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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - shouted at him for scoffing all the biscuits

144 replies

ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 16:57

lots of other stuff going on, and he has form for this. a little background, live overseas. went to uk in november, dm spent her hard-saved pennies buying him a whole bunch of his favourite uk chocolate. also bought the family in general a few boxes and tins of nice m&s biscuits.

bring it back. he took most of the chocolate and gave it away to his parents and brothers... i was pissed enough at that, as my dm doesn't save her money to buy treats for his family.

we've now started eating the biscuits. first box was m&s chocolatey biscuits - brought them out at dessert so everyone, him, me and ds can share. everyone has 1 or 2. then when no one's looking he goes back and eats 2-3 more by himself. so when i bring it out after dinner the next day the box is half gone.

just opened a tin of nice m&s shortbread (the ones they do for xmas time). i ate one last night. had to take sick dog to vet this morning, get back and half the tin is gone!!!

ffs, why can some people not control themselves and scoff the lot, when there are three people in the house who'd like to have some? i've now told him if he can't control himself and think of the other people in the house who'd like to have more than one out of the entire tin, don't have bloody any!

aibu? does this drive anyone else mad?

OP posts:
TooSmittle · 30/01/2017 17:40

My DP is rubbish at sharing too. He's got plenty more manners when we're out and wouldn't be so thoughtless but at home it's a race for the snacks. I have hidden them from him more than once!

We generally just have our own treats now so we can both get some, but in your case that wasn't possible and you can't just get more so I'd be pissed off too. Not really about the biscuits, but about the selfishness. I know it sounds so petty and a bit childish to be upset about fair shares of biscuits but it's not really about that, is it? It's about care and consideration. I don't think you were at all UR to be upset about it.

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 17:41

titanias - maybe he's not quite as bad as your example, but along those lines! drives me nuts!

OP posts:
TheInimitableMrsFanshawe · 30/01/2017 17:47

Dh is like this. Combination of him being an only child and never having to consider any one else and his mother's influence- she will take through a bowl of crisps with dirty fingers to find the best ones. I have a sibling and it's been absolutely ingrained in me to mentally divvy up and take my share only, plus you take the one on the plate nearest you even if that's the smallest. It all even out in the end.

RedDogsBeg · 30/01/2017 17:49

Greed and selfishness are such unattractive traits and his behaviour at social occasions is just awful. You are not being unreasonable at all OP, he would have to have some unbelievable good points for me to even consider having a relationship with someone so self centred and inconsiderate.

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 17:50

mrsfanshawe - we are both one of three. but it is as if it's what you described, that he was brought up to take the best bits (yep, have seen him digging through slices of roast to take best ones instead of what's on top), whereas i was taught to take only my share and/or what's closest to me. i've also seen him offer round the last piece of whatever with it already on his fork and pretty much in his mouth...

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 30/01/2017 17:53

My DH can do that with biscuits - I only usually eat one and then he'll eat half a packet or he'll buy himself a huge bag of walkers crisps and eat 6!!! When my oldest DS asks where are such and such a flavour, he's eaten them all ...... I must admit I have learnt in the last few years since kids are older to snaffle a small box of chocolates I may have been given just for me because otherwise I don't get a look in. The giving them away is just so wrong though - they were bought for your family to share, not his

statetrooperstacey · 30/01/2017 17:59

I Think u just need to buy more nice food, u clearly eat les than him and I wouldn't say a large bag of crisps should last more than one or two sittings surely, and who eats just one biscuit?! Who?!
In his defence he possibly can't help himself. I couldn't if there was something in the house, even the kids selection boxes Halloween sweets and Easter eggs aren't safe. I think if you know he does this then but him his own stuff. So two large bags of crisps, 2 tubes of Pringles and next time divvy up the biscuits.

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 18:02

sserial - he gave away the choc bars DM bought for him specifically. so technically, his gift to give away as he sees fit. but pisses me off when he then scoffs more than his fair share of what was bought for the whole family. i did restrict him from the salt and vinegar mccoys this time - basically told him he couldn't have any as last time he would eat 2 or 3 bags at a time and i hardly got any.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 18:05

statetrooper - i never said we don't buy nice food. i said we don't buy m&s type belgian/chocolate biscuits. there's plenty of nice food in the house. just he likes these the most so he'll make a pig of himself the most on these.

and if i bought 2 bags of crisps, he'd eat both unless i hid one. why should i have to eat food that i bought for sharing?

i just checked - the large bag of crisps are approx 240g. you eat half of that in one sitting? a snack size bag of crisps is 28g (the larger snack size is 40g) or so usually.

OP posts:
slightlyembassing · 30/01/2017 18:05

Urgh my STBEXH was like this.

He was home without a job because we relocated through my job and even though he had a pension never contributed to the food bill.

Then he's happily pile tonnes of crap into the trolley when we went shopping. Biscuits, crisps, crackers...our shopping bill was €150 a week with one DS!

Funny thing is he would accuse me of eating everything - I was at work all day!

He'd think nothing about eating a whole packet of biscuits or DS and my portions of chocolate and the worst thing was it was so sneaky...plus he'd leave the packaging empty in the snack cupboard. Then laugh when I kicked off.

The worst habit was preparing himself a tray on the weekend evening with a whole block of cheese, a packet of cream crackers and a jar of pickle. He'd not offer a single piece and then sit down and eat the lot in front of the tv.

Then at 3am he'd be up being violently sick in the toilet because he couldn't digest a breeze block of cheddar.

I'd wake up in the morning to find a toilet dripping in half digested cheese vomit. Angry

And no I don't think a grown man is entitled to eat however many biscuits he likes, unless he goes out and buys them himself. Even then it's piggish and intolerant. What happened to consideration for other people, and self control?

When he left out weekly shop went down by €100 a week! For the first two weeks I was throwing away food that I bought by habit!

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 18:05

hide not eat.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/01/2017 18:05

'In his defence he possibly can't help himself. I couldn't if there was something in the house, even the kids selection boxes Halloween sweets and Easter eggs aren't safe. I think if you know he does this then but him his own stuff. So two large bags of crisps, 2 tubes of Pringles and next time divvy up the biscuits.'

BULLSHIT! He's an adult, not a child with Prader-Willi syndrome. Selfish and greedy as hell to eat your own kids' sweets. That's bloody awful.

And as for the OP having to sort his greed out with what she buys, fuck that. He's responsible for himself.

Just hide the rest.

From your posts on the other thread, I see he's quite greedy in general.

Lunde · 30/01/2017 18:12

Why not buy some more for yourself and ds and hide them - the British Corner shop ships to most countries and do naice Waitrose biscuits
www.britishcornershop.co.uk/chocolate-biscuits-waitrose-biscuits

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 18:20

lunde - i actually cut back on sweet and junk food a lot when i was pregnant with DS and never regained my previous sweet tooth to the same extent. so i actually only enjoy this kind of thing as a one off treat when i come back from the UK, and i like to make it last a little bit as it's only twice a year. also don't want to encourage DS sweet tooth either, so don't feel like we need to stock it in the pantry all the time.

as others have said, there's nothing to stop H from buying his own junk food (which he is capable of, as he has to do his own shopping when i'm away), or asking me to pick something up if i'm at the shops.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 30/01/2017 18:44

My dad does this and always has done. If there is something he likes he will just eat and eat. If it's pointed out to him that whatever it is was meant for sharing with other family members he will "suddenly" pretend he hadn't realised and he thought it was just for him or say "oh I thought it needed using up" as if he was doing us a massive favour!
I also had a boss a bit like this. To add insult to injury he was also a fussy eater. So if it was someone's birthday and they brought in four of those smallish m & s cakes he would be first in the queue and cut HALF off the one he liked for his "slice". If anyone remonstrated he'd day "well it's the only one I like". One day we had clients in for a lunch meeting and when the sandwiches turned up he lunged across the clients (before offering them any), swooped and picked up all four triangles of his preferred filling. Tough shit if client liked tuna mayo too!
I have no idea what to do about it. Selfish people are very thick skinned. Yes my dad was an only child too.

RubbishMantra · 30/01/2017 20:17

My father was like this.

One of my memories of when I was a small child was him eating my portion of trifle, that I'd saved from the day before because I had a tummy ache or something. Can still see his smug face taking it off me, and telling me he was the adult, and kicking back in his carver's chair to eat it. Twat.

ImperialBlether · 30/01/2017 20:33

Does anyone else feel the rage when reading about these bastards?

expatinscotland · 30/01/2017 20:35

Yes. I'd fucking dump anyone at the first sign of this behaviour.

haveacupoftea · 30/01/2017 20:36

Leave a note in the biscuit tin saying fuck off you greedy pig. He might get the hint Grin

Original poster
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 30/01/2017 20:42

for me personally, these traits didn't show up til much later... trust me, i would have noticed before and it would have been a problem. if this happened with someone i casually dated, that would spell the end for sure!

OP posts:
SaucyDough · 30/01/2017 20:44

i just checked - the large bag of crisps are approx 240g. you eat half of that in one sitting?

I actually would (maybe even more) Grin but not if that would mean that whoever else wanted some wouldn't get a fair share.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 30/01/2017 20:48

My ex did this. It's only since he left that I've realised just how much shit he used to get through. My food bill has gone down so much.

He'd eat the kids easter chocolate, he'd finish off someone's birthday cake, he'd take the last of the cheese or the bread when sandwiches needed making for kids pack ups. He'd even help himself to the last of a box of my birthday chocolates. "I thought it needed using up!"

He was a selfish greedy cunt. When I told him to stop eating all things he'd call me controlling. I had to properly yell at him and ban him from stealing the kids chocolate!. It would have been one thing if he'd replaced things, but he never did. He would eat an entire selection box or Easter egg (after the holiday so couldn't be replaced) and then blame me for leaving them around.

Oh, and he never ever shared anything. Selfish git.

Cocopopsrule · 30/01/2017 20:50

The public behaviour is terrible. But eating everything from the treats at home. Just realised I do this - not all the time but often enough. Hmm - will have to replenish stocks tomorrow and label them DH only to remind myself.

Backt0Black · 30/01/2017 20:50

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower

He was a selfish greedy cunt Grin Grin this is my sentiment towards this type of thing. Cannot abide greedy fuckers. Completely unattractive and brings out the rage in me

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 30/01/2017 20:53

It spilled over, was a general attitude that he could do what he wanted, when he wanted. He was selfish with his time, his things were his.

So glad the greedy fucker is gone, there's always chocolate in the cupboard now Wink

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