Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's in the wrong?

73 replies

embod · 30/01/2017 23:19

So it's one of my oldest friends birthday (40th) coming up. She lives in London - I don't so was planning on travelling up for the weekend to join in her celebrations. However I found out today there is a chance a big job interview will be happening the following week. This would be a big thing for me - I'm a single mum to two kids and this job could have a huge impact on my family life in terms of our financial security. The interview would also require quite a lot of preparation. As soon as I found out I sent her a message to say this was happening and therefore might not be able to make it but I'd call her tonight.

I've had a really arsey message back with the implication this is just a cop out. I'm afraid as I'm also dealing with a sick child and childcare issue I lost my patience with her and now we've had quite a falling out about it. AIBU to think my friend should understand what a big deal this for me?

OP posts:
KathArtic · 30/01/2017 23:21

Go for the job. Good luck!

DJBaggySmalls · 30/01/2017 23:23

I agree, the interview is a big deal. Its a shame your friend isnt more supportive - good luck!

19lottie82 · 30/01/2017 23:24

Do you have any history of cancelling plans with her?

ChasedByBees · 30/01/2017 23:25

The interview is a big deal, but it's not a direct clash. In her shoes, I would probably also be disappointed that you couldn't do the prep before the weekend of the birthday perhaps.

Grilledaubergines · 30/01/2017 23:25

She's just disappointed - her birthday is a huge deal to her and she's being blinkered as to your situation.

You have to do what's right for you - I.e prep for the interview. When she's put her toys back in the peak and you have your shiny new job suggest going to visit her for the weekend and having a really special time.

Yanbu.

Ameliablue · 30/01/2017 23:26

Depends how much time you have to prepare for the interview.

Grilledaubergines · 30/01/2017 23:26

Pram. Toys back in the pram!

TheAntiBoop · 30/01/2017 23:28

How far were you travelling?

Original poster
embod · 30/01/2017 23:29

Thanks for your responses
No history of cancelling plans but with her in London and me a single mum she visits here more than I visit her (although her family also live here). It would only be the weekend to prepare as my understanding is we will have a presentation title a few days before.

OP posts:
Original poster
embod · 30/01/2017 23:30

TheAntiBoop a few hours of the train each way.

OP posts:
AddToBasket · 30/01/2017 23:32

Try to make it if you can. Prep in the train or whatever. Just go for the night, don't get wrecked, etc.

HeddaGarbled · 30/01/2017 23:32

Neither of you. You are stressed and busy, she is disappointed. Is there a compromise? e.g. go but just for one day/night rather than the whole weekend?

TheAntiBoop · 30/01/2017 23:32

Was she having a party? Were you taking the kids?

LilacSpatula · 30/01/2017 23:35

Do both. Do the prep in a shorter time and you'll be more relaxed for the interview if you haven't spent all weekend worrying about it.

OneWithTheForce · 30/01/2017 23:36

However I found out today there is a chance a big job interview will be happening the following week.

Just a chance, nothing confirmed? I wouldn't be cancelling any plans on the offchance. TBH, even if it was definitely going to be on the Monday after her birthday I'd still go and at least spend part of the weekend with her. Unless best friend means something different where you're from? Confused

OneWithTheForce · 30/01/2017 23:37

Oops, oldest friend, not best friend. I'm guessing you like her though if you've kept her around the longest Wink

civilfawlty · 30/01/2017 23:43

If she was a true friend, she'd understand. And if you compromise a do less prep so you can go to the birthday celebrations, and then DON'T get the job, you'd always wonder if the lack of prep was the issue (which would lead to resentment). Prioritise your job. Good luck!

BackforGood · 30/01/2017 23:49

Neither of you are 'in the wrong', although I can understand her disappointment if you rarely go up to see her and this is all arranged. She will be thinking 'why can't you do any prep before / after / even on the train journeys' whilst you are super nervous and super focused on the possible interview. Disappointing for both of you - so I wouldn't have raised it until I knew it was a definite, and then I'd be looking at all the realistic possibilities to avoid cancelling.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 30/01/2017 23:50

I don't think either of you are in the wrong however I can see why she may think it's a cop out, but only because we all do different things in different situations. So if she was in your situation, she may decide that she would still go to the birthday, but do as much prep before and after so that both things can be honoured. However, she is not you (obviously!), and you may do things differently in that you need the weekend to prepare and focus without distraction, as this is important to you. You have a sick child which makes the situation more difficult for you. Additionally for her though, in her mind it's not any old birthday - it's her 40th, it's important to her, and good friends dropping out can make someone feel a bit, well, shit. Regardless of the reason. Hope you don't fall out for long over this OP

Bunnyfuller · 30/01/2017 23:58

Do both. Pop to het thing and prep the rest of the time. You can't do it solid 24/7 anyway. Start now by researching company, ethics, values, mission statements etc. If you're not working now you have the week too?

TheNaze73 · 31/01/2017 01:35

I can't see why you can't do both. It wouldn't bother me if I was the friend but, I'd put you in the cop out envelope

gazingatthestars · 31/01/2017 03:38

Yabu you can do both quite easily - they don't conflict with each other. Do some prep on the train up, go home earlier than you would normally. Don't drink quite as much as you would normally so you can prep on Sunday.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2017 03:51

You have a few days, you could prep on the train, it's only the 'chance' of an interview, she visits you more than you visit her, it's her 40th... I would be peeved if I was her.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 31/01/2017 03:56

Text messages are hard to convey the tone.

mirokarikovo · 31/01/2017 04:25

I don't think it is reasonable to cancel for that. OK to perhaps shorten the time you spend in London a little but there is no direct clash and plenty of other ways you can prep for this potential interview.