To report my colleague for hitting me

[QueenyLaverne]

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP

I am sorry you have had to read such shit. I am also sorry that there are this many people who think a swat with a paper is worthy of being hit hard in the arm.

If someone much weaker than I am hit me I wouldn't smack them one back hard either, because I don't need to use more force.

My son knew that by the time he was about 13. Just as he knows, that when our 5 year old neighbour plays Star Wars with him and gets rough, he doesn't use the same force the 5 year old uses with him.

Normal decent men know all this. They don't need it explained.

Yep.

Don't banter with people you don't like - because it's not actually banter, its winding up

The op is clearly playing down her role to almost nothing yet the other guy hit her so hard she had tears in her eyes but she said nothing and no mention of an injury?

You've been on MN long enough to know shock sometimes prevents people from reacting at the time.

I know I have.

A colleague recently burnt my hand by mistake and I couldn't get a word out for ages. Literally not a word fit she's, the shock was that great.

AskBasil

My question stands, regardless of whether, in response, Y bursts into tears, runs off, does nothing, resigns, shouts angrily, or, as in this case, punches me on the arm.

Are you able to deal with my question?

Oh, for the record, I don't believe a swat with a paper is equal to or deserving of a punch in the arm.

Let's put it this way.. how many of you would've hit back? If not why not?

"Sorry being female does not give you a pass when it comes to this type of behaviour. Op instigated event. She bears responsibility for what happened. She struck first."

So do you tell a 5 year old who has just been knocked over and hurt by a 12 year old, that he struck first, so the 12 year old did nothing wrong?

Or do you teach your children that they don't hurt people smaller and weaker than them?

Sorry being female does not give you a pass when it comes to this type of behaviour. Op instigated event. She bears responsibility for what happened. She struck first.,

If my 13 year old son hit my 17 year old son my 17 year old son wouldn't hit him back hard. It wouldn't matter to him who started it. He would probably grab his wrists to stop him. That would be it.

He understands that just because someone hits you doesn't mean you should hit them twice as hard when he can do much more damage.

Hitting with a newspaper does not mean she deserves to be hurt.

Some massive over reactions on this thread I think.

OP, you instigate the 'hitting' by tapping him with the newspaper.

It's too late now but "Ouch! That was too hard", would have been a far better response than saying nothing, and then deciding to go and report him later.

That ship has sailed now but I think reporting him won't make either of you look good. It's all very childish and none of this behaviour belongs in the work place, especially with someone you don't even like.

If this happened with a female colleague who you get on really well with, would you still be inclined to go and report her?

As a manager, if this was reported to me, I couldn't not discipline both sides. If it occurred as has been reported here then of course it's a disproportionate response, but both sides would've breached the expected levels of conduct.

Taken in isolation, a person lamping their colleague is pretty clearly gross misconduct. A playful whack with a newspaper, again in isolation, might warrant an informal warning. How the OP's organisation deals with the combination of these in this whole incident depends on the different accounts put forward - what did the colleague who witnessed it all say about it? If he hit out that hard and the OP had tears in her eyes, the other colleague must have noticed this..?

I worked somewhere that had lots of young lads - we used to play the circle game (a la Malcolm in the Middle). If you lost you got punched on the arm (hard). I was the only female who played it. That was 'banter' because I basically consented to it.

If you don't like someone, then keep things professional.

Agreed with others on this thread. You started this OP. You hit him first. Be wary because you could be disciplined if you report him.

I don't accept the validity of your question PigletJohn.

The OP isn't asking about her own behaviour. FWIW I don't approve of what she did, not because it was violent, like the guy who hit her, but because it was unprofessional and inappropriate.

She is asking if she should report his behaviour. What is your argument, that bigger, stronger people should be allowed to assault smaller weaker people if those smaller weaker people behaviour badly?

Is walloping the same as punching, or is more like cuffing someone on the arm? IMO, punching is aggressive, whereas cuffing is something people (typically men) do to one another when they're joking around.

Also, what was the "something else," that he said? Did OP ever say?

I think your problem is that he will be able to put you in a negative light too (e.g. She humiliated me and hit me first) so HR/Management may hold you to blame as well (that way they get to avoid dealing with the issue in more depth). If he is abusive then this will justify his actions in his mind.

I am sorry this happened to you and I would remain formal and distant from him from now on.

You started it and he retaliated. Don't give it out if you can't take it.

I was just going to say it's weird how 'walloped' (the OP's words)

Has now been changed to 'punched' by some people on this thread.

I'm losing respect for an ever increasing number of posters on this thread. The concept of proportionality of response seems to be eluding a lot of people.

God this thread is depressing. It's like everyone is so desperate to not be seen as unfair to men that they cannot see what is just common sense.

If you want to show men the respect they deserve then give them the bloody credit of being able to control themselves and recognise that a light flick with a newspaper does not merit a painful punch on the arm.

They're not morons you know.

AskBasil

I have made no comment, so far, on the actions of Y.

It appears you are unwilling to comment on the actions of X.

The words you attempt to put into my mouth have no foundation.

OP said she ''felt tearful'' and then said she had tears in her eyes. These are two completely different things.

Was it open palm? Cuffed hand? Loose fist? Clenched fist? All completely different things too.

And women are not morons either. I'm tired of people trying to give women a free pass.

The OP behaved inappropriately and unprofessionally in tapping the guy with a newspaper.

If he found this offensive, unpleasant or triggering, he should have either told her or raised it with HR. Even if the newspaper tap was harder than she realised, it was not appropriate or excusable in any way to hit her back.

Punching her hard enough to cause that level of pain and distress was assault and she should report it to HR.

She should expect her behaviour to be addressed as unprofessional. His should be dealt with as gross misconduct.

This is a situation that is exploited by abusive people, particularly in domestic violence. The family member I talked about earlier honestly believed that she was responsible for the fact that she was hit. Her boyfriend no doubt believed she was too.

Banter can easily cause upset and anger. It is never an excuse for violence.

"If this happened with a female colleague who you get on really well with, would you still be inclined to go and report her?"

FFS if it happened with a female colleague, chances are it wouldn't have hurt as much, because males have greater bone density and more muscle mass than females.

In addition, the female who she got on well with, would not have fucking chosen the opportunity to lamp her in the first place, because she wouldn't have been nursing a wish to use violence on her friend

I cannot believe the amount of apologia for violence that is being churned out here.

It's late so I'm off to bed.

OP, you were out of order, but that man is a nasty bastard and a misogynist. And I know this because men who aren't, don't hit women so hard that it hurts us.

wallop/punch are the same thing, its hitting someone.