to think teacher and head should have intervened?

[neuroticmumof3]

My friend's ds(8) has had some issues with a child at school who has been verbally and emotionally unpleasant to him (calling him fat, saying freckles make him ugly, telling his friends not be his friends anymore). It all came to a head the other day when friend's ds used unkind words about the other child (true but unkind). my friend is fully supportive of the school disciplining her ds about his behaviour and he has also had sanctions at home as a result of his actions. The unkind behaviour from the other child has been going on for some time now and the school have been aware of it.

after my friend dropped ds off at school the day after this happened the other child's dm went into the classroom, walked up to ds, pushed her face up to his and shouted at him. The class teacher witnessed this but did nothing and said nothing. Another parent witnessed it, comforted ds who was quite shocked and distressed and told my friend. The teacher later said the incident had been unfortunate!

After shouting at ds this parent was then verbally abusive to my friend (swearing included) on school property and in front of the headteacher, who did nothing! At this stage my friend didn't know her ds had just been shouted at by this parent.
other parents and children were still going to class as well so would have witnessed and heard her shouting and swearing.

AIBU to think this behaviour should have been challenged and stopped? if another parent got up close to my child and shouted in their face i would expect the teacher to take appropriate and immediate action but is that unrealistic and unreasonable of me? I genuinely feel a bit confused as to whether i can trust the school to protect my child from unacceptable adult behaviour.

MissMrsMsXX:

Rubbish. People can do a lot of damage without any weapons at all.

I am neither. I simply apply different standards of behaviour to myself. That just makes us different. I would never put my physical safety above that of a child (and before you question this, I have been in situations where this has been tested). You wouldn't. Fair enough. You say I am rude and entitled because of this. Fine. Your opinion.

I have a meeting now so am bowing out.

Have a nice day.

FFS.

This was a rough parent, not a terrorist. Get a grip.

If I had seen it I would have intervened.

MissMrsMsXX: As would I. But my pregnant sister, also a teacher, weighs about 7 stone soaking wet and has a heart condition. I would advise her to stay out of it and call for help. You are very unreasonable if you think she has no right to protect herself and her unborn baby.

Is this thread about your sister?

I don't think the teacher should necessarily of put themselves between adult and child (may not even have been possible), nor do I think they should have tried to move the adult- agree that may have escalated things or led to problems for the teacher if the adult complained. I have never said that they should- I suggested that the teacher could have intervened in some other way, such as asking the adult to stop shouting. Of course if it was over in a matter of seconds the teacher may not have had the time to do anything. In most situations that would not place the teachers life at risk.

Certainly after the event I would have expected the teacher to do more than it sounds like they did (if what OP says is accurate)- another parent comforted the child. Another parent informed the child's mother of what had happened. Not the school. When asked about the incident the teacher called it "unfortunate". The HT witnessed the incident where one parent was aggressive to another- fair enough not to intervene at the time but it seems no action was taken afterwards. For instance, HT could have approached OPs friend after the incident and checked if she was ok. Or called later to let her know about the incident with her child and what action was being taken over both incidents.

Their handling of both incidents seem, if OP is accurate, pretty shoddy.

As I said before, a school which acted in this way- especially in the context of the child in question being bullied with no action taken, but who is then (rightly) punished for retaliating- would not be a school in which I would have any degree of trust in their ability to provide a nurturing environment for my child. As such, my child would not be attending that school.

MissMrsMsXX:

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

jacks11: That's not unreasonable. I don't know what action was taken afterwards, but if none then that isn't acceptable.

I am shocked at the number of teachers posting here who couldn't give a flying one if adults are screaming at the children in their classes.

I'm not. Though I do take comfort from the fact that it's always the same names/teachers on MN coming out with the kind of defensive Not My Job clap trap I am reading on this thread so it makes me hope they are in the minority.

Wetunwindee Your original post and explanation made a lot of sense to me though so thanks for explaining it in such a none aggressive way. It did make me see why the path of least resistance could sometimes be the best choice.

Trifle.

No, but what the fuck has your pregnant sister got to do with this. The OP has no indicated the teacher was slight or pregnant.

MissMrsMsXX: How would the OP know? The simple point is that you don't know why someone chooses to act or not act.

It's a thread on MN, I'm giving my POV. I think the adult teacher should have protected the child.

MissMrsMsXX: As am I.

My DCs school stopped parents coming into school at pick up and drop off times several years ago on safeguarding grounds.

Sounds like this school might do well to adopt a similar policy to avoid unacceptable situations such as the op describes

There is a difference between expecting someone to forgo a cup of tea and expecting them to risk their life

And there is a difference between intervening to risk your life and intervening by, say, telling the parent to leave the room, comforting the child, and reporting the parent formally with a view to ensuring that she was banned from the school.

user1484226561

You have no idea of my background, experience or training. Thank you for your groundless comment.
We have dealt with situations like this at my school and the child has been safely removed from the situation each time.
I don't think i'm being 'idealistic' in saying that I would want to protect a child it's called being a decent person.

You have no idea of my background, experience or training.

no I don't. This is what I said:

to me you sound idealistic, inexperienced and lacking in training. Sorry.

and you do sound idealistic, inexperienced and lacking in training, irrespective of what ever back ground, experience and training you do have. And your last post just confirms my impression. You now sound even more idealistic, inexperienced and lacking in training.

I don't think i'm being 'idealistic' in saying that I would want to protect a child it's called being a decent person.

Its not " being a decent person" - it is possibly (depending on the exact circumstances and the judgement made at the time) ignorant and negligent.

I haven't read the entire threat so apologises if this has be said already but this raises significant safeguarding concerns. How on Earth was the parent able to enter the classroom in the first place. The school should be ensuring that any adult can only enter the building through a main enterance and to have been correctly signed in.
This is a situation I am familiar with and I'm very surprised that neither the head or class teacher intervened. I can understand not wanting to approach an aggressive parent but they have a duty of care for the child and if unhappy with tackling the parent on their own - immediate help should have been sent for.

The parent should be held to account for their actions and potentially if their actions were as describe a ban from school premises should be considered.