DH won't denounce Trump. AIBU to expect him to?

[FabulousUsername]

Just wondering if anyone else has encountered this. I haven't been very politically involved in the past but I have a keen sense of right and wrong and I detest Trump's bullying ways. And most everything he says, I'm sure there is no need to explain the revulsion I feel about his leadership. DH would say, at a push, that he's a bit of a monster but that he has a point, that he's a guy who gets things done, he knows 'how the world works'.

I'm seeing patriarchy everywhere...and I feel really aggrieved that H tacitly supports the view that it is our destiny. As a bit of backstory, he does belittle my work and (I now realise) looks down on women generally. For example, joking about men trading in wives for younger models like Trump-- clever guy, eh (me with bored sarcastic eye roll). I've responded to this by saying that the door is open and if he wants to trade me in he's welcome to. But he insists its banter and all men talk like that and that I can't take a joke. Old stuff, really, but in the context of the Trump presidency it suddenly seems crucial for him to realise that this sort of joke isn't acceptable. Not one bit. And it isn't funny to joke about me wanting to march in protest to Trump. I keep thinking he will change and be on my side, so to speak, but so far no sign of it.

Would you choose to 'agree to disagree'? Or would the thought of being married to a Trump apologist be a dealbreaker?

Good way to get people to see that you're on the righteous side

I don't need to get people to see anything. What the fuck do I care what Trump supporters think of anything?

He's said Trump is a bit of a monster. It's not like he's waving pro Trump banners or cheering when he comes on TV.

Don't let Trump ruin your marriage!

YABU to expect him just to agree with you.

Interesting use of the word denounce.

Op can you offer up your DH for a MN Struggle session?

"In general, the victim of a struggle session was forced to admit to various crimes before a crowd of people who would verbally and physically abuse the victim until he or she confessed. Struggle sessions were often held at the workplace of the accused, but were sometimes conducted in sports stadiums where large crowds would gather if the target was famous enough"

We can also bring in some other socialist measures to make sure we all toe the party line, denounce each other, publicly humiliate people who dare to speak out, get DC to rat on parents etc. Its a good effective system, its working beautifully in North Korea, worked a charm in China, still working there of course, in the soviet union and all former eastern bloc counties.

Set up hundreds of concentration camps and gulags....where you throw three generations of the same family for such naughty things as your DH is doing...but you can see everyone would soon fall into line....

I don't need to get people to see anything. What the fuck do I care what Trump supporters think of anything?

A lot, obviously. Hence why you're going off on one on this thread.

Don't let Trump ruin your marriage!

Anybody idiotic enough to let a politician, a politician in another flipping country no less, deserves to have it ruin their marriage.

Haven't read the whole thread, trying to avoid Trump apologists for a while. Your husband doesn't seem to have a good attitude towards women generally, unfortunately.

The aggressive righteousness on this thread is a concern.

You can believe something passionately but be able to transmit it calmly without generalisation or hysteria or black/white personal descriptions. Calling people cunts and being so vicious in even acknowledging other views is bad PR for your own cause. And it is literally the start of every fucking civil war in history.

Obviously, it is good to be outraged by civil injustice. But the problem comes when you turn on other people who aren't perpetuating the injustices and start shouting at them to make yourself feel better.

I am protesting not over the technicalities of the ban or its duration, but because I think the underlying values it expresses are racist. I believe that singling out all Muslims from non-US allied countries as potential terrorists is islamophobic and racist. First of all, it's generalising - it's the global equivalent of banning all Muslims from Leeds from entering London because some of the 7/7 bombers lived there. If you can't see the racism of that, I don't really think you recognise racism at all as a category, you have to be in some way blind to its existence. Second of all, it's counterfactual: every terrorist attack in the last decade in the USA has been carried out by homegrown terrorists or legal permanent residents, and there's no evidence that a stay on immigration from certain countries will have any effect in actually improving safety (my guess would be quite the reverse).

And racism is complex and intersectional. Of course, there is a deplorable amount of white nationalism about but it's also perfectly possible for someone to be a victim of racist or xenophobic or culturally discriminative abuse and to be racist or xenophobic or culturally discriminating against other groups, e.g. Latinos who hate African-Americans, African-Americans who hate Muslims etc. etc. etc.

A lot, obviously. Hence why you're going off on one on this thread

If you're not scared and angry, you haven't understood what's going on. We should all be "going off on one".

I'm friends - good friends - with plenty of people whose political views don't chime at all with my own. I don't expect my social circles to be an echo chamber, and my life is all the richer for it.

But if my significant other refused to denounce a man who is a serial assaulter of women; who has had rape charges withdrawn only because the underage girls involved are frightened of pissing off the most powerful man in the world; who has put a fascist in charge (Steve Bannon - not someone who is a bit right-wing so we call him a fascist for comedic value and whipping up outrage, but an actual fascist who does not respect the rule of law); whose rule has been celebrated by the KKK and called "blessed" by ISIS; and who is busy tweeting on his unsecured android phone about "WW3" (using the phrase "WW3") while being in the possession of the codes to a vast nuclear arsenal, then yes, that'd be a deal-breaker for me.

My mother believes men are superior. He taught her values to me and my brother really well. I suffered greatly as a result. I had A LOT of counselling and am reconciled that I cannot change their views. Personally I wouldn't be married with a man with such beliefs.

That said, I don't know how his view affect you personally. If you can laugh it off and take the piss out of his misogynistic views, that's fine. These views however shit are but only one aspect of them. My brother is a loving husband and a good breadwinner for example. If you weren't brought up in a household such as mine, you likely have more resilience than me for such things. Ltb? That's for you to decide.

If you're not scared and angry, you haven't understood what's going on. We should all be "going off on one".

Nah, mate. I'm perfectly capable of understanding what's going on while keeping my shit together.

They're proud of their complacency, Narky.
It's like a badge of honour to them. Either that or it's a need to normalise Trump, because the brighter ones who voted for Brexit are starting to realise what they've sentenced us to.

OP, you don't have to stay in any marriage or relationship that makes you unhappy. Everyone has a deal breaker and this might be yours.

Take care.

This isn't really about Trump at all. It's about your DH being a misogynist. Only you can decide if you're ok to live with that for the rest of your life.

I'm no fan of Trump, but another vote here for YABU to let your husband's refusal to jump on the anti-Trump hysteria ruin your marriage. I also agree that the bigger problem is he's clearly a bit of a twat, but it's not bothered you much before apparently. It's the 'all men do it' line that particularly gives me the rage.

I'm afraid you are just wrong GreatScot. Obama's 2011 change to the VWP targeted Iraq, not the Gulf States.

If you're bothered about the subjugation of women, were you bothered about Bill too? Bothered about American women marchers supporting Sharia? There are 3 reasons why he would discriminate, appease the charming Christian right/assume a shared faith makes for easier integration, Christians fleeing are assumed by some to be in more danger given apostasy has a death sentence etc, it is unlikely that disgruntled settled Christians would become radicalised jihadists if their lives go tits up in the states and they get angry, he has lists like this in his self-centred head:www.thereligionofpeace.com/attacks/attacks.aspx?Yr=2016

Trump is hugely unpleasant and misogynistic. But acting like he is evil personified, there are truly evil people in the world who do a whole lot worse and you normalise the word by applying it to him.

It sounds symptomatic of a bigger problem in the relationship. I think, in general you can't tell someone what their political views should be, but it's not unreasonable to decide that this is the sticking point for you, and one you will not compromise on.

Either that or it's a need to normalise Trump, because the brighter ones who voted for Brexit are starting to realise what they've sentenced us

Surprised it's taken this long to mention Brexit.

You can believe something passionately but be able to transmit it calmly without generalisation or hysteria or black/white personal descriptions

I CAN. I don't want to.I'm not hysterical, I'm angry. You should be too.

Calling people cunts and being so vicious in even acknowledging other views is bad PR for your own cause. And it is literally the start of every fucking civil war in history

I don't need PR, I don't have a cause. I don't need to convince anyone of anything. I'm merely stating my own thoughts.

And please do tell me how me calling people cunts on the Internet is going to cause a "civil war". I very much doubt I'm even in the same country as you, and as far as I'm aware, I don't have any power to start anything.

So if you could stop talking such utter horseshit just because someone swore, and focus on the point, that would be good.

MuteButtons

It's not just Trump. He's an opportunist; it's who he's appointing to advise him. He's surrounding himself with seriously unpleasant people. Yes, I'd call Steve Bannon evil.

Trump is hugely unpleasant and misogynistic. But acting like he is evil personified, there are truly evil people in the world who do a whole lot worse and you normalise the word by applying it to him.

People turn a blind eye to real evil. I don't get it.