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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - shouted at him for scoffing all the biscuits

144 replies

ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 16:57

lots of other stuff going on, and he has form for this. a little background, live overseas. went to uk in november, dm spent her hard-saved pennies buying him a whole bunch of his favourite uk chocolate. also bought the family in general a few boxes and tins of nice m&s biscuits.

bring it back. he took most of the chocolate and gave it away to his parents and brothers... i was pissed enough at that, as my dm doesn't save her money to buy treats for his family.

we've now started eating the biscuits. first box was m&s chocolatey biscuits - brought them out at dessert so everyone, him, me and ds can share. everyone has 1 or 2. then when no one's looking he goes back and eats 2-3 more by himself. so when i bring it out after dinner the next day the box is half gone.

just opened a tin of nice m&s shortbread (the ones they do for xmas time). i ate one last night. had to take sick dog to vet this morning, get back and half the tin is gone!!!

ffs, why can some people not control themselves and scoff the lot, when there are three people in the house who'd like to have some? i've now told him if he can't control himself and think of the other people in the house who'd like to have more than one out of the entire tin, don't have bloody any!

aibu? does this drive anyone else mad?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/01/2017 21:58

I get why you're upset, my husband does something similar, which is if there is something in the fridge or cupboard that is specifically someone else's i.e. They bought it specially and it's theirs, odds are he will just eat it and he will totally finish it, none left.its gone,

We now specially have to tell him. Do not eat that and he doesn't , but if we forget, he is at it. Yesterday I made some egg muffins as low carbing, there is a whole fridge and cupboard full of his fave stuff, and yup, as I didn't say don't eat those, as I never for one moment thought he'd chose them over all the other stuff, he fucking ate them as soon as he came home. Finished them, went to fridge to get one and they were gone.

You just need to tell him, do not eat these or do not eat more than X. Total fuckers I have to say, I totally don't understand the need. I would never eat someone else's food without asking and finishing it totally is shit.

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 21:59

so many other things i could talk about... if you've got time to waste, feel free to make me feel better on my other thread

i'm just glad i'm not the only one this sort of thing pisses off.

OP posts:
Surreyblah · 30/01/2017 21:59

Sounds like you've decided to leave - fair enough! Keep working on that exit plan! Don't let Trump stop you!

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 22:01

i guess my thinking is, if we as rational adults can manage to control our impulses and think about others, why can't they? (with the exception of eating disorders and the like, of course). actually, even DS wouldn't do this - he'll ask for ice cream or something and often not even eat the small portion he's been given.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 30/01/2017 22:01

wants to go on vacation with OW

Say whaaaaat! Shock

I think you have bigger problems than biscuits! You have a husband who doesn't give a fuck about you. Or anyone but himself it seems!

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 22:05

pinkyred - i know... this is just the day to day grind getting me down. i look forward to the day i don't need to live with an adult-sized child, only an actual child. MN has been great to read and double check i'm not a high expectationg high maintenance nagging bitch...

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/01/2017 22:10

Before I go off to read your other thread, this sounds like, given other stuff you have said, very entitled behaviour. It's not about the food, it's about how special he is, and therefore entitled to more stuff, be it food, money, oxygen, whatever, than other mortals. My XH was like this. Greedy in public, would eat DD's Easter eggs etc. Part of a wider picture of being an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive areshole, who I finally ejected when he was looking for a new wife without telling his old one I found that he was online dating. And no, he wasn't like that in the beginning either.

user1480954406 · 30/01/2017 22:12

Am I the only person lolling a bit here at the fury over biscuits? It all just seems a bit petty really? I haven't read your other post op but you say there are other things going on and I think you're potentially blowing this a bit out of proportion....
I mean I can't believe there are paragraphs and paragraphs about the potential reasons why he's scoffed the biscuits. They are BISCUITS?

I don't know if I'm just one of four and stuff like this was commonplace in my house when I was younger, but I think it's all a lot of fuss about nothing.

pinkyredrose · 30/01/2017 22:12

You certainly dont have high expectations. I think your expectations aren't high enough! Meant in the nicest way. He sounds hideous, you could do a lot better. I hope you're getting your ducks in a row with a view to giving him the heave ho?

As an aside why don't you leave some biscuits lying around laced with laxative?

ImperialBlether · 30/01/2017 22:14

User, maybe you should read the other thread about him going on holiday with someone else before you laugh? This is an utterly selfish man.

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 22:18

user - actually that's why i was posting in aibu. my sense of normal has been skewed by essentially gaslighting over the last several years, and i'm always second guessing if my reaction was ott. so... in an otherwise healthy relationship where the scoffer might say, sorry, let me get some more of those biscuits... i might never have posted this.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/01/2017 22:21

'You just need to tell him, do not eat these or do not eat more than X. Total fuckers I have to say, I totally don't understand the need. I would never eat someone else's food without asking and finishing it totally is shit.'

FFS. He's an adult. He does this to spite you.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/01/2017 22:23

No, this is the thin edge of the wedge, as I have alluded to above

WoTmania · 30/01/2017 22:28

YANBU his behaviour is selfish, greedy and totally lacking in consideration for others.

user1480954406 · 30/01/2017 22:32

Sorry, Need to read the other thread, but going by this alone, I get that it's annoying but I guess in my house when I had three brothers it was a case of getting in there before somebody else did. To a degree
I've carried this mentality on as an adult, and my oh wouldn't be annoyed if he thought I'd eaten something I didn't want to share. Has your oh grown up in a big family?

But in answer to your aibu, I would say I'm a healthy relationship, getting this riled
Up over biscuits is a bit dramatic,
But it very much sounds like this runs much deeper than a few m&s biscuits.

Want2bSupermum · 30/01/2017 22:32

Biscuits are the least of your issues. Where in the US are you?

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 22:33

bluntness - i also don't want to have to be policing him, telling him he can only eat his 1/3 of the box. that should be fairly obvious to any remotely thoughtful person wrt a limited resource (in this case limited UK biscuits).

also, just realized i didn't mention that after dinner tonight, he will still expect to eat his dessert share of the shortbread, despite already having eaten more than his 1/3 of the box.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 22:33

Supermum - unfortunately in a very red state :(

OP posts:
user1480954406 · 30/01/2017 22:34

Furthermore, if he's trying to go on holiday with other women I think biscuits are the least of your problems. Bin him. You deserve better and to keep all the biscuits Flowers

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 30/01/2017 22:37

I'm with expat... He knows exactly what he's doing.

So, you get to leave this arsehole AND leave the US? Double win.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 30/01/2017 22:39

Oh user... Do rtfft, thanks.

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 22:39

user - i suppose analytically, i feel this way about the biscuits because while he spouts off about being sorry about OW and doing whatever it takes to make things work, he can't even have the consideration to think others might like their fair share of special treats. (also, not trying, already did multiple times re vacations...)

OP posts:
Screwinthetuna · 30/01/2017 22:42

Doesn't sound like you like him very much, OP,and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Right?

Want2bSupermum · 30/01/2017 22:43

Can you play nice and convince him to move to a blue state such as NJ/CT/MA?

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2017 22:45

FFS. He's an adult. He does this to spite you.

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