member of mine once waved a silicone place mat near her boyfriend's face in jest. He took it off her and slapped her hard across the face with it, leaving a mark and her in tears. He then told her it was her own fault for trying to hit him with it.

It sounds like this guy is the same type of person. He realised he had an excuse to hit you and took full advantage.

Waltermittythesequel · 31/01/2017 22:23

He shouldn't have hit you hard under any circumstances.

You shouldn't have 'jokingly' pulled him up in front of everyone and then 'jokingly' hit him.

The thing is, you can't prove that yours was a joke but his was serious IYSWIM.

I'm sorry he was such a dick though.

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 22:24

Could it be he didn't realize how hard he hit you back thinking it was still in the spirit of banter?

Fucking hell, the excusing of violent behaviour has now started.

WhichEndIsUp · 31/01/2017 22:25

What? Since when is it ok for a big bloke to hit a woman hard enough to hurt - for any reason?! Nobody should be hitting anyone, no, but I cannot see how a light brush with an open newspaper is equivalent to a hard hit on the arm.
Seriously weird place, this.

BarbarianMum · 31/01/2017 22:25

Being hit or even "tapped" can be very triggering even if it doesn't hurt, depending on your past. I personally have absolutely no tolerance for it, no matter how much I like the person, even if it's done in jest - I just react as if its a hugely threatening attack (which in the moment is what it feels like).

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 22:26

I suspect if it was the other guy posting it would be a whack with a newspaper and a playful tap on the arm though. And the op hitting first.
No visible mark has been mentioned awaits drip feed with shoulder to wrist plaster cast and it reads a lot like the op is minimising what she did and maximising what she received back.

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