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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who's in the wrong?

73 replies

embod · 30/01/2017 23:19

So it's one of my oldest friends birthday (40th) coming up. She lives in London - I don't so was planning on travelling up for the weekend to join in her celebrations. However I found out today there is a chance a big job interview will be happening the following week. This would be a big thing for me - I'm a single mum to two kids and this job could have a huge impact on my family life in terms of our financial security. The interview would also require quite a lot of preparation. As soon as I found out I sent her a message to say this was happening and therefore might not be able to make it but I'd call her tonight.

I've had a really arsey message back with the implication this is just a cop out. I'm afraid as I'm also dealing with a sick child and childcare issue I lost my patience with her and now we've had quite a falling out about it. AIBU to think my friend should understand what a big deal this for me?

OP posts:

Original poster

embod · 31/01/2017 07:36

That is the date they want - the panel are meeting next week to confirm the timeline.

OP posts:

YellowDinosaur · 31/01/2017 07:41

So most of you would prioritise a party over an important job interview? Really? Okay....

Again mumsnet at its worst. I haven't had an interview that requires that much preparation so the op must be a shit friend making silly excuses / bad at time management / not applying for a job within her competence. There couldn't possibly be different kinds of interviews that might require a lot more prep.

The op has said she will need this time to prepare. That the interview is onerous. Just because you could bash a presentation of on the train or have managed to prep in a couple of evenings doesn't mean the op is unreasonable because she needs more focused time. And if you were in her shoes and prioritised a party, quite frankly I'd think you were a fool.

If her friend doesn't understand there is nothing the op can do but I think she'd be very unreasonable and self centered.

BadKnee · 31/01/2017 07:42

Job every time. Good luck OP.

Trifleorbust · 31/01/2017 07:44

How far from London do you live?

Original poster

embod · 31/01/2017 07:45

Thanks both - and everyone else who has taken time to respond x

OP posts:

SouthWindsWesterly · 31/01/2017 08:00

2 day interview? I've been on the panel for several of these and you can clearly tell who has taken the time to prepare and those who have done the minimum or are winging it. If the interview is on the Monday, then yes, you cancel and perhaps arrange a belated weekend together afterwards. Good luck with the interview

Babbaganush · 31/01/2017 08:13

I think that any true friend would understand and wish you well!

ShatnersWig · 31/01/2017 08:14

The interview takes priority BUT I think you made a mistake in telling her you might have to cancel in a text message. You should have rung her and explained the situation. I know you planned to do this later, but you should have just made the call and not sent that "pre-warning" text.

Angrybird123 · 31/01/2017 08:28

Sounds like a management teaching job interview - timescales v tight and lots of prep needed. Can't believe some people saying a party is more important. Absolutely the UK needs to prioritise this. Also at the ' get some childcare' to prep comments. Am also a SP full time working. It's v v hard to get time to either socialise or do jobs /diy etc. Clearly some posters on here have no idea of what that kind of life is like.

Trifleorbust · 31/01/2017 08:31

Angrybird123: That's what I was thinking. I used to be in headhunting and usually an interview requiring this amount of prep would be set for a mutually convenient time, but schools for some reason tend to be less flexible and just say 'Monday or nothing'.

Anyway, I think the OP should prioritise the interview. However, she should make sure she only misses the party if that really is her only option.

CurbsideProphet · 31/01/2017 08:39

Best of luck with the interview embod
It's a shame your friend is only focused on her birthday party. FWIW I would also put interview first.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 31/01/2017 08:54

Sounds like a management teaching job interview - timescales v tight and lots of prep needed

Could be, but I have known this sort of thing for industry too.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 31/01/2017 09:02

I would concentrate on getting the job. Your friend probably reacted emotionally at first but if you call her and talk to her I'm sure she'll understand. You could arrange another weekend to celebrate her birthday and make her feel special.

MargotLovedTom1 · 31/01/2017 11:22

People on here just like to have a go. If the OP was the friend complaining her lone parent pal couldn't travel to her birthday party because she had a massively important interview to prepare for, then you could pick and choose responses from the following:

"How selfish you are! The interview is way more important!"

"Cut your friend some slack, she's a lone parent, you have no idea what it's like!"

"You are a grown woman, not a five year old. Don't fall out with a friend about a bloody birthday party!"

"SELFISH! ENTITLED! GROW UP!!!"

I guarantee it .

OP - give the party a miss, go to your interview and good luck.

Ewock · 31/01/2017 11:59

Op this sounds like a potentially great opportunity for you and your family. You should grab it with both hands and prep fornit as you see fit. I wouldn't be going to a party when you only get the title a few days before as you say you will then need to prep a presentation based upon that and will need as much time as you can get. I am quite surprised by people who are saying a party is more important. Your family are more important. Explain to your friend especially the timeline of only receiving the title a few days before. Hopefully she will understand but this is your financial security and you need to take that seriouslu.

Original poster

embod · 31/01/2017 13:31

Thank you for your positive responses. I appreciate people taking the time. It is far too important for my family to risk it. I have contacted my friend to try and offer alternative dates for us to do something together. Hopefully this is something we can get past. X

OP posts:

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges · 31/01/2017 15:17

If your friend is a dick about this, she is no friend.

I can only imagine that the people who think you should prioritise the party are in non professional/unskilled jobs, or have assumed you are because you are a single parent.

There is absolutely no way I'd prioritise a night out over a promotion job interview and I wouldn't expect anyone I know to do so either.

OneWithTheForce · 31/01/2017 15:49

Again mumsnet at its worst.

this has to be the most innaproppriate use of that phrase I have ever seen! Have you been here long? There wasn't enough even any swearing on the thread. I'm going to petition HQ for a klaxon that goes of when that phrase is trotted out so ridiculously.

MN at its worst indeed

MissVictoria · 31/01/2017 16:01

People can be very different so take different views. My sister is a worrier, she preps, preps, re preps, and panics about things like interviews and meetings and exams, she'd spend at least a fortnight revising and worry herself sick and be stressed to the max. Where as i, would spend an hour or two on it, and not feel all the pressure, i actually enjoyed things like exams and wasn't a revision type person , i'm much more confident in my intelligence etc than she is.
Your friend may well be more like me whilst you're more like my sister, i'll never understand the way my sister is, and she's horrified by my approach too.
I can absolutely see why to her, you couldn't just do the prep 2 days earlier to spend the day/weekend with her for her birthday, and have the party as a good chance to wind down, relax and probably benefit you to have a break than be solid at it all weekend. She's not "in the wrong" you just do things differently and she's understandably upset. You are also not "in the wrong" as how you prepare yourself best is subjective, and whilst the interview isn't once in a lifetime, and even as prepped as you could ever be is no guarantee you get the job, its majorly important to you, and naturally providing a better more comfortable life for yourself and your child is going to be your priority.
Hopefully it blows over, and good luck with the interview if it goes ahead!

SomethingBorrowed · 31/01/2017 16:20

OP if you cancel the party, may I suggest offering your friend an alternative, for ex "I won't be able to make it for the big party but I will come to London to see you and treat you for an afternoon tea, when are you available?"
This way you show her you are willing to make an effort to travel and spend time with her.

Original poster

embod · 31/01/2017 22:54

I apologised - my friend accepted. We both recognised we didn't say the right things. She was hurt, I was stressed!

Thank you to everyone who took time to answer

OP posts:

CurbsideProphet · 31/01/2017 23:05

Good result embod - hope your interview goes well!

Only1scoop · 31/01/2017 23:09

Aww fab
Good luck with int

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